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Handicar

Timmy's successful new car service makes him a lot of enemies. (21:31)

>> WELL, THAT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

THANKS FOR INVITING US, GUYS.

>> SURE.

YOU BET.

>> ARE YOU GUYS PARKED OVER

HERE?

>> OH, NO, NO, NO.

WE -- WE TOOK A HANDICAR.

IT WAS EASIER THAT WAY.

>> A HANDICAR?

WHAT'S THAT?

>> YOU DON'T USE HANDICAR?

>> NO, SEE, YOU JUST GET THE

HANDICAR APP.

IT USES GPS TO LOCATE WHERE YOU

ARE, AND A HANDICAR COMES AND

PICKS YOU UP.

>> WOW.

>> YEAH, AND IT'S CHEAPER THAN A

TAXI.

I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S THE FUTURE

OF TRANSPORTATION.

OH, HERE IT COMES.

HONEY, OUR HANDICAR'S HERE.

>> TIMMY!

>> HAVE FUN DRIVING HOME.

I'LL BE RELAXING ON MY iPAD.

>> LUCKY.

>> TIMMY!

>> DOWNLOAD THE APP!

IT WORKS GREAT!

>> OH, EXCUSE ME?

I THINK SOMEONE PUKED BACK HERE.

>> YOU DON'T LIKE PUKE?

COULD YOU TURN THE RADIO DOWN

AND THE AIR CONDITIONING UP,

PLEASE?

>> NO AIR CONDITIONING.

TOO EXPENSIVE.

AHH!

>> NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE TAKING CAB.

DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG.

>> TIMMY!

>> WHAT THE WE GOT A BIG SALES

EVENT GOING ON, FOLKS!

HEY, GUYS!

CAN I GET YOU IN A 2014 HUMMER?

ROCKTOBER SALES EVENT, GUYS!

>> NO THANKS.

>> ONLY A FEW MORE GUITAR LICKS

LEFT IN ROCKTOBER, GUYS!

>> WE'RE GOOD!

SHUT UP!

OH, HERE'S OUR HANDICAR.

>> TIMMY!

>> WHAT THE --

ALL RIGHT, KIDS, YOU KNOW WHAT

TIME OF YEAR IT IS?

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT'S AUTUMN.

AND THAT MEANS OUR FUNDRAISING

FOR NEXT YEAR'S SUMMER CAMP IS

IN FULL GEAR.

IS EVERYONE PSYCHED FOR NEXT

YEAR'S SUMMER CAMP?

>> YAY!

YAY!

>> SO FAR, JIMMY HAS RAISED $16!

>> YAY!

YAY!

>> FRANCIS HAS RAISED $29.32.

AND TIMMY HAS RAISED $2,063!

>> TIMMY!

>> ALL RIGHTY, IF YOU GUYS KEEP

THIS UP, WE'LL RAISE THE MONEY

FOR SUMMER CAMP IN NO TIME!

>> I WON'T DO IT, MIMSY.

I WON'T SPEND ANOTHER SUMMER AT

THAT STUPID CAMP.

>> DERR, WE DON'T LIKE CAMP,

BOSS?

>> WE HATE CAMP, MIMSY.

THE SINGING, THE COMPETITIONS,

JIMMY VALMER GETTING ALL THE

CHICKS.

>> OH, YEAH, AND DON'T FORGET

LAST YEAR AT SUMMER CAMP, YOU

GOT RAPED BY A SHARK.

>> SHUT UP, MIMSY!

>> I'M NOT GONNA SPEND MY SUMMER

TRAPPED AT CAMP WITH THESE

PUNCH-HAPPY ASSHOLES.

WE GOT TO FIND A WAY TO PUT

HANDICAR OUT OF BUSINESS AND

FAST.

>> OH, BOY, WE'RE GONNA WRECK

TIMMY'S BUSINESS, HUH, BOSS?

>> HEY, BOYS.

ARE YOU EXCITED FOR CAMP NEXT

YEAR?

>> YES, COUNSELOR STEVE.

WE LIKE THE TUG OF WAR.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, JUST KEEP

WORKING ON THOSE DONATIONS.

COME ON, MIMSY.

WE GOT TO FIGURE OUT HOW WE'RE

GONNA MAKE HANDICAR A THING OF

THE PAST.

>> OH, BOY!

