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Beer Heist

To impress a bunch of college girls, the guys find themselves embarking on a daring heist to steal beer for a dorm party. (21:13)

WE GOT A TRIO OF TIGHT-THICKSAT 11:00.

- OH, MY GOD.OH, MY GOD, ADAM.

- OKAY, THEY'RE WAVING US OVER.I'M GONNA GET IN THERE,

PICK-UP ARTIST STYLE, ANDSTART DROPPING SOME HEAVY NEGS.

- GREAT IDEA, GREAT IDEA.- OKAY, YEAH, YEAH.

ADAM, ADAM, WHY ARE YOU--WHY ARE YOU WALKING LIKE THAT?

- 'CAUSE I'M WALKING LIKEI HAVE A GIGANTIC ONE,

AND YOU GUYS SHOULD, TOO.HEY.

- HEY, WHAT'S UP, PIGS?

- UM, HI.WILL YOU GUYS GET US SOME BEER?

- WHY, ARE YOU TOO STUPIDTO BUY IT YOURSELVES?

- OH!OH-HO-HO-HO!

YOU GUYS LOOK DUMB.

- NO, WE'RE 19.

- OKAY, THAT'S UNDERAGE, OKAY.- WHAT?

- I'VE GOT A BIG DICK.IT'S HUGE.

[roars] DOWN THERE.IT'S SCARY.

THAT'S WHY I WAS WALKINGFUNNY EARLIER,

IT'S BECAUSE IT HURTSTO WALK.

MY THIGHS JUST SMASH IT,

AND IT'S VERY PAINFUL.- YUP.

- OKAY, UM--[chuckles]

THERE'S A HUGE PARTY ATOUR DORM.

- YEAH, I KNOW.I HEARD ABOUT THAT.

- YEAH?- I DID.

- YEAH.- SURPRISED US, RIGHT?

- AH, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BRINGALL THE BEER,

SO IF WE GIVE YOU SOME MONEY,WILL YOU BUY IT FOR US?

- OH, LITTLE LADIES,THAT WOULD BE OUR PLEASURE.

AND TRUST ME,I'M BIG ON PLEASURE.

PROBABLY TOO BIGFOR YOUR LITTLE [bleep].

[laughter]

[bleep] MIDGETS.[laughter]

- DERS, HOW ABOUT YOU GIVE

THIS DUMP TRUCK OF A GIRLHER MONEY BACK.

- OKAY. SORRY.- UH, I DON'T GET IT.

- YOU WOULDN'T,NOT WITH YOUR TINY BRAIN.

WHY BUY ALL THE BEER,WHEN WE CAN STEAL ALL THE BEER?

[all gasping]- THAT WOULD BE EPIC.

- IT WOULD BE, RIGHT?- THAT'S WHY HE SAID IT, STUPID.

OKAY, WE'VE GOT TO TALK.WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- SEE YOU GUYS IN A FEW.- MAYBE EASE UP A LITTLE BIT.

- OH, MY GOD.- OH. [gasping]

[phone rings]- YO.

- YO, WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE?

GUYS, LIKE, THESE CHICKSARE TRYING TO BAIL.

- DON'T LET THEM GO,

'CAUSE WE'RE INA FRICKIN' BREWERY RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE GONNA FIND THE MOTHER LODE

AND THEN IT'S GONNA BE ASTRAIGHT UP DORM DAY SITUATION,

LIKE THAT PORNO SITE WHERE,LIKE, THE PORNO GIRLS

COME AND DO, LIKE, THE DORMAND THEN ALL--

[indistinct radio chatter]- OH, SHH, HIDE!

SHH.- GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO.

- OKAY.

HEY, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO,CHECK IT.

[chuckling]

I GUESS MY DUDES ARE ABOUT

TO ROLL OUT HEREWITH INFINITY BEERS.

- WELL, THEY'D BETTER HURRY,

'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT 20 MINUTES.

- AND YOU'VE GOT ORANGE HAIR.

- YEAH.- FIRE SNATCH!

WHAT ARE WE DOING, MAN?- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?WE'RE STEALING BEER.

WE'RE GONNA MAKE THOSE CHICKSHORNY BY DOING, LIKE,

SOME DANGEROUSLORENZO LAMAS-TYPE STUFF, RIGHT?

- COME ON, DUDE, STEALING BEER?

THAT'S NOT GONNAMAKE CHICKS HORNY, DUDE.

