Wow, this isso great.
Have you ever read
the elementary-schoolnewspaper, Linda?
There's no ads,no sponsored content,
no links to click on,
just news storiesabout what's happening.
Did you knowthat the police in ShiTpaTown
beat up homelessto clear them out?
Do you knowhow long its been
since I was able to justsit back and read the news?
I got so used to getting newsoff the Internet,
but I feel likeI'm always trying
to chase the news,somehow.
It's likeI'm in a black void
trying to reachthe news story.
But thenthe next thing I know,
I'm reading and adfor GEICO,
so I click out of thatand try to read the news story,
but it's not a news story,it's a slide show,
and I'm lookingat the worst
celebrity plastic-surgeryjobs ever.
So, of course,I want to see the next slide
of plastic surgery gone wrong,so I hit the arrow.
But then the arrow wasn'tthe arrow for the next slide,
it was to take me for an adfor face cream.
I wantedto get a news story,
but I'm readingabout face cream,
and I try to click out of it,but the ad is following me.
It's -- It's following meall over the screen!
So, I clickon the "close" button,
but it wasn't a "close" button,it was another slide show.
And I just want to knowwhat's happening
in the Middle East,but instead,
I'm looking at the top 10scariest movies of all time.
And that's not the arrowfor the next slide,
it's for another ad!
But this --This is just news.
And I don't get lostin all the bullshit.
McKenzie,you got consent forms?
Oh, yeah.Right here, bro.
Rise and shine, guys.
If you scored last night,I need your consent forms.
Thank you.Thank you.
Thank you. Whoa, Barker,did you perform cunnilingus?
There's a differentrelease form, bro.
Yeah, uh, s-sorry.It's right here.
Oh, dude! Bro!
Dude, I scoredwith this female,
and after consenting toputting her mouth on my penis,
she wanted meto walk her home.Yeah?
And when I got to her house,
she had me meet her father,who is Filipino.
So, I asked himif he could tell me about
the cultural and social dynamicsof being a Filipino American.Naturally.
So, he said some stuff,
and then a newspaper landson his doorstep,
'cause I guessher dad subscribes
to this school newspaper,
and he picked it up, and I sawthe headline said this!
What the [bleep]is this, bro?!
Bro, that little kid wrotethat our tolerant views
and fightfor social justice
is just a way for usto crush puss!
But that's not true!
I know, bro!We're being totally victimized!
That little [bleep] dude!