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Obama College Years

A young Barack Obama discovers how inspirational a party can be, and two hitmen get sidetracked. (21:15)

[laughter, applause]

ALL RIGHT.

EVERYBODY FOCUS UP. LOOK.

THIS PARTY TONIGHTCOULD BE A MODEL

FOR THE WAY THAT THE WORLDSHOULD WORK.

AND I JUST WANT TO SAY...

I'M TOTALLY STOKEDTO THE MAX ABOUT IT.

ALL RIGHT?YOU GUYS FEELING GOOD?

OH, DENNIS, WHAT,ARE YOU SHOOTING VIDEO?

- YEAH, MAN.

- ALL RIGHT, WELL,BE CAREFUL WITH THAT.

I MIGHT RUNFOR OFFICE SOMEDAY.

[laughter]

NOW, TRUST ME,I THINK THAT THIS PARTY CAN BE

THE MOST INSPIRATIONAL PARTYTHIS CAMPUS HAS EVER SEEN.

IS THAT COMING TO ME?

LET ME JUST GRAB THAT.

THAT'S SOME RIGHTEOUS BUD.

SOME RIGHTEOUS BUDWE GOT GOING ON THERE.

WE NEED SOME BODACIOUSJOCK BABES COMING IN.

WE NEED SOME HOT-ASSPUNK ROCK BABES.

I-I-I DON'T CAREWHERE THEY COME FROM.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING--IT'S IMPERATIVE

THAT WE HAVE A DIVERSITYIN THE, UH...

PUSSY DEPARTMENT.

INTERCEPTED.

DON'T SLEEP ON BARRY O.

DON'T EVERSLEEP ON BARRY O.

WHOO!

[party noise, chatter]

- APARTHEID IS TOTALLY GNARLY.IT'S A GNARLY INSTITUTION.

WHERE IS THE--DENNIS, DEN--

THERE WE--COME HERE.GET THIS, GET THIS.

OKAY, WE--WE GOTTA HAVE A SYSTEMIN PLACE TO GET EVERYBODY WEED.

ALL RIGHT? SO JUST WATCH--THIS IS HOW YOU'RE GONNA DO IT.

ALL RIGHT, THIS--THIS IS--

I'M REALLY [bleep] FROSTYRIGHT NOW, BY THE WAY.

THIS IS YOUR CONSTITUTION,ALL RIGHT?

IT'S JUST A PIECE OF PAPER.

WE GOTTA KEEP ITS INTEGRITY,

'CAUSE IT'S GONNA HOLDEVERYTHING TOGETHER.

THIS RIGHT HERE...

THIS IS US.THIS IS THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

WE'RE SPECIAL. WE'RE MAGIC.WHOA, YAY, WE ALL LIVE IN HERE.

ALL RIGHT,THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

IS THAT WE DON'TGET TOO FAR APART.

ME AND YOU, WE--WE GOTTA BE CLOSE.

THAT'S--THAT'S THE MAGICOF AMERICA IS LOVE.

OTHERWISE, YOU'RE GONNAGET AIR BUBBLES IN THERE.

IT'S GONNA STARTCANOEING AND EVERYTHING.

WE DON'T WANT THAT,ALL RIGHT? YOU GET THAT?

ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU, BRO.I'M ALREADY DONE.

BOOM, FIREWORKS.FOURTH OF JULY. THAT'S FOR YOU.

WE WANT LIKEA TON OF THESE.

OH, MY GOD,I'M SO [bleep] BLAZED.

I'M SO [bleep] HIGH.

OH, [bleep].WHAT WAS I SAYING?

- COME NOW, MARY MAGDALENE.

STAND AND BE FORGIVENFOR YOUR SINS.

- BUT, JESUS,HOW CAN I BE FORGIVEN?

I'M A PROSTITUTE.

- NO, CHILD.

YOU WERE A PROSTITUTE.

THAT LIFE IS BEHIND YOU NOW.

- MARY MAGDALENE!WHERE YOU AT, BITCH?

- OH, NO, JESUS.

I THINK IT'S MY PIMP.I THINK HE FOUND ME.

- THERE YOU ARE!

MAN, TOOK ME FOREVERTO FIND YO ASS!

I BEEN LOOKIN'ALL OVER FOR YOU!

YOU KNOW HOW MANY BITCHESNAMED MARY THERE ARE UP IN HERE?

NOW GET YOUR ASSIN THAT CARAVAN!

- NO!

NO, I'M NOTGOING WITH YOU, GALILEROY.

I'M GONNASTAY HERE WITH JESUS.

- WHAT THE FLIP IS THIS?

YOU WASHINGTHIS [bleep] FEET?

- MAYBE.- WELL, I TAUGHT YOU THAT!

I RESCUED YOUFROM THAT FISHING VILLAGE,

I CLEANED YOU UPAND GOT YOU OUT TO WORK,

AND NOW THIS ISHOW YOU REPAY ME?

YOU GO OUT AND GET YOURSELFANOTHER PIMP?

HELL, NO, BROTHA,SHE'S MINE.

- I DON'T THINKYOU UNDERSTAND.

SHE'S NOT GOING WITH YOU.

- WELL, I CAN'T AFFORDTO LOSE HER.

I ALREADY LOST THREE BITCHESTO LEPROSY, ALL RIGHT?

ALL I GOT LEFT IS MARY,A CRIPPLE, AND TWO BLIND CHICKS,

WHO--

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW,THEY GET REQUESTED A LOT.

DON'T ASK ME HOW THAT WORKS.

- GET OUTTA HERE!

I'M NOT GOING WITH YOU,GALILEROY.

I'M STAYING HERE WITH JESUS,AND I'M WARNING YOU,

JESUS HAS, LIKE,12 FOLLOWERS.

TELL HIM.- OH, 12?

PSSH. OKAY, ALL RIGHT, SO THISMOTHER[bleep] A SERIOUS PIMP.

- NO, MY FRIEND.YOU'RE CONFUSED.

IT'S 12 MEN.

- UH, WHAT--WHAT, YOU A GAY PIMP?

- I'M NOT A PIMP.I'M A CARPENTER.

- CARPENTER?[scoffs]

THEN WHY DOES YOUR HOUSELOOK LIKE [bleep]?

- I'VE BEEN BUSYWITH NON-CARPENTRY WORK.

- OKAY, THAT'S IT.BITCH, PACK YOUR [bleep].

GET IN THE CARAVANAND MAKE ME SOME MONEY.

- NO! AND I DON'THAVE ANY STUFF TO PACK.

JESUS SAYSWE DON'T NEED THINGS.

- WHAT THE--- IS THIS ALL ABOUT MONEY?

- HELL, YEAH,IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY, BROTHA.

- I HAVE A SAYING.IT GOES LIKE THIS.

- OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.- SHUT UP.

- IT'S EASIER FOR A CAMEL TOPASS THROUGH THE EYE OF A NEEDLE

THAN FOR A RICH MANTO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

- WHEW.- OH, YEAH?

WELL, I GOT A SAYING TOO.

IT'S EAS--YOU KNOW,WHY DON'T YOU PASS YOUR OWN--

PASS YOUR ASSTHROUGH THE NEED--

MAN, [bleep] YOU, MAN.COME ON!

- THE GIRL STAYS.

- WHAT? [grunts]- OH!

[heavenly music plays]

- MOTHER[bleep],I SLAP YOU,

AND YOU WANT METO HIT YOU ON THE OTHER CHEEK?

THAT AIN'T GANGSTA.

THIS [bleep] IS CRAZY.

YOU CAN HAVE HIM.I'M DONE.

- WAIT, FRIEND.

[opera music plays]

SO YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARENO HARD FEELINGS,

WOULD YOU CARETO JOIN US FOR DINNER?

- WHAT Y'ALL HAVIN'?

- [operatic singing]♪

- MEN, AS WE LAUNCHTHE COUNTERATTACK

AGAINST THE UNION ARMY,WE MUST REMEMBER

THAT EVEN THOUGH WE MAY DIE

A GLORIOUS DEATHON THE BATTLEFIELD,

WE DO SO TO PRESERVEA WAY OF LIFE.

THE SOUTHERN WAY OF LIFE.

A WAY OF LIFESO PURE AND BEAUTIFUL

THAT NO MAN NOR GOVERNMENTCAN TAKE THIS AWAY FROM US.

THE RIGHT...

THE RIGHT TO PRESERVE.

OUR OWN SO--

TO--

WE A--OH, [bleep].

- WELL, HELLO THERE, MASSA.SORRY WE LATE.