>> WE ARE UNITED AS BROTHERS

BECAUSE JUST AS HANDICAR'S TAKEN

AWAY JOBS FROM HONEST,

HARD-WORKING CAB DRIVERS, IT'S

ALSO TAKING FOOD FROM THE MOUTHS

OF THE CHILDREN OF CAR SALESMEN!

>> I DON'T HAVE ANY CHILDREN.

WHO DOES THIS HANDICAPPED BOY

THINK HE IS?

HE'S NOT EVEN IN UNION!

HE'S TAKING ALL OUR BUSINESS

BECAUSE PEOPLE FIND IT MORE

CONVENIENT!

AND BECAUSE HE'S HANDICAPPED, HE

CAN USE SPECIAL ACCESS POINTS

AND PARKING SPACES.

THAT KID WAS BORN WITH AN UNFAIR

ADVANTAGE!

WHO IS THIS RAT?

>> HIS NAME IS TIMMY BURCH.

AND IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING

QUICK, YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE OUT

OF WORK FOR GOOD.

>> WHO ARE YOU?

>> JUST SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T LIKE

TO SEE HARD WORKERS LIKE

YOURSELVES LOSE THEIR JOBS.

THAT'S ALL.

>> NOBODY TAKES JOBS AWAY FROM

US!

WE NEED TO SPEAK TO MAYOR AND

TELL HER TO SHUT DOWN THIS

ILLEGITIMATE BUSINESS.

OR MAYBE WE COULD HAVE THE

POLICE SHUT HIM DOWN.

>> HEY, I GOT AN IDEA!

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS JUST MAKE

YOUR CARS CLEANER AND NICER AND

TRY TO BE BETTER TO YOUR

CUSTOMERS SO THAT YOU CAN

COMPETE WITH HANDICAR'S

POPULARITY IN THE MARKETPLACE?

>> JUST IGNORE MY FRIEND.

HE'S MENTALLY DISABLED.

>> OH, YEAH.

DON'T MIND ME.

>> NOW, LISTEN, EVERYBODY.

IF YOU'RE A SHEEP HERDER AND

THERE'S A SNAKE TAKING AWAY YOUR

SHEEP, WHAT DO YOU DO TO THE

SNAKE?

OFFER IT LAST YEAR'S CHRISTMAS

IN ROCKSUMMER PRICES?

>> NO, YOU MORON.

YOU KILL THE SNAKE.

>> Timmy, Timmy.

Timmy, Timmy.

Timmy, Timmy.

>> HEY, WAKE UP, YOU LITTLE

SCAB.

>> T-T-TIMMY?

>> WE GOT A MESSAGE FOR YA FROM

THE UNION.

>> JUST IMAGINE IT, MIMSY.

A WHOLE SUMMER TO OURSELVES TO

DO WHAT WE WANT.

IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME.

WELL, WELL.

HELLO, GENTLEMEN.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE TAKEN CARE

OF OUR LITTLE PROBLEM?

>> YEAH, WE SURE DID.

LET'S JUST SAY HE'LL BE LAID UP

AWHILE.

YEAH, WE SNUCK IN HIS ROOM LAST

NIGHT AND WE BROKE HIS LEGS.

>> OH, BOY, THAT'S GR--

WAIT, YOU WHAT?

>> TIMMY!

>> I AM LORDE LORDY, LORDY,

LORDE BUT WE BROKE HIS LEGS.

BOTH OF THEM!

>> LET ME GIVE YOU GUYS A HOT

NEWS FLASH.

IF YOU WANT TO HURT A CRIPPLED

KID, YOU DON'T BREAK HIS LEGS!

HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO

INEFFECTUAL, MIMSY?

>> I DON'T KNOW, BOSS.

>> THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MEN

WHO CARE ABOUT THEIR OCCUPATION.

>> MAYBE IF THEY'RE THAT

INCOMPETENT, WE SHOULDN'T BE

TRYING TO SAVE THEIR JOBS.

MAYBE HANDICAR'S A KIND OF

ECONOMIC NATURAL SELECTION WHERE

THE MOST DILIGENT WORKERS ARE

WEEDING OUT THE USELESS ONES.

DERR!

>> SHUT UP, MIMSY!

>> RIGHT HERE IS GOOD.

THANK YOU.

I CAN JUST USE THE APP TO TIP

YOU, RIGHT?

>> TIMMY!

>> OH, THIS IS SO HANDY.

THANK YOU.

>> TIMMY.

TIMMY, TIMMY.

>> Hey, Timmy, IT'S YOUR FRIEND

FROM CAMP, NATHAN.

>> Timmy!

>> LISTEN, YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY

HANDLE ALL THIS BUSINESS YOU'RE

GETTING.

ADMIT IT.

YOU'VE GOT MORE CUSTOMERS THAN

YOU CAN HANDLE.

>> TIMMY.

>> I'VE GOT AN AMAZING IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU LET OTHER PEOPLE

DRIVE HANDICARS, TOO?

THINK OF ALL THE MONEY YOU COULD

RAISE FOR CAMP IF YOU EXPAND

YOUR BUSINESS.

>> HMM. TIMMY.

>> I'M SURE YOU COULD FIND A LOT

OF INTERESTED DRIVERS.

>> TIMMY.

>> THAT'S GREAT.

SUMMER CAMP, HERE WE COME.

NOW KISS YOUR BUSINESS GOODBYE,

ASSHOLE.

>> I DON'T GET IT, BOSS.

I THOUGHT YOU HATED HANDICAR.

HOW'S COME NOW YOU WANT TO WORK

FOR HIM?

>> IT'S VERY SIMPLE, MIMSY.

I'M GONNA TAKE DOWN HANDICAR BY

BEING AN EMPLOYEE WHO SEXUALLY

HARASSES THE PASSENGERS.

>> UH, SEXUAL HARASSMENT, BOSS?

>> IT'S SIMPLE.

IF YOU'RE A SHEEP HERDER AND A

SNAKE IS KILLING YOUR SHEEP, YOU

JUST NEED TO HAVE THE SNAKE GET

SUED FOR SEXUAL MISCONDUCT.

NOW, YOU FIND ME A FEMALE

PASSENGER ON THAT APP AND LEAVE

THE REST TO ME.

>> OH, BOY!

>> TIMMY.

>> HELLO, MA'AM.

HANDICAR AT YOUR SERVICE.

CLIMB ON IN.

SO, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY DICK?

>> SURE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE

MINE?

>> UH-OH.

MIMSY!

AAH! AAH! MIMSY!

>> AND I THOUGHT A SHARK WAS

BAD.

>> COME ON, HONEY.

IT SAYS OUR HANDICAR IS JUST

PULLING UP.

>> TIMMY.

>> OH, HI, GERALD, SHEILA.

STEVEN?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU DIDN'T KNOW?

ANYONE CAN BE A HANDICAR DRIVER

NOW.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET YOUR

OWN WHEELCHAIR AND YOU CAN EARN

A HANDICAP.

I'VE HAD MY HANDICAP FOR ABOUT

THREE DAYS NOW.

GET ON IN.

I'M TELLING YOU, GERALD, HAVING

A HANDICAP IS A GREAT WAY TO

MAKE SOME MONEY ON THE SIDE.

>> TIMMY!

>> TIMMY!

>> TIMMY!

>> THE WORLD OF TRANSPORTATION

IS REALLY CHANGING, GERALD.

>> OH, GEE, YOUR IDEA TO HAVE

HANDICAR EXPAND REALLY WORKED,

BOSS.

>> EXCUSE ME.

OUT OF MY WAY, PLEASE.

I HAVE A HANDICAP.

>> I HAD A HANDICAP WAY BEFORE

YOU GOT PAID TO HAVE ONE!

>> HA! YOU SOUND LIKE THAT

MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY GUY.

"I DROVE A LINCOLN WAY BEFORE I

GOT PAID TO DRIVE ONE."

DERR!

>> SHUT UP, MIMSY!

>> FOR THE PAST EIGHT YEARS,

TESLA HAS BEEN THE LEADING

INNOVATOR IN THE WORLD OF

AUTOMOTIVE TRANSPORT.

AND NOW THE PRESIDENT AND C.E.O.

OF TESLA MOTORCARS, ELON MUSK.

>> TODAY I AM PROUD TO ANNOUNCE

THE TESLA D, THE MOST INNOVATIVE

AND EFFICIENT WORLD-FRIENDLY

MODE OF TRANSPORTATION EVER

CREATED.

ANY QUESTIONS?

>> YES, UH, WHAT ABOUT HANDICAR?

>> WHAT ABOUT IT?

