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Gigolo H-O-R-S-E

The men of "Gigolo House" compete in a series of challenges, Mikey returns to school with a new style and a pill addiction, and two detectives work a case in "Dead Girl Town." (21:16)

- WELCOME TO GIGOLO HORSE.

I'M MARC XYZ,

AND TODAY OUR GIGOLO WILL BECOMPETING IN A GAME OF HORSE

TO SEE WHO WILL STAYAND WHO WILL GO.

- WE'RE NOT WHORES, BRO.WE'RE PROFESSIONALS.

- NO, NOT "WHORES."HORSE.

- ALL RIGHT.- H-O--ALL RIGHT, WHAT?

- WHERE IS IT?- WHERE IS WHAT?

- THE HORSE?BRING OUT THE HORSE.

I'LL [bleep] THE HORSE.

- ANYONE EVER PLAYEDBASKETBALL?

- I PLAYED A LITTLE BIT.

JUST LIKE IN THE DRIVEWAY,NOT LIKE--

- SURE.- IT WASN'T, LIKE,

AN ORGANIZED LEAGUE OR ANY--

I SHOULD NOT--I OVERSTATED IT.

I'VE NOT PLAYED BASKETBALL.

- STRAIGHT UP,I HAVE NO IDEA

WHAT'S HAPPENINGWITH GIGOLO HORSE.

- UNLESS IT'S A HORSETHAT'S A GIGOLO,

AND THAT'S SCARY, DUDE,

'CAUSE THAT HORSEIS GONNA HURT YOUR BODY,

LIKE, IF YOU'RE A PERSON.

- IF IT'S COMPETITIVE,

THEN CT'S ON MY TEAM,'CAUSE THIS KID'S A MONSTER.

- EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M A MONSTER.

IT'S JUST WHAT IT IS.

- THANKS.

- NO, BUZZSAW.YOU'RE NOT CT.

- ANYWAY,I'M HERE TO BE YOUR HOST,

AND I'M ALSO YOUR JUDGE,BUT I'M NOT JUDGING ALONE.

- WHAT?

- TO HELP US JUDGETODAY'S EVENT,

WE BROUGHTFRIEND OF THE SHOW...

FORMER FEMALE GIGOLO,FARLEY.

[Draztic Music's Back It Up]

- ♪ I LOOK AT HERSHE LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ TELL YOU, BABY,WHAT YOU SEE ♪

- FARLEY?JUDGING ME?

ARE YOU JOKING ME, BRO?

- NO.

GENTLEMEN, I WILL BEFAIR AND IMBALANCED,

SOMETHING YOU COULD NEVER DO,BOBBY,

WITH ALL YOUR DUMB EMOTIONS.

- WHAT AN INTERESTINGTURN OF EVENTS

ON THIS EPISODEOF "GIGOLO HORSE."

- LET'S [bleep] THIS HORSE!

[dubstep music]

[upbeat rock music]

- MIKEY, YOU'RE BACK.

- HEY, TUNES.- IT'S BEEN SO LONG.

- LONG ENOUGH FOR METO LEARN TO WALK AGAIN

AFTER YOU GUNSHOT ME.

- AND LONG ENOUGH FOR METO SERVE A PRISON SENTENCE

FOR NARCOTICSAND ARMED VIOLENCE.

- HA HA HA HA.

- PLUS, YOU'RE TRANS NOW.WHAT A DREAM COME TRUE.

- WHAT?OH, I'M NOT TRANS.

I'M FILLEDWITH ALL THESE NEW EMOTIONS,

AND I'M EXPRESSING THEMTHROUGH MY NEW LOOK.

GETTING GUNSHOT CAN REALLYCHANGE A PERSON,

BOTH INSIDE AND OUT.

LATER, TUNES.

[Illustrated's Mental Drug]

- ♪ THESE DEMONS FOUND ME OUT

- MIKEY, YOU FORGOTYOUR ZIP-UP POCKET SACK.

[theme music]

- AND OF COURSE, OUR FLAG WASDESIGNED BY MR. GEORGE STANLEY.

IT'S MEANT TO SAY,"LOOK AT THESE MAPLE TREES."

HEY THERE, MIKEY.YOU'RE LATER

THAN A PREGNANT STUDENT'SMENSTRUAL SLOUGH.

[chuckles]- SORRY.

- HEY, CANE.GREAT STANDING STICK, EH?

- YOU KNOW WHO ELSELIKES THIS CANE, ZACHARY?

- WHO'S THAT?- YOUR MOM.

[rock music]

NO PARDON.

- [laughs]

AN EXCELLENT RETORT FROM MIKEY

TO OUR CLASSROOM'SFINEST BULLY, ZACHARY.

ALL RIGHT,LET'S GO BACK TO SCIENCES.

- YOU LEFT THESE IN THE HALL.- FAR OUT.

[Illustrated's Mental Drug]

- ♪ 'CAUSE I NEED HELPI NEED SOMEONE ♪

♪ TO HELP ME KICKTHIS MENTAL DRUG ♪

[soft music]

- [laughs]

[gasps]

HI THERE, TUNES.

- COACH TEACHER,DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT?

- YOU BET I DO.CARE FOR A HONK OF THIS J-BIRD?

- I RESPECTFULLY DECLINE.

THANK YOU, COACH TEACHER.- RIGHT.

- I THINK MIKEY'SA DRUGS ADDICT.

- HE WAS VERBALLY ABUSIVETO ZACHARY THIS MORNING

IN SCIENCES,BUT I JUST FIGURED THAT HAD

SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACTTHAT HE'S NOW TRANS.

- NO, MIKEY'S NOT TRANS.

THAT'S JUST HIS NEW CHOICEOF FASHION.

- I THINK WE BOTH KNOWWHAT WE HAVE TO DO HERE.

- MIKEY HAS BEENTHROUGH TOO DARN MUCH.

PARDON MY LANGUAGE.

HE'S SO YOUNG.WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

- THIS IS A CIRCLE OF LOVE.THIS IS ABOUT, MIKEY.

WANT HIM TO GET OFF THE DRUGSTHAT HE'S ADDICTED TO.

[hard rock music]

- COACH TEACHER,YOU SUMMONED ME?

- I SURE DID, MIKEY.

- TUNES?MOM?

ZACHARY?INUIT ANDY?

MARIE THE JANITOR?

WAIT A MOMENT,IS THIS A SUGGESTION?

- WERE YOU EVER BULLIED?- OH.

I'M NOT SURE.

[both laughing]YES, OF COURSE I WAS BULLIED.

MY BULLY--OH, MY GOD.

MY BULLY GROWING UPHAD A STUTTER.

YEAH.- WAS HE BULLYING YOU

BECAUSE OF THE STUTTER?- [sighs]

HE WAS BULLYING MEBECAUSE I WAS FAT AND GAY,

I THINK,AND THAT TRUMPS STUTTER.

- HE WASN'T HIGHON THE BULLYING SCALE.

HE WAS LIKE, "WHO CAN I"--- NO, HE WASN'T, LIKE,

EVERYONE'S BULLY.HE WAS, LIKE, MY BULLY.

both: YEAH.[both laughing]

- HE WAS LIKE,"THERE HE IS."

- DID YOU EVER HAVEA COMEUPPANCE WITH HIM?

DID YOU EVER HAVE A MOMENT?- WELL, HE ACTUALLY IS DEAD NOW.

[both laughing]

- SO--[both laughing]

[police siren blaring]

[police radio chatter]

[early rock and roll music]

♪ SHE MUST BE AN ANGEL'CAUSE I AM IN HEAVEN ♪

[gunshot]

- [scoffs]

- DETECTIVE LOGAN?

- WELL, THAT'S GOOD DETECTIVEWORK, SWEETHEART.

YOU SHOULD TRYTO JOIN THE FORCE.

[laughs]- YEAH,

I ALREADY DID THATFIVE YEARS AGO.

- OH, TRY AND TRY AGAIN.

- GOOD, YOU'RE ACQUAINTED.I GOT A CASE FOR YOU.

- CHIEF, THIS ISTHE 40th DEAD GIRL

IN AS MANY WEEKS AS--

WAIT, WHERE'S LOGAN?

- LET'S GO, SLOWPOKE, OR DO YOUNOT CARE ABOUT DEAD GIRLS.

[scoffs]

- WELCOMETO THE GLENDON TRAIL P.D.

- I DON'T EXACTLY WORK WELLWITH OTHERS.

- ♪ HEAVEN NOW

[police radio chatter]

- DETECTIVE LOGAN,GLENDON TRAIL HOMICIDE.

- WELL, THANK GOD.I WAS AFRAID THIS WAS

IN THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENTJURISDICTION.

- WELL, IT'S NOTMY JURISDICTION.

JUST BECAUSE A BODY'SON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD

DOESN'T MAKE ITTHE STATE TROOPERS' PROBLEM.

- [scoffs] ENOUGH,UNLESS ONE OF YOU GUYS

WANT TO TELLTHIS DEAD GIRL'S PARENTS

WHY WE COULDN'T FIND HER KILLER,'CAUSE IT WASN'T

IN ANY OF OUR...[chuckles]

"JURISDICTIONS."[scoffs]

POOR KID.- WHAT DO YOU SEE?

- I SEE A DEAD GIRLIN THE TRASH.

[chuckles]

ALSO, I SEE GLITTERON HER NECK.

- YOU THINK SHE'S A STRIPPER?- [chuckles]

- SHE'S A DEAD GIRL,ISN'T SHE?

- SANITATION DEPARTMENT.

CAN WE SAY SHE WASN'T FOUNDIN A PILE OF TRASH?

- [scoffs]FINE,

IF YOU WANT TO TELLHER PARENTS THAT.

- OH, I'M BAD WITH PARENTS.

- HOPE YOU'RE BETTER WITH TRASH.

LET'S GO.

[theme music]

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