- SHORE DIDN'T MEANTO SNEAK UP ON YA, SIR.

- LOOK, FELLAS,WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE

A NICE, LITTLE CIVIL WARREENACTMENT HERE.

WE DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE.

- SO ARE WE, SIR.

WE--WE--WE TRYING TO HAVEA REAL NICE REENACTMENT.

WE CERTAINLY DON'T WANNA CAUSEANY TROUBLE EITHER.

DO WE, SAM?

- YOU ALWAYS TAUGHT US

TROUBLE ONLY COMES TO THOSEWHO GONE DONE LOOKIN' FOR IT.

- SO DON'T STOP YOUR SPEECHIN'ON OUR ACCOUNT.

[giggles]

- AS JEFFERSON DA--OKAY, I KNOWWHAT YOU'RE DOING. I GET IT.

- WHAT WE DOIN', SIR?

I DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT.

DO YOU KNOWWHAT HE TALKIN' 'BOUT, SAM?

- WHY, WE JUST HERETO SLAVE ON ABOUT,

ANY OLE WHICH WAYYOU WANT US TO.

- HOW MANY TIMESDO I HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE,

JUST BECAUSE WE'RE DRESSEDLIKE CONFEDERATE SOLDIERS

DOESN'T MEANWE'RE PRO SLAVERY?

WE'RE JUST HERE TO PRESERVE

THE PURE AND BEAUTIFUL SLICEOF SOUTHERN HISTORY.

- YEAH, PURE AND BEAUTIFUL...SLICE.

- OH, LORDY, LORDY, LORDY!WE SORRY, BOSS!

OH, WE SO SORRY!

- PLEASE DON'TGIVE US THE WHIP.

- OKAY, NOBODY'S GONNA WHIPANYBODY, JUST STOP IT.

- YEAH, JUST STOP IT.

- ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, JUST--JUST IGNORE 'EM.

ALL RIGHT?

NOW, WE'RE HERETO PRESERVE OUR WAY OF LIFE.

THE SOUTH HAS A RIGHT TO OWN--both: ♪ OH, MY LORD, LORD

- THE SOUTHHAS A WAY OF LIFE--

both: ♪ OH, MY LORD - THE UNION CANNOT STOP US FR--

both: ♪ OH, MY LORD, LORD

♪ OH, MY LORD...

- THE UNION YANKEE BASTARDSCANNOT STOP US--

- ♪ OH, LORD!

- ALL RIGHT, STOP IT!STOP IT! THAT'S ENOUGH!

YOU WANNA BE PART OF THISREENACTMENT?

FINE.YOU'RE PART OF IT.

GO--GO FETCH US SOME MUNITIONSAND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT--

DON'T JUST STAND THERELIKE A BUNCH OF LAZY [bleep].

- THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?- THAT IS ALL I NEEDED TO HEAR.

- GENTLEMEN,GIVE US YOUR CASH

AND ANYTHING THAT ISAN ACTUAL COLLECTOR'S ITEM.

- YOU RACIST MOTHER[bleep].

- OKAY.DON'T HAVE ALL DAY, MAN.

OKAY, THANK YOU.THANK YOU.

WALLETS, WALLETS,WALLETS, WALLETS.

- THAT'S A VERY NICE PIECE.

THESE ARE HEAVY.

[party noise, chatter]

- APARTHEID IS TOTALLY GNARLY.IT'S A GNARLY INSTITUTION.

WHERE IS THE--DENNIS, DEN--

THERE WE--COME HERE.GET THIS, GET THIS.

OKAY, WE--WE GOTTA HAVE A SYSTEMIN PLACE TO GET EVERYBODY WEED.

ALL RIGHT? SO JUST WATCH--THIS IS HOW YOU'RE GONNA DO IT.

ALL RIGHT, THIS--THIS IS--

I'M REALLY [bleep] FROSTYRIGHT NOW, BY THE WAY.

THIS IS YOUR CONSTITUTION,ALL RIGHT?

IT'S JUST A PIECE OF PAPER.

WE GOTTA KEEP ITS INTEGRITY,

'CAUSE IT'S GONNA HOLDEVERYTHING TOGETHER.

THIS RIGHT HERE...

THIS IS US.THIS IS THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

WE'RE SPECIAL. WE'RE MAGIC.WHOA, YAY, WE ALL LIVE IN HERE.

ALL RIGHT,THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

IS THAT WE DON'TGET TOO FAR APART.

ME AND YOU, WE--WE GOTTA BE CLOSE.

THAT'S--THAT'S THE MAGICOF AMERICA IS LOVE.

OTHERWISE, YOU'RE GONNAGET AIR BUBBLES IN THERE.

IT'S GONNA STARTCANOEING AND EVERYTHING.

WE DON'T WANT THAT,ALL RIGHT? YOU GET THAT?

ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU, BRO.I'M ALREADY DONE.

BOOM, FIREWORKS.FOURTH OF JULY. THAT'S FOR YOU.

WE WANT LIKEA TON OF THESE.

OH, MY GOD,I'M SO [bleep] BLAZED.

I'M SO [bleep] HIGH.

OH, [bleep].WHAT WAS I SAYING?

[electronic music]

- WE MET B-BOY JOSEPHIN ATLANTA, G.A.

- HI, JOSEPH.

- [British accent]ALL RIGHT. YEAH.

START THE MUSIC.

[hip-hop music]

- HAS HE STARTED YET?

- I THINK--I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS IT.

THANK YOU.

- YEAH, THANK YOU.- I AIN'T DONE YET, THOUGH.

- THANK YOU, JOSEPH.

IT'S--IT'SDEFINITELY A NO FOR ME.

- IT'S A NO. I'M SORRY.

- NO.

- ALL RIGHT.THANK YOU, JOSEPH.

- GUYS, YOU--YOU KNOW,

I AIN'T GOT NO FORMAL TRAININ'OR NOTHIN' LIKE THAT.

I LIVE ON THE STREETS.

- THAT WAS VERY APPARENT,AS IT TURNS OUT, JOSEPH.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

- Y-YOU KNOW THAT MY MAMA'SON DRUGS, AND MY DADDY IN JAIL.

- IT'S NOT--NOT REALLY RELEVANT.

- BORN IN A COFFEE CANUNDER A BRIDGE.

- THAT'S TERRIBLE, JOSEPH.

THAT'S--THAT'S AWFUL,BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO--

- MY SISTER SHOT MY BROTHERWHILE MY COUSIN BEAT MY UNCLE.

- NOW IT'S A LIE.- IT'S A LITTLE BIT MUCH.

JOSEPH, THANK YOUVERY MUCH, BUT--

- PUT MYSELF THROUGH SCHOOL

BY RENTING MY BODY OUTAS A HEROIN SUITCASE.

- OH, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.- WOW.

- JOSEPH, PLEASE, WE--WE DO HAVEOTHER DANCERS HERE TODAY,

WHO ARE WAITING THEIR TURNVERY POLITELY.

NO, JOSEPH,LET HER COME ONSTAGE.

- OH! OH!- LET HER COME--NO, JOSEPH.

- IF I WIN THIS COMPETITION, ICOULD PUT A ROOF OVER MY HOUSE.

'CAUSE I GOT A HOUSE AIN'TGOT NO ROOF. FOR REAL, THOUGH.

- JOSEPH...

- JUST ONE LITTLE THING,THOUGH.

- DON'T DO IT, JOSEPH.

- IT WAS A LOUD BRIDGE.- DON'T FINISH THAT SEN--

- I GOT HEARING DAMAGEIN THIS EAR.

- JOSEPH!- AND ALSO IN THIS EAR.

- JOSEPH!

- THE BRIDGE HAD--HAD TRUCKS GO OVER IT.

- JOSEPH.- 'CAUSE THE BRIDGE--

- KEEP IT.- 15-TON--

- HOLD IT.

PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH.AND GET OFF MY STAGE.

- RA--RATED SIX.

- JOE...- THAT'S A BIG TRUCK.

- SEPH.OKAY, JOSEPH, PLEASE.

AND WHO IS THIS?

- OH, WHO IS THISRIGHT HERE?

THIS IS MY 12-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER,WHO I RAISED ALL BY MYSELF

WITHOUT THE HELP OF ANYBODY ELSEIN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

SHE IS MY INSPIRATION.

- JOSEPH,IT DOESN'T MATTER.

THERE'S NOTHINGYOU CAN DO OR SAY

THAT'S GOING TO MAKE USCHANGE OUR MINDS TODAY.

- THAT RIGHT THERE, THAT RIGHTTHERE, THAT'S HER DAUGHTER.

SHE BLIND.

SO I RAISED THEM BOTH BY MYSELFWITHOUT NOBODY ELSE'S HELP.

- COME GETYOUR TICKET TO VEGAS.

- WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

- VEGAS!- CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

I'M GETTING GOOSIES OVER HERE.I'M GETTING GOOSIES. I-I AM.

- WHAT A MIND-BLOWING FINISHTO AN INCREDIBLE GAME TONIGHT,

WITH CHARLIE SANDERSWINNING THE GAME

IN LITERALLYTHE LAST SECOND.

UNBELIEVABLE,TRULY SPECTACULAR.

CHARLIE SANDERS,HOW DOES IT FEEL?

- HEY, YO, I WANNA SAY SOMETHIN'TO EVERYBODY WATCHIN'.

YO, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE!

THE WORLD IS YOURS!

- AND CHARLIE,DID YOU THINK THAT THAT GAME

WAS GONNA ENDTHAT WAY TONIGHT?

- YO, THERE ARE NO LIMITS,ALL RIGHT?

YOU CAN SWIMACROSS THE ATLANTIC.

YOU CAN JUMP REAL HIGHAND TOUCH THE MOON!

- FANTASTIC. CHARLIE SANDERS,FRESH OFF OF HIS, UH, VICTORY.

I JUST FEEL LIKE HE'S READYTO TOUCH THE MOON.

- I CAN FLY!ANYBODY CAN FLY!

IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

THE WAY I BELIEVEIN MYSELF TONIGHT,

YOU WILL FLY!

- AND WHAT'S NEXT FOR CHARLIESANDERS AND THE ORANGE--

- KIDS,YOU CAN ACTUALLY FLY!

- NO--NO, NOT--OH, NOT LITERALLY, OF COURSE.

- YES! LITERALLY! KIDS!

YOUNG KIDS, I WANT YOU TO GOUP ON YOUR ROOFS RIGHT NOW!

- WAIT, WHAT?- FLY INTO THE NIGHT SKY!

- OKAY.- PEOPLE WILL SEE YOU FLYING!

AND THEN YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

- OKAY, WELL, WE--WE--WE--WE JUST WANT TO REMIND THE KIDS

THAT OF COURSE,YOU CANNOT ACTUALLY FLY, KIDS.

- YO, SCREW THATNEGATIVITY, MAN!

HEY, BOYS AND GIRLS,AGES 8 THROUGH 12!

YO, DON'T LET NOBODY EVER TELLYOU WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT DO!

ALL THE PRETEEN CHILDRENOUT THERE, LISTEN TO MY VOICE!

YOU ARE IMMORTAL!

- OKAY, WELL, OBVIOUSLY,WE UNDERSTAND THAT CHARLIE...

- [groaning, shouting]- IS SUPER EXCITED RIGHT NOW,

AND THAT NO ONE IS ACTUALLYIMMORTAL, NOBODY AT ALL.

- HEY, KIDS!

YOU CAN TURN YOURSELFINTO A CAR

AND HAVE A FRIENDDRIVE YOU ONTO THE FREEWAY!

- OKAY, NO--WELL, THAT'SJUST A METAPHOR, KIDS.

- IT'S NOT!- JUST A METAPHOR--

- YOU STILL HAVE THE POWEROF CHILDISH INNOCENCE!

GET A FRIEND ON YOUR BACK,

AND MAKE A BEELINE FOR THE NEXTRAMP TO THE FREEWAY, Y'ALL!

- OKAY, DON'T DO ANY--- TO THE FREEWAY!

- HE'S SPEAKINGFIGURATIVELY, FOLKS.

- ONCE YOU GET THERE, AIN'TNOTHING FIGURATIVE ABOUT THIS!

YOU WILL TURN INTO A ROBOT!

FIRST AND FOREMOST,I JUST WANT TO SAY

TO ALL THE FAMILIESWHO LOST CHILDREN, I'M SORRY.

MY STATEMENTSWERE IRRESPONSIBLE.

I HAVE SUBSEQUENTLYLOOKED UP

THE TERMS "LITERALLY"AND "METAPHORICALLY,"

AND FOUND THAT WHEREASI WAS NOT INCORRECT,

THEY DID NOT MEANWHAT I THOUGHT THEY MEANT.