>> WELL, ALL OVER THE COUNTRY,

PEOPLE ARE REALIZING THAT USING

AN APP TO RIDE SHARE IS EVEN

MORE CONVENIENT AND ECO-FRIENDLY

THAN ELECTRIC CARS.

>> HOW DO YOU INTEND TO COMPETE

WITH THIS BOY GENIUS IN

COLORADO?

>> I AM SO SICK OF HEARING ABOUT

APP-BASED RIDE SHARING!

THE FUTURE OF TRANSPORTATION IS

THE ELECTRIC CAR, NOT

WHEELCHAIRS!

>> DON'T WORRY, ELON.

HANDICAR IS JUST A SMALL

COMPANY.

>> OH, SURE. OPERATING IN A FEW

SMALL TOWNS.

BUT WHEN THEY START ABSORBING

THE TAXI MARKETS, BRINGING TAXI

SERVICE TO ANY PART OF THE

WORLD, DRIVING YOUR KIDS TO AND

FROM SCHOOL, DELIVERING BOTH

PEOPLE AND THINGS?

>> WE CAN'T COMPETE WITH

HANDICAR.

IT'S JUST SO DAMN HANDY!

>> IF THERE IS A WAY TO REDUCE

HANDICAR'S POSITIVE PUBLICITY,

THEN WE NEED TO DO IT NOW.

AND YOU -- YOU SAY IT'S

THEORETICALLY POSSIBLE?

>> OF COURSE.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE.

IF YOU'RE A SHEEP HERDER AND A

SNAKE IS KILLING ALL YOUR SHEEP,

HOW DO YOU GET RID OF THE SNAKE?

>> WHO'S A SNAKE HERDER?

>> YOU ARE.

>> WHO'S THE SNAKE?

>> HANDICAR.

>> IT'S AN ANALOGY!

>> SHUT UP, MIMSY!

IF YOU'RE A SHEEP HERDER AND A

SNAKE IS KILLING YOUR SHEEP, ALL

YOU HAVE TO DO IS PROVE TO THE

SHEEP THAT THE SNAKE IS A

COMPLETELY INFERIOR ENTITY.

>> TIMMY!

>> TIMMY!

>> HEY, TIMMY.

HOW IS THE FUNDRAISING FOR CAMP

GOING?

>> TIMMY!

>> THAT'S GREAT.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR CAMP THIS YEAR.

WE ARE DOING SOME FUNDRAISING,

TOO.

HAVE YOU HEARD OF MY FRIEND,

ELON MUSK, FROM TESLA?

>> GOOD DAY TO YOU.

>> TIMMY!

>> HEY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO

HAVE A FRIENDLY, LITTLE RACE?

IT WOULD BE GREAT PUBLICITY FOR

YOUR FOUNDATION AND FOR OURS.

>> DARR, WE'RE GONNA GET TIMMY

KILLED IN THE RACE, HUH, BOSS?

>> SHUT UP, MIMSY!

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY, TIMMY?

A FRIENDLY RACE THIS SATURDAY?

WE'LL SEE YOU AT 9:00 A.M.

SHARP.

>> HEY, EVERYONE!

YOU NEED TO SEE THIS!

>> WHAT STARTED AS A SIMPLE

CONTEST IS QUICKLY ESCALATING

INTO AN INTERNATIONAL CRISIS.

AS ELECTRONIC CARS CHALLENGE THE

OIL INDUSTRY AND TRANSPORTATION

ALTERNATIVES FIGHT FOR

DOMINANCE, THE UNAVOIDABLE

OUTCOME MAY BE A CONFLICT THE

LIKES THE WORLD HAS NOT SEEN

SINCE THE '70s.

IT APPEARS THAT THE WORLD IS

ONCE AGAIN ON THE BRINK...

OF WACKY RACES.

>> WACKY RACES?

HOLY SHIT!

>> THE PRIME MINISTER OF JAPAN

HAS INSISTED THAT ANY RACE WOULD

BREAK THE TREATY OF SALZBURG,

WHICH CALLED FOR A CEASE-FIRE TO

THE WACKY RACES FOR THEIR

SENSELESS BRUTALITY.

THEY ALSO CLAIM THAT IF A RACE

DOES TAKE PLACE, THEY WOULD HAVE

NO CHOICE BUT TO ENTER THEIR

COMPLETELY SELF-DRIVEN PROTOTYPE

LEXUS INTO THE CONFLICT.