- YEAH, BUT WHAT DO YOU KNOWABOUT BEING HORNY, HMM?

YOU'RE LIKE THE LEAST HORNIESTDUDE IN OUR WHOLE DUDE CREW.

- [laughs]ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I AM NOT THE LEAST HORN--WHAT ABOUT DERS?

- DERS IS A WHOLE BALLOF HORNS.

AND, ME, IT'S LIKE--

IT'S SAD WHAT I'LL GO THROUGHTO GET SOME.

LIKE, MY DICK, JUST WHENI EJACULATE,

I JUST EJACULATE TEARS, BECAUSETHAT'S HOW SAD IT MAKES ME.

- YOUR DICK IS CRYING?- MY DICK CRIES.

AND YOUR DICK DOESN'TDO ANYTHING.

- OKAY.- YOUR DICK JUST LAYS

TO ONE SIDE, ALL--ALL JUST APATHETIC.

- UH, NO.

OKAY, WELL, THAT IS NOT TRUE.

- WHAT IS THE HORNIEST,MOST PERVERTED THING

THAT YOU WOULD DO FOR THEORANGE-HAIRED GIRL OUT THERE?

- WELL, I'M ALREADY--[sniffs] MM...

I'M ALREADY SMELLING HER HAIR.I'M...

OKAY, I DON'T KNOW, EXACTLY.

I'D PROBABLY--I'D TAKE HER TO FRANCE,

AND WE'D, UH--WE WOULD RIDE BICYCLES,

AND AFTERWARDS MAYBEI'D STEAL A SMOOCH OR TWO.

I'D GIVE HER A KISS, MAN.[chuckles]

- YOU ARE A SAD SACK OF [bleep].

- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

WHAT, I'LL FIST HEROR SOMETHING, MAN?

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!JUST SAY I WANT TO, LIKE,

STICK MY WHOLE ARM UP THERE.- OH, COME--OH, COME ON.

WELL WHAT IF I TIE ALL THREEOF THEM UP AND START SLAPPING

'EM AROUND AND FRICKIN'BURN THEM WITH A--

- WELL, DON'T BE A PSYCHOPATH.YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

- I JUST--- HAVE NORMAL SEX WITH THEM.

- THEN I'M GONNA [bleep] HER,PROBABLY.

- OH, YOU--PROBABLY.WHY'D YOU THROW

THE "PROBABLY" IN THERE?THAT DOESN'T EVEN SEEM LIKE A--

- BECAUSE I DON'T KNOWIF SHE'S GONNA LET ME.

I'M NOT GONNA, YOU KNOW--- OKAY.

- COME ON, MAN.- JUST HELP ME STEAL SOME BEER.

- ALL RIGHT, FINE.LET'S STEAL THE BEER, ALL RIGHT?

- YO, PSST, COME ON!

- HE'S HAND SIGNALING.- HEY, MY MAN, MY MAN.

WHAT--WHAT THAT BE?WHAT IS THAT?

- HE'S--HE'S HAND SIGNAL--HIDE, HIDE, HIDE!

- WHAT UP, MAN?

STAY UP.

- SHOOT!- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO!

- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

- I'M PRETTY SURETHAT PLAN SUCKED.

- YOU'RE PRETTY SURE?WELL, I'M PRETTY SURE...

- YEAH.- YOU SUCK, OKAY?

BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE GENIUSES.

THEY'RE PROBABLY DEVISING A PLAN

TO STEAL THE BEER FROMTHE INSIDE OF THE TRUCK.

BUT SINCE IT SEEMS LIKEIT'S DRIVING AWAY--

SO WE SHOULD FOLLOW IT,ALL RIGHT?

LET'S NOT BE STUPID AND SHOW UPTO A DORM PARTY WITHOUT BEER.

COME WITH ME.WE'LL GET THE BEER.

WE'VE GOT TO GET THE BEER.COME ON, LET'S GO!

THANK YOU.HERE WE GO.

MOVE THOSE BIG ASSES.

- HERE, TAKE IT.

TAKE IT.- HERE WE GO!

HERE WE GO.- GAME ON, GAME ON.

- GAME TIME.[grunting]

- HIT IT, BEEZER!

[imitates bird, cat, dog]

- COOL.

- I FORGET WHICH ANIMALWE SETTLED ON, BUT, HE'S GOT IT.

- OH, MY GOD,WE'RE STEALING THAT MUCH BEER?

- OH, YEAH.WE'RE FLOWING, BRO.

WE'RE FLOWING!

- YEAH, THERE WE GO.- YO, GOT MUGS.

STOLE THEM FROMTHE SALVATION ARMY.

DIDN'T EVEN PAY FOR THEM.- OH.

- MA'AM, THIS ONE IS FOR YOU.AND THIS ONE FITS YOU.

- SO, LIKE, I GUESSWE HOOKED YOU GUYS UP,

AND YOU WON'T BE GOING ANYWHERE.HOLLER IF YOU HEAR ME.

- UH, NOT REALLY.

THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVERTO FILL UP,

AND WE'RE ALREADY MISSINGTHE PARTY.

- MM, YEAH, OKAY.

HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT UPAND DON'T LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW?

- DAMN.- WHY WOULD YOU MISS A PARTY?

- WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BRING ALLTHE BEER.

- DERS.[clicks tongue]

YO, WATCH THEM LIKE A HAWK,

OR LIKE AN EAGLE, WHATEVER HASTHE BEST EYES.

- YEAH.- I'M GONNA TELL BLAKE TO TURN

THIS BITCH UP FULL SPEEDAND WE'RE GONNA

BE HAVING AN ORGY WITHINAN HOUR.

- YES!YEAH.

DUDE, IF I COULD HUG YOU,I WOULD.

- ANDERS, SAVE IT FOR THE ORGY.

- YO, BLAKE!

WE'VE GOT TO TURN THIS BITCH UPTO "PARTY," MAN.

IT'S NOT COMING OUTQUICK ENOUGH.

- WHOA, HEY, WHOA,HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

DON'T MESS WITH THAT, MAN.COME ON, HEY.

HEY, PLUMBING IS A SCIENCE.- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- DON'T MESS WITH IT.

- YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSEIS A SCIENCE?

REVERSE COWGIRL, MAN, ANDTHAT'S NOT EVEN SOMETHING THAT

YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND BECAUSEYOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX FOR, LIKE,

I DON'T KNOW, HOW MANY MONTHS?HOW MANY MONTHS?

SHOULD I STOP--- STOP.

OKAY, LOOK, MAN,I'M JUST ASKING YOU,

AS A FRIEND, DON'T MESSWITH MY FLOW, BRO.

- WELL, IT'S NOT ABOUTTHE FRIENDSHIP, BLAKE,

BECAUSE AS THE OLD SAYING GOES,

"IT'S HOS BEFORE BROS."

- WELL, I THINK--NO, ARE YOU DRUNK, MAN,

OFF YOUR OWN [bleep]?

YOU'VE GONE [bleep] DUMB!

IS SEMEN BACKING UP

AND CLOGGING YOUR BRAIN?- YO, GIVE ME A--

- COME ON, YOU'RE TOO HORNY,ADAM, KNOCK IT OFF!

- I'M THE PERFECT AMOUNTOF HORNY--OH!

- OH, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE GONEAND DONE NOW, ADAM.

- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S PARTIALLYYOUR--IF YOU WOULD'VE JUST

DONE IT FROM THE BEGINNING, THENTHIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED.

- YOU AND YOUR SEMEN-FILLEDBRAIN, YOU [bleep].

YOU SPRUNG A LEAK, MAN.

WE'RE HEMORRHAGING BEER.- PLUG 'ER UP!

- WE'VE GOT A ROBBERYIN PROGRESS, MAIN BREW HOUSE.

- OH, NO.OH, NO--

- OH, NO, KARL,ARE YOU OKAY, BABY?

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I'M FINE.

IT'S JUST MY GUTS.THEY'RE ROTTING.

- "BABY"?IT WAS--WAIT, EVERYONE'S

CALLING HIM "BABY," NOW?WHAT'S MY PET NAME?

- "BEER BITCH."

- BEER BITCH?I DON'T GET IT.

- GRAB ME ANOTHER BEER, BITCH.

- OKAY, GOT IT. [chuckles]NOW I GET IT.

IT'S DROPPING A LEVEL, I THINKI'M GONNA BUTT BARF, YOU GUYS.

[farts]- WE'RE ALMOST THERE!

- IT'S HAPPENING.

IT'S SO HOT.IT'S IMPOSSIBLY HOT.

- WAIT, WE CAN'T LEAVEA DUDE BEHIND!

- OH!- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

DO YOU SMELL WHAT HