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The Hobbit

Wendy tries to prove a point about how much pressure little girls feel to look like celebrities. Her latest soapbox issue gets her in trouble with everyone at school. It also gets Clyde a new girlfriend. (21:30)

all:YEAH, YEAH, DO WE ROCK?

YEAH, YEAH,TAKE IT TO THE TOP.

YEAH, YEAH,ARE WE GONNA STOP?

NO WAY.NO WAY.

- CHEER SQUAD ROLL CALL!

- HEIDI!- NICOLE!

- BEBE!- LOLA!

- RED!- ANNIE!

- [softly]LISA BERGER.

- OH, GOD.

- HERE WE GO.- UGH.

- COULD WE MAYBETRY ONE

WITHOUT LISA BERGER?

- YOU GUYS, STOP IT.

OKAY, LISA,THAT'S GREAT.

BUT YOU NEED TO HAVESOME MORE CONFIDENCE, OKAY?

- BUT I'M THE FAT ONE.- WHAT?

EVERY CHEERLEADING SQUADHAS THE FAT, UGLY CHEERLEADER,

AND THAT'S ME.

- SEE, THAT'STHE PROBLEM, LISA.

YOU HAVE A BAD SELF IMAGE.

JUST PROJECT ALL YOUR SASSINESSTO ALL THE BOYS OUT THERE, OKAY?

- THERE'S ONLY ONE BOYTHAT LISA CARES ABOUT.

- YEAH, LISA HASA CRUSH ON BUTTERS.

- SHUT UP.

- BUT, LISA,THAT'S GREAT.

HAVE YOU TOLD BUTTERSTHAT YOU LIKE HIM?

- NO WAY.I'D JUST GET MADE FUN OF.

- LISA, THIS IS EXACTLYWHAT YOU NEED.

TAKE BUTTERSTO SEE A MOVIE OR SOMETHING.

IT'LL DO WONDERSFOR YOUR CONFIDENCE.

- SO THEN, UH,THE FELLA WITH THE MOUSTACHE

EATS ALL THE CUPCAKES,AND THE LADY TAKES OUT A GUN

AND PUTS IT IN HIS FACE,AND SHE SAYS--

- UH, EXCUSE ME, BUTTERS?

- OH, YES?

- UM, WELL...

I WAS JUST WONDERINGIF MAYBE

YOU WOULD LIKE TO GOTO A MOVIE THIS WEEKEND.

- OH.OH, LIKE A DATE?

OH, NO THANKS, LISA.

I REALLYAPPRECIATE THE OFFER,

BUT YOU'RETOO FAT FOR ME.

- OKAY, THANKS.

- SEE YA, LISA!

- HA HA, BUTTERS GOTASKED OUT BY A FAT GIRL.

- AT LEAST SHE DIDN'TTRY TO SIT ON HIM.

[laughter]

- YOU GUYS, COME ON,THAT'S NOT COOL.

YOU SHOULDN'T RIP ON HERBECAUSE SHE'S FAT.

YOU SHOULD RIP ON HERBECAUSE SHE'S UGLY, OKAY?

SHE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE HIT HERIN THE FACE WITH A HOT SHOVEL,

AND THAT'SWHY SHE SUCKS, ALL RIGHT?

♪ DOO DAADOO DAA ♪

♪ CAMPTOWN RACEIS FIVE MILES LONG ♪

♪ OH DOO DAA DAY

- WHAT THE [BLEEPED]IS YOUR PROBLEM?

- OH, HEY, WENDY.

- ARE YOU JUST AN ASSHOLE?IS THAT IT?

- AM I JUST AN ASSHOLE?- YEAH!

- WELL, NO.I'VE GOT ARMS AND LEGS.

I HAVE EVERYTHING.

- LISA BERGERASKS YOU OUT,

AND YOU CALL HER FAT?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAHOW YOU MADE HER FEEL?

SHE'S A REALLY NICE GIRL.

- I THINK SHE'SA NICE GIRL TOO.

SHE'S JUST TOO BIG FOR ME.

- SHE'S A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT,BUT THAT'S PRETTY NORMAL

FOR A GIRLIN THE FOURTH GRADE.

- WELL, KIM KARDASHIANIS SKINNY,

AND SHE JUSTHAD A BABY!

- WHAT?- I'M SORRY, WENDY,

BUT I HAVE A DIFFERENT STANDARDWHEN IT COMES TO MY WOMEN.

I WANT A WOMANWHO TAKES CARE OF HERSELF

AND KNOWS HOWTO LOOK GOOD.

WHO'S GOT PERFECT SKIN,

AND NO SPLOTCHES ON HER LEGS,AND PERFECT EVERYTHING.

- THIS IS A FANTASY,YOU MORON.

YOU EVER HEARDOF PHOTOSHOP?

KIM KARDASHIAN IS A SHORT,OVERWEIGHT WOMAN

WHO MANIPULATES HER IMAGE

AND MAKES AVERAGE GIRLSFEEL HORRIBLE ABOUT THEMSELVES.

- YOU'RE A LIAR!- LOOK IT UP, STUPID.

IN REAL LIFE,KIM KARDASHIAN

HAS THE BODYOF A HOBBIT.

YOU'RE GONNA BEIN REAL TROUBLE

WHEN THE TEACHERSFIND OUT WHAT YOU SAID

TO THAT POOR GIRL.

- UH, TAKE A SEAT, WENDY.

I GUESS SOMEMEAN THINGS WERE SAID,

AND I NEED TO GETTO THE BOTTOM OF IT.

- OH, GOOD.LISA BERGER TOLD ON YOU?

GOOD.

- UH, NO, WENDY,APPARENTLY,

YOU CALLEDBUTTERS' GIRLFRIEND A HOBBIT.

- [crying]

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?- YOU DID!

YOU SAID KIM IS SHORT,FAT, AND HAIRY, WITH BIG FEET,

AND SHE'S A HOBBIT!

- THAT'S NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND.

IT'S KIM KARDASHIAN.

- BUT--BUT, WENDY,KIM KARDASHIAN

IS CONSIDERED TO BEEXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL, MKAY?

- RIGHT, BUT SHE'S NOTIN REAL LIFE.

SHE'S A HOBBIT.- OH, SHE SAID IT AGAIN!

- NO, WENDY,KIM MIGHT BE FULL FIGURED,

BUT A WOMAN'S OUTWARD APPEARANCEISN'T ALL THAT MATTERS, MKAY?

HAVE YOU STOPPED TO CONSIDERTHAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE

YOU'RE JEL?

- I AM NOT "JEL,"AND I HAPPEN TO BE

THE BIGGEST FEMINISTAT THIS SCHOOL.

- THAT MAY BE TRUE,

BUT THERE ISA VERY FINE LINE, WENDY,

BETWEEN BEING A FEMINISTAND BEING A HATER, MKAY?

AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVETO FIND THAT LINE,

BECAUSE NOBODY LIKESA GIRL WHO'S JELLY.

BEING SAIDAROUND THIS SCHOOL,

AND SO WE ARE GONNA HEARFROM A GUEST SPEAKER.

HERE TO EXPLAIN WHYKIM KARDASHIAN IS NOT A HOBBIT,

PLEASE WELCOME AQUAMAN.

[scattered applause]

- UH-HUH.UH-HUH, THAT'S RIGHT.

- UH-OH.

- OKAY,FIRST OF ALL,

I AM NOT AQUAMAN.

I AM A RECOVERINGGAY FISH.

YES, I HAVE MET AQUAMAN.I HAVE HUNG OUT WITH AQUAMAN.

BUT THE ONLY THING I HAVEIN COMMON WITH AQUAMAN ANYMORE

IS MY LOVE FOR THE SEA.

NOW...[clears throat]

THERE HAVE BEENMALICIOUS RUMORS

STARTED AT THISELEMENTARY SCHOOL

THAT MY BEAUTIFUL FIANCEEIS A HOBBIT.

THAT IS NOT FUNNY,AND IT IS NOT TRUE.

ALL RIGHT?

YES, KIM IS HEAVIER THAN MOVEOF HER PICTURES SHOW HER TO BE.

YES, SHE GETS HER HAIRLASERED OFF HER BODY.

YES, SHE HAS A FRIENDNAMED GANDALF

WHO HAPPENSTO BE A WIZARD.

- I'M SORRY.EXCUSE ME A MINUTE.

[phone dialing]

BITCH, HOW YOU NOTTHE HOBBIT AGAIN?

YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.RIGHT.

RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT,RIGHT, RIGHT, YEAH.

OKAY, YEP.YEP, LET ME--OKAY.

YEP, I GOT IT.OKAY, LOVE YOU TOO.

[smooches][phone beeps]

OKAY, IF MY FIANCEE KIMIS A HOBBIT,

THEN HOW COME IT--UH, HOW--THEN--

OKAY, IF SHE IS A HOBBIT,THEN HOW COME

SHE DON'T LIVEIN A HOLE IN THE GROUND?

BOOM!AW, Y'ALL JUST GOT LIT UP, CUP!

SHE DON'T LIVEIN NO HOLE IN THE GROUND.

SHE LIVESIN A BIG-ASS MANSION WITH ME,

IN HER ROOMTHAT IS SLIGHTLY BELOW GROUND.

SO YOU CAN--

SHE--SHE IS SEXYAND WOMANLY.

AND SHE SMOKES A PIPE.SHE CAN BLOW THEM RINGS

THAT GO UPOVER HER HEAD, AND--

HOLD UP.[phone dialing]

BITCH, YOU NOTA HOBBIT, RIGHT?

NO, I KNOW, YOU JUST--

YOU SMOKETHAT LONG PIPE SOMETIMES

WHEN YOU SITBY THE FIRE.

OH, IT'S A--OH, OKAY, GOT IT.

WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?YEP, YEP, GOT IT.

OKAY, YEP,LOVE YOU TOO.

[smooches][phone beeps]

THAT IS NOT A HOBBIT PIPE,FOR YOUR INFORMATION.

IT IS A PERSONALORAL HUMIDIFIER

TO KEEP ALL THE WRINKLESAROUND HER MOUTH FROM SHOWING.

SO HA, HA,ALL YOU HATERS, HA!

- OH, NO YOU DON'T,WENDY.

YOU'RE NOT TRAPPING ME INSIDETHE COMPUTER LAB TO BEAT ME UP.

- BUTTERS, WOULD YOU PLEASELET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING

SO WE CAN PUT THISBEHIND US?

- ALL RIGHT,BUT IF YOU TRY TO PUNCH ME,

I'LL SCREAM.

- I WANT YOU TO SEEJUST HOW EASY THIS IS,

SO WE CAN BETTERUNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

THIS IS LISA BERGER'SCLASS PHOTO, RIGHT?

- OKAY.

- NOW, FIRST THING WE DOIS JUST

PHOTOSHOP THE BULGESON HER SIDES.

WE SELECT THE EYES,MAKE THEM A NICER SHAPE.

TAKE OFF ANY BLEMISHESON THE SKIN.

LENGTHEN THE NECK.ADD MORE TO THE HAIR.

SELECT THE LIPS.MAKE THEM FULLER.

TAKE OUT ANY PUFFINESSON THE SKIN HERE.

ADD FULLNESS TO THE BREASTS,LENGTH OF THE TORSO.

TAKE AWAYTHAT FOLD OF SKIN.

STREAMLINE THE SHOULDERS.PUT HIGHLIGHTS IN THE EYES.

AND THERE.

- THAT'S LISA BERGER?

- DO YOU SEEWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

- SHE'S PRETTY!

- THAT'S HOW PEOPLELIKE KIM KARDASHIAN

DESTROY THE SELF IMAGEOF LITTLE GIRLS EVERYWHERE.

- HOLD ON.ARE YOU SAYING THAT GIRL

WANTS TO GO OUT WITH ME?

- WHAT--WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- AND I SAID NO?

OH, MAN,I GOTTA UPLOAD THIS,

AND THEN GOBUY HER SOME FLOWERS,

AND THEN GO TELL HERI LOVE HER.

- BUTTERS!

- LISA?LISA BERGER?

ANYBODY SEEN LISA BERGER?

OH, HEY, ERIC.HAVE YOU SEEN

LISA BERGER ANYWHERE?

- I SAW THAT PICTURE OF HERYOU PUT ON THE INTERNET.

- I KNOW!I'M GONNA TELL HER I LOVE HER,

AND WE'RE GONNA BE TOGETHERAND BE HAPPY FOREVER.

- UH, BUTTERS, I DON'T KNOWHOW TO TELL YOU THIS,

BUT LISA BERGER ISGOING OUT WITH CLYDE.

- WHAT?SINCE WHEN?

- DUDE, SINCE, LIKE,NOON OR 12:30 TODAY.

[overlapping chatter]

- HEY, TOKEN, TOKEN.CHECK OUT MY GIRLFRIEND.

- WOW, SHE'S HOT.

- YEAH, WE JUST STARTEDDATING SERIOUSLY.

YOU WANNA MEETMY NEW GIRLFRIEND, TWEEK?

- OH, MAN, YOU'RE A LUCKY GUY.- YEAH, I KNOW.

- HEY, CLYDE,NICE SCORE DUDE.

all:YEAH.

- OH, THANKS, GUYS.

- HEY, STAN, DID YOU SEECLYDE'S GOING OUT

WITH LISA BERGER?

- YEAH, DUDE,SHE LOOKS AMAZING.

CLYDE SENT ME HER PICS.

SHE GOT REALLY HOTALL OF A SUDDEN.

- YEAH, I WOULDN'T MINDT--TAPPIN' THAT ASS.

- EXCUSE ME.- OH, HEY, WENDY.

CLYDE SENT ME THESE.DON'T BE JEL.

- WHY WOULD I BE JEL?

- WELL, YOU GOT TO ADMIT,

LISA BERGER'SPRETTY HOT, WENDY.

- SHE'S NOT HOT!

THAT'S SUPPOSEDTO BE THE POINT.

- SHE LOOKS PRETTY HOT HERE.

- LISA BERGER IS NOT HOT.SHE'S FAT AND UGLY.

- THAT'S NOTVERY NICE, WENDY.

- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, WENDY?

- I'M SORRY.IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, LISA.

- YOU'RE JUST A HATER.

WHY DON'T YOU MIND YOUR OWNBUSINESS INSTEAD OF BEING JELLY?

- I AM NOT JELLY!

I MADE THAT PICTURE OF YOUTO PROVE A POINT,

AND IT'S BEING TAKENTHE WRONG WAY.

- IT'S OKAY, BABE,GIRLS THAT DON'T HAVE

WHAT YOU HAVEARE ALWAYS GONNA PUT YOU DOWN.

- THANKS, BABE.

BECAUSE YOU'VE ALWAYSBEEN A GOOD STUDENT, MKAY?

BUT CALLING A LITTLE GIRLFAT AND UGLY IS NEVER MKAY.

- MR. MACKEY,I WAS TRYING TO SHOW KIDS THAT--

- NO! NO EXCUSES!

YOU HAVE A PROBLEMBEING JELLY, WENDY, MKAY?

JUST MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE YOUSENT OFF TO JELLY SCHOOL.

- JELLY SCHOOL?- THAT'S RIGHT.

IN FACT, I'M GONNA CALLTHE JELLY SCHOOL RIGHT NOW.

MKAY, I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS,BUT IT'S GONE TOO FAR.

I'VE HAD IT.

HELLO, IS THISTHE JELLY SCHOOL?

MKAY, I HAVE A GIRL HEREWHO'S EXTREMELY JELLY.

I WAS SEEING IF YOU COULDTAKE HER IN FOR A FEW WEEKS.

MKAY, YOU'RE FULL?

OKAY, YEAH, I GUESS SHEDODGED A BULLET THIS TIME,

BUT SHE BETTER WATCHHER JELLY BEHAVIOR.

- MR. MACKEY, I APPRECIATETHE POINT YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE.

- YOU--YOU DO?

MKAY, WELL, I'M NOTACTUALLY ON THE PHONE

WITH THE JELLY SCHOOL,WENDY, MKAY?

- YES. I'M--

I'M A FEW STEPSAHEAD OF THAT, YES.

- MKAY, WELL, WENDY,I'M JUST TRYING TO, UH--

OH, BYE, JELLY SCHOOL.

UH, WENDY, I'M JUST TRYINGTO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND

HOW SERIOUS IT IS WHEN YOULASH OUT AT OTHER GIRLS.

- THANK YOU, MR. MACKEY.I WILL CHANGE.

- MKAY.

IT IS MY HONOR TO GIVETHE PERSON OF THE YEAR AWARD

TO THIS YEAR'S WINNER...

POPE FRANCIS.

[cheers and applause]

- GRACIAS, GRACIAS, ALL OF MY CHILDREN.

- ALL RIGHT, HOLD UP.HOLD UP.

I'M SORRY, POPE,BUT HOLD UP.

I JUST GOTTA SAY THIS--

IF MY FIANCEE IS A HOBBIT,

THEN, UH--

THEN WHAT, BITCH?

OH, YEAH.YEAH, YEAH.

OKAY, IF SHE WAS--

IF SHE IS A HOBBIT,

THEN HOW COMESHE DON'T TURN BLUE

WHEN GOBLINS ARE NEAR?

OH, YOU DIDN'TTHINK OF THAT!

OH, I GUESS SHE'S NOTA HOBBIT THEN.

SHE MUST BEA BEAUTIFUL, SEXY WOMAN.

- THE HOBBIT DOESN'TTURN BLUE AROUND GOBLINS.

JUST HIS SWORD DOES.

- MAN, GET THE [BLEEPED]OUT OF HERE,

YOU HOBBIT TRIVIA BITCH!

WHO THE [BLEEPED] ASKED YOU?

NOBODY IS TALKING ANY MORE SHITABOUT MY WOMAN, ALL RIGHT?

- SHE IS GORGEOUS.

IF SHE WAS HERE,YOU COULD ALL SEE FOR YOURSELF

HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE IS.

BUT SHE CAN'T BE HERE,

BECAUSE SHE HAS A MOVIECOMING OUT ON FRIDAY,

DIRECTED BY PETER JACKSON,CALLED THE HOBBIT!

HOLD UP.

BITCH, THAT MOVIE YOU GOTCOMING OUT IS CALLED THE HOBBIT?

YEAH, BUT IT--IT'S WHAT?

OH, YEAH, YEP,YEAH, I GOT IT, YEP.

YEP, LET ME TELL 'EM.LOVE YOU TOO.

[smooches]

KIM IS NOT EVENIN THAT MOVIE.

THAT MOVIE IS JUST LOOSELY BASEDON HER TELEVISION SHOW

KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS,

WHICH IS A SHOW ABOUT SHORT,LOUD LITTLE PEOPLE

LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD.HOLD UP.

BITCH, IF YOU THE HOBBIT, YOUNEED TO LET ME KNOW RIGHT NOW,

BECAUSE I'M MAKING A FOOLOF MYSELF OUT HERE.

YEAH, YEAH,TAKE IT TO THE TOP.

YEAH, YEAH,ARE WE GONNA STOP?

NO WAY.NO WAY.

- CHEER SQUAD ROLL CALL!

- HEIDI!- NICOLE!

- BEBE!- LOLA!

- RED!- ANNIE!

- LISA BERGER!

[cheers and applause]

- AND I'M YOUR CAPTAIN,WENDY!

[silence]

[cheers and applause]

- LOOK, WENDY, WE ARE ALLVERY HAPPY FOR LISA, OKAY?

NOBODY HERE IS JELLY.

BUT THE BOYS AREN'T EVENNOTICING THE REST OF US ANYMORE.

ALL WE'RE ASKING IS THATYOU DO FOR US

WHAT YOU DID FOR LISA,AND HELP WITH OUR IMPERFECTION.

- I WON'T DO IT, YOU GUYS.I'M SORRY.

- WHY?DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT US?

- BECAUSE IT'S WRONG.

IF YOU GUYS AREN'T HAPPYWITH THE WAY YOU LOOK,

THEN THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

- HEY, GIRLS.

DON'T BE SAD.

IF YOU WANT TO LOOKREALLY HOT LIKE ME,

YOU JUST GOTTA BEWILLING TO SWEAT.

GET DOWNTO THE GYM AND WORK.

[percussive music]

- ALL RIGHT, GIRLS,WE'RE GONNA TRIM THAT FAT

AND TONE THOSE BODIES.

LET'S DO THIS.YOU FIRST.

GET RIGHT UP THERE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW,LOOK HERE.

COME ON!BURN IT OFF!

YOU GOT THIS!

- ♪ YOU WANNA LOOK PRETTY

♪ YOU WANT A BOYFRIEND

♪ YOU WANT A NICE ASS

♪ YOU BETTER WORK OUT SLUT

[electronic dance music]

♪ YOU WANT NICE THINGS

♪ YOU WANT BOYSTO GIVE YOU NICE THINGS ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WORK OUT, SLUT

- LOOK AT THOSE THIGHS.

COME ON,YOU GOTTA PUSH HARDER!

- ♪ NOW GET TO WORK, SLUT

♪ PARTY IN THE COOKIE TROUGH

♪ PARTY IN THE COOKIE TROUGH

♪ PARTY IN THE COOKIE TROUGH

♪ YOU BETTER WORK OUT, WHORE

- WOW, SHE LOOKS GREAT.- WHOA, LOOK AT BEBE.

I HAD NO IDEABEBE WAS THAT HOT.

- YEAH, BUT DID YOU SEETOKEN'S GIRLFRIEND?

all: WOW.

- MY BITCH IS STILLTHE HOTTEST, YOU GUYS.

- NO WAY,GO BACK TO ANNIE NELSON.

SHE'S BUILT LIKE A SLIM-JIM.

- YEAH, CLEARLY ANNIE NELSON

IS THE HOTTEST GIRLAT OUR SCHOOL.

LOOK AT THOSE EYES.

- DID YOU NOT SEEERICA SMITH'S BOOBS, KYLE?

THEY'RE LIKE PERFECTWATER BALLOONS.

- I DO LOVE WATER BALLOONS.

- HEY, WENDY,COULD I ASK YOU A BIG FAVOR?

- WHAT?

- A LOT OF THE PICTURESI HAVE OF YOU ARE KIND OF

OUTDATED AND, YOU KNOW,I WANT TO BE ABLE

TO SHOW EVERYONEHOW PRETTY YOU ARE--

- SO YOU WANT A PHOTOSHOPPEDPICTURE OF ME

TO TAKE AWAY ANY IMPERFECTIONS,IS THAT IT?

HOW DARE YOU, STAN?

- WENDY, WHY IS ITSUCH A BIG DEAL?

- BECAUSE PEOPLE SHOULD BEOKAY WITH THE WAY THEY LOOK.

I HAVE PIMPLES ON MY FOREHEAD.MY BOTTOM TEETH ARE CROOKED.

SO WHAT?YOU HAVE SHORT LEGS.

- I DO?

- YEAH, AND JASONHAS FRECKLES,

AND BILLY TURNERHAS NARROW SHOULDERS.

THE CHEERLEADERS--BEBE HAS ACNE

LOLA'S ARMS ARE TOO SHORT,NICOLE'S EYES ARE PUFFY,

ANNIE HAS THIN HAIR,AND HEIDI TURNER'S BUTT IS FLAT!

OH, GOD DAMN IT.

- YOU HATER!

- WENDY, IN MY OFFICERIGHT NOW, MKAY!

- [groans]

♪ ONE THING I KNOWMY GIRL AIN'T NO HOBBIT ♪

♪ SHE MIGHT BE STUMPYTHAT DON'T MEAN SHE A HOBBIT ♪

♪ SHE'S NOT A HOBBIT'CAUSE SHE COULDN'T BE ♪

♪ SHE GOT NO BAGGINSESIN HER FAMILY TREE ♪

♪ YES ON OCCASION SHE HANGS OUTWITH HER DWARF FRIENDS ♪

♪ BUT SHE NEVER WENT ONNO QUEST ♪

♪ WITH HER DWARF FRIENDS

♪ EXCEPT FOR ONE TIMESHE WENT TO KILL THAT DRAGON ♪

♪ SHE TOOK HIS GOLD AND SHE--

HANG ON A MINUTE, I'M SORRY.I'M SORRY.

BITCH, REMEMBERWHEN YOU WENT OFF

TO KILL THAT DRAGONWITH THEM DWARVES?

YEAH. OH, YEAH. RIGHT, RIGHT,RIGHT. YEP, I GOT IT.

YUP, LOVE YOU TOO.[smooches]

♪ IT WASN'T NO DRAGONSO MY GIRL AIN'T NO HOBBIT ♪

♪ THAT WAS A QUIZNOSAND MY BITCH WENT TO ROB IT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THEY GOT THAT HAMTHAT SHE RUBS ON HER CELLULITE ♪

♪ WHILE SHE DRINKIN' HER GROGAND SINGIN' THOSE MERRY SONGS ♪

♪ AT NIGHT

♪ MY GIRL AIN'T NO HOBBIT

♪ PLEASE GOD TELL MEI'M NOT ENGAGED TO NO HOBBIT ♪

- ♪ KIM IS NOT A HOBBIT

♪ WHO ARE YOU YELLING FOR

♪ SOUTH PARKLET'S GO COWS ♪

- HEIDI!- NICOLE!

- BEBE!- LOLA!

- RED!- ANNIE!

- LISA BERGER!

- WENDY.

[all groan]- SHE SUCKS.

- OH, GOD!- UGH!

- CAN WE TRY THISWITHOUT WENDY?

- I AGREE.- HEY, COME ON, YOU GUYS.

SHE JUST NEEDSMORE CONFIDENCE.

IT'S OKAY, WENDY.

WHO CARES IF NO ONE LIKES YOU?

MAYBE YOU SHOULDGO OUT WITH BUTTERS.

- LET'S JUST GET BACKTO CHEERING, OKAY?

- I DON'T THINK SO. WE DON'TWANT TO CHEER WITH A HATER.

- YEAH, YOU HAVEA BAD SELF IMAGE, WENDY.

YOU NEED TO GET DOWN TO THE GYMAND GET A BETTER ONE.

- YEAH!- THAT'S RIGHT!

- SEE, THE PROBLEM WITH HAVINGFAKE PICTURES OF YOURSELF

IS THAT YOU START TOBELIEVE IN YOUR OWN BULLSHIT!

THIS HAS GONE WAY TOO FAR.

AND IF SOCIETY WON'T FIX IT,I WILL!

- WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO?

- SOMETHING THAT SHOULD'VE BEENDONE A LONG TIME AGO.

- IT'S THE MORNING NEWSWITH TOM AND TAMMY THOMPSON.

- A LITTLE GIRLIS MAKING BIG WAVES

WITH HER FIGHTAGAINST PHOTOSHOP.

- NINE-YEAR-OLDWENDY TESTABURGER

HAS STARTED A CAMPAIGN,

AND TOMORROW, WILL SPEAKBEFORE THE STATE SENATE

TO BAN THE USEOF PHOTOSHOPPED IMAGES,

SAYING THEY'RE HARMFULTO YOUNG GIRLS.

YOUNG LADY,WHAT IS YOUR MESSAGE?

- WATCHING WHAT PHOTOSHOPIS DOING TO SOCIETY...

LITTLE GIRLS ARE ASPIRINGTO HAVE BODIES

THEY CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE!

WE HAVE TO PUT A STOP TO IT.

- AND YOU'RE NOT JUSTBEING A HATER?

- NO.

- 'CAUSE SOMETIMES GIRLSWHO AREN'T WELL-LIKED,

YOU KNOW, LASH OUTAT PRETTY AND POPULAR GIRLS.

ARE YOU WELL-LIKEDAT YOUR SCHOOL?

- NOT LATELY, NO.

- UH-HUH.BUT YOU'RE NOT BEING JELLY.

- NO, THAT HASNOTHING TO DO WITH ME

WANTING TO PROTEST AGAINSTPHOTOSHOPPED IMAGES.

- OKAY,BECAUSE I DO UNDERSTAND

THAT THE JELLY SCHOOLIN AURORA

IS READY TO TAKE YOU IN,IS THAT RIGHT, RICK?

- TOM, I'M STANDINGIN FRONT OF THE JELLY SCHOOL

WHERE OFFICIALS CLAIMTHEY DO HAVE ROOM

FOR THIS LITTLE HATER GIRL.

WE'RE BEING TOLDIF SHE DOESN'T STOP THE--

- THAT'S NOT A JELLY SCHOOL,THAT'S A DUNKIN' DONUTS.

- WELL, OKAY,BUT YOU ARE A HATER.

- THAT'S FINE!

PEOPLE CAN CALL MEWHATEVER NAMES THEY WANT TO.

I DON'T CARE.

THERE IS A CANCERIN OUR COUNTRY,

AND I AM NOT GOING TO RESTUNTIL PHOTOSHOPPED IMAGES

ARE REQUIRED TO BE LABELEDFOR WHAT THEY ARE--FAKE.

AND NOTHING IN THIS WORLDIS GOING TO STOP ME!

[screams]

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- "ONCE UPON A TIMETHERE WAS A LITTLE HOBBIT

"WHO LIVED IN THE FOREST.

"AND ALL THE HOBBIT EVER WANTEDWAS TO BE BEAUTIFUL.

"AND EVEN THOUGH SHE WASSHORT AND FAT AND HAIRY,

"THIS LITTLE HOBBITDREAMED THAT ONE DAY

SHE COULD BE PRETTYLIKE BEYONCE."

[sniffles, clears throat]

"AND THEN ONE DAY,

ALONG CAME A MAGIC POWERCALLED PHOTOSHOP.

"AND JUST LIKE THAT--POOF.THE LITTLE HOBBIT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

"AND EVEN THOUGH SHE STILLCOULDN'T SING LIKE BEYONCE,

"OR DANCE LIKE BEYONCE,OR ACT LIKE BEYONCE,

"OR BE A DECENT HUMAN BEINGLIKE BEYONCE,

"THE LITTLE HOBBITWAS LOOKED UP TO AND LOVED,

JUST LIKE BEYONCE."[sniffles]

"SOON SHE HAD MONEYAND ADORATION

AND A HIP-HOP FIANCEWHO LOVED HER VERY MUCH--"

I'M SORRY, HOLD UP.

[sniffs]HOLD UP. I'M SORRY.

"EVERYTHING WAS GOODFOR THE HOBBIT.

"BUT THEN THIS MEAN LITTLE GIRLCALLED THE JELLY MONSTER,

"SHE WAS SO JELLYOF THE HOBBIT

"THAT SHE TOLD EVERYONESHE WAS A LIAR

"AND THE HOBBIT'S FIANCEREALIZED SHE WAS JUST A HOBBIT.

"AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?

"HE SAID, 'I DON'T CARE!'

"AND THENTHE JELLY MONSTER CAME

"AND TRIED TO TAKETHE MAGIC POWDER

"AWAY FROM THE LITTLE HOBBIT.

"SO THE HOBBIT PRAYED TO GOD,AND GOD SAID,

"'DON'T WORRY, LITTLE HOBBIT,

"I WILL GO FINDTHIS JELLY MONSTER GIRL

"AND I WILL READ HER A STORYAND MELT HER ICY HEART.

"AND THE HOBBIT SAID,'THANK YOU.'

"AND THE HOBBIT AND GODLIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

IN THE SHOWER FOREVER'CAUSE I LOVE HER SO MUCH."

[sniffles, sobs]I'M SORRY. HOLD UP.

HOLD UP. HOLD UP.I'M SORRY.

- I'M SORRY. I'M SORRYTHAT I HAVE BEEN JELLY.

- SO HOLD UP,I'M SORRY, IT'S OKAY.

HOLD UP. I'M SORRY.

- NO, NO, I'VE BEEN A HATER,AND I REALLY AM SORRY.

- I'M SORRY, THAT'S OKAY.

I'VE BEEN JELLY BEFORE TOO,I'M SORRY.

- [clicks mouse]

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