THE CANADIANS AND CHINESE ARE

ALSO SAYING THEY WOULD BE FORCED

TO RACE, AND NO ONE YET HAS

HEARD FROM DICK DASTARDLY OR

MUTTLEY.

UNLESS A MIRACLE HAPPENS, THIS

SATURDAY MORNING, THE WORLD WILL

WITNESS THE FIRST WACKY RACES IN

NEARLY 50 YEARS.

>> RANDY, THEY'RE BRINGING BACK

WACKY RACES SATURDAY MORNING!

>> I KNOW! ARE WE WATCHING AT

YOUR HOUSE?

>> THAT'S IT, EVERYONE!

WE'RE OUT OF CEREAL!

>> NO!

>> I DIDN'T GET ANY!

>> THAT GUY HAS TWO!

>> THERE'S NONE LEFT!

>> DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!

DON'T YOU SEE WHAT THEY'RE

DOING?

THIS IS JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF

CORPORATIONS TRYING TO KEEP DOWN

PEOPLE WITH HANDICAPS.

>> DON'T DO THE RACE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE

ANYTHING.

>> HE HAS TO DO IT.

DON'T YOU SEE?

HE HAS PEOPLE THAT ARE DEPENDING

ON HIM TO RAISE AS MUCH MONEY AS

POSSIBLE.

THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE

WITH HANDICAPS NOW.

>> TIMMY.

>> BUT ISN'T THAT THE PROBLEM?

I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.

IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S ABLE TO KEEP

THE DRIVER QUALITY UP.

ANYONE CAN HAVE A HANDICAP NOW.

I MEAN, EVEN MATTHEW

McCONAUGHEY'S A HANDICAR DRIVER,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

>> HEY.

I WAS DRIVING A HANDICAR...

WAY BEFORE I GOT PAID TO DRIVE

ONE.

I JUST LIKE HOW IT FEELS.

>> LOOK, THE POINT IS THAT THIS

IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE

HANDICAR --

OOP, SORRY.

HOLD ON. SORRY.

I WENT TOO FAR.

THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE

HANDICAR THE TRANSPORTATION OF

THE FUTURE.

THINK WHAT YOU COULD DO WITH ALL

THAT MONEY.

AND HERE THEY ARE, THE MOST

AND HERE THEY ARE, THE MOST

DAREDEVIL GROUP OF SHARED-RIDE

DRIVERS TO EVER WHIRL THEIR

WHEELS IN THE WACKY RACES.

COMPETING FOR THE TITLE OF THE

FUTURE OF TRANSPORTATION.

CARS ARE APPROACHING THE

STARTING LINE.

FIRST OFF IS THE LIFT CAR, A

RIDE-SHARING COMPANY OUT OF SAN

FRANCISCO.

NEXT UP IS THE ZIP CAR, A

PAY-BY-THE-HOUR CONCEPT BASED ON

CHINESE BICYCLES.

MANEUVERING FOR POSITION IS A

STANDARD TAXICAB DRIVEN BY AN

ANGRY RUSSIAN.

RIGHT BEHIND IS A HUMMER

SALESMAN IN HIS 2014 HUMMER NO

CLASS.

AND THERE'S INGENIOUS INVENTOR

ELON MUSK IN HIS NEW TESLA D.

OH, AND HERE'S THE LOVELY

CANADIAN ACTRESS NEVE CAMPBELL

IN THE CANADIAN CONCEPT VEHICLE,

THE QUEEF, POWERED COMPLETELY ON

FEMALE NATURAL GAS.

NEXT WE HAVE THE HANDICAR WITH

TIMMY BURCH, AND THERE'S THE

COMPLETELY AUTOMATED

SELF-DRIVING CAR FROM JAPAN.

LIMPING ALONG LAST ARE THOSE

DOUBLE-DEALING DO-BADDERS DICK

DASTARDLY AND HIS SIDEKICK,

MUTTLEY.

AND AWAY THEY GO.

ON THE WAY OUT WACKY RACES.

AND THIS LIVE COVERAGE OF THE

EVENT WILL BE BROADCAST ALL

MORNING, OF COURSE, ON CNN.

>> JESUS. IT'S BEGUN.

GOD HELP THEM ALL.

ALL I KNOW IS, IF DASTARDLY AND

MUTTLEY ARE UP TO THEIR OLD

TRICKS, THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT

OF VIOLENCE TODAY.

>> YOU ARE WATCHING BBC WORLD.

>> THE VIOLENT CONFLICT OVER

TRANSPORT IS UNDERWAY, AND IT IS

EVEN MORE SENSELESS AND VILE

THAN MANY REMEMBER.

WE RETURN YOU NOW TO OUR LIVE

COVERAGE OF THE WACKY RACES.

>> AS THE WACKY RACERS ROLL DOWN

THE ROADWAY, WE SEE THAT THE

TAXICAB IS IN THE LEAD WITH

HANDICAR PULLING UP THE REAR.

>> TIMMY!

>> ALL THE CARS MUST FOLLOW THE

SAME ROUTE.

FIRST THEY'LL LEAVE THE TOWN OF

SOUTH PARK THEN NAVIGATE THROUGH

GIGGLING GULCH ON THE FINAL

STRETCH TO PICK UP THE

PASSENGER, A MISS DOTTY

APPLEGATE.

ONCE THE PASSENGER IS PICKED UP,

THE VEHICLE MUST SUCCESSFULLY

DELIVER HER TO THE DESTINATION

POINT AT HER DAUGHTER'S HOUSE IN

MORRISON.

IT LOOKS LIKE THE ZIP CAR IS

TRYING TO VIE FOR POSITION PAST

THE HUMMER VEHICLE.

IT'S NECK AND NECK AS THE WACKY

RACERS ALL PUSH TO BE FIRST TO

PICK UP THE PASSENGER.

MISS APPLEGATE IS WAITING

PATIENTLY.

AND ELON MUSK'S TESLA APPEARS TO

TAKE THE LEAD.

>> SLOW DOWN!

I NEED TIMMY TO PICK UP THE

PASSENGER BEFORE WE DO.

>> BUT I THOUGHT WE WANTED

HANDICAR TO LOSE THE RACE!

>> HE CAN'T JUST LOSE THE RACE.

HE HAS TO GET SUED AND LOSE THE

WHOLE BUSINESS.

THAT'S WHY WHEN HE GETS THE

PASSENGER, I'VE GOT A LITTLE

SURPRISE WAITING FOR HIM.

>> HEY, BOSS, IT SEEMS LIKE

EVERY TIME YOU COME UP WITH A

PLAN, IT KIND OF BACKFIRES ON

YOU.

IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO

TO SUMMER CAMP SO BAD, WHY DON'T

YOU JUST TELL YOUR PARENTS HOW

YOU FEEL?

YOU KNOW, TELL THEM YOU DON'T

WANT TO GO AND JUST SEE HOW THEY

REACT.

WAIT, WAIT. I GOT IT.

SHUT UP, MIMSY!

>> HEY, MIMSY.

>> YEAH?

>> SHUT UP!

>> THE CANADIAN CAR OVERTAKES

THE SELF-DRIVING CAR.

AND NOW HERE COMES THE ZIP CAR,

WHICH IS BEING DRIVEN BY MATTHEW

McCONAUGHEY.

>> I WAS DRIVING A ZIP CAR...

WAY BEFORE I GOT PAID TO DRIVE

ONE.

>> AND LOOK AT THIS.

THE LIFT CAR IS THE FIRST TO

ARRIVE AND PICK UP THE

PASSENGER.

NOW THE LIFT CAR MUST TAKE THE

PASSENGER TO HER DESTINATION,

BUT LOOK AT THIS.

THE HUMMER SALESMAN IS RUNNING

THE LIFT CAR OFF THE ROAD.

AND THE HUMMER SALESMAN IS

TAKING THE PASSENGER TO THE CAR,

AND HE IS GOING TO LET HER DRIVE

HERSELF.

>> YOU'VE GOT A FULLY-AUTOMATED

SOUND SYSTEM, AND YOUR SUNROOF

IS OPERATED RIGHT HERE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH?

CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF IN ONE OF

THESE PUPPIES?

>> ELON MUSK IS USING ONE OF HIS

KOOKY INVENTIONS TO PUT THE

HUMMER OUT OF COMMISSION FOR

GOOD.

>> OH! GOD!

>> JESUS!

DID YOU SEE THAT? OH!

>> THE PASSENGER IS BEING TAKEN

TO THE TESLA D NOW.

>> NO, WAIT.

SHE JUST GOT SNATCHED BY THE

PISSED OFF RUSSIAN IN HIS TAXI.

MISS APPLEGATE IS NOW IN THE

BACK OF THE TAXI, AND SHE'S

BEING FORCED TO WATCH JIMMY

FALLON.

>> UH-OH.

THE CANADIAN CAR'S COMPLETELY

RUN OUT OF QUEEFS.

WITH THE RACE NEARLY OVER, IT'S

THE TAXI OUT IN FRONT, FOLLOWED

BY SELF-DRIVING CAR, AND THEN

PULLING UP IN THIRD IS HANDICAR.

>> TIMMY!

>> IT'S GONNA BE A CLOSE ONE.

>> NOT TOO CLOSE, BOOPSIE.

>> OH, NO. DICK DASTARDLY IS UP

TO NO-DO-GOODERY AGAIN.

>> OH! OH! DUDE!

OH!

OH!

OH!

OH!

>> BOOM!

>> AND THERE'S HANDICAR TO PICK

MRS. APPLEGATE UP!

>> THAT'S IT.

HANDICAR HAS THE PASSENGER.

WE'RE ALMOST IN RANGE.

ANOTHER 100 FEET.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT THE HELL ARE ALL OF THOSE

CARS?

HOLY SHIT!

>> TIMMY!

TIMMY!

TIMMY!

TIMMY!

>> AAH!

>> TIMMY!

>> WE'RE NEAR THE FINISH LINE.

THE RACE IS ALMOST OVER.

HANDICAR IS IN THE LEAD STILL

WAY OUT IN FRONT OF THE LIFT

CAR, DRIVEN BY MATTHEW

McCONAUGHEY.

>> SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO GO

FORWARD BY GOING BACKWARD.

ARE WE DRIVING CARS OR ARE CARS

DRIVING US?

>> THE DASTARDLY CAR IS RACING

PAST BOTH.

THIS COULD BE AN UPSET, FOLKS.

>> TIMMY!

>> GOOD NIGHT, YOU SON OF A

BITCH.

MIMSY, I TOLD YOU TO PUT THE

EXPLOSIVES UNDER TIMMY'S SEAT!

>> YOU TOLD ME TO PUT THE

EXPLOSIVES UNDER THE SEAT OF

THAT FAKE, SOFT-SPOKEN DOUCHEBAG

THAT EVERYONE LOVES!

>> NOT THAT FAKE, SOFT-SPOKEN

DOUCHEBAG THAT EVERYONE LOVES!

>> OH, MY.

IT APPEARS THAT AN EXPLOSION HAS

OPENED UP A WORMHOLE WITH

MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY INSIDE.

>> MIMSY...

>> AND THERE'S THE FINISH.

IT LOOKS LIKE HANDICAR HAS DONE

IT.

>> TIMMY!

>> A BIG CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR

FUNDRAISING CHAMPION.

AFTER SELLING THE HANDICAR

RIGHTS TO ELON MUSK, TIMMY HAS

RAISED $2.3 BILLION FOR SUMMER

CAMP.

GREAT JOB TO ALL OF YOU.

THIS IS SURE TO BE THE BEST

SUMMER CAMP EVER!

>> ALL SET FOR BED, HONEY?

>> YEAH, I LIKE TO SLEEP AT

NIGHTTIME!

>> ALL RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

>> WAIT.

WAIT. MOM?

CAN WE TALK?

>> UM, YES.

O-OF COURSE.

>> THIS IS VERY DIFFICULT, MOM.

BUT, UM...

YOU KNOW HOW EVERY YEAR I GO TO

SUMMER CAMP?

WELL...I HATE IT.

I HATE IT, AND I DON'T WANT TO

GO ANYMORE.

>> I'M SORRY.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU, HONEY.

YOU'RE HANDICAPPED.

>> WHAT'S TO UNDERSTAND?

I'M TELLING YOU I DON'T WANT TO

GO TO THAT STUPID CAMP ANYMORE!

>> YOU WANT WATER?

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

>> NO!

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CAMP!

>> OH, YES. OKAY, HONEY.

I'LL TURN OFF THE LAMP.

>> NO!

THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID!

GODDAMN IT!

NOW I CAN'T EVEN SEE!

OW!

>> WHAT'S HE SAYING?

>> THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO

SUMMER CAMP THIS YEAR, BUT I'LL

BE DAMNED IF HE'S GONNA RUIN OUR

ITALY TRIP.

>> RIGHT?

>> OH! AAH! MIMSY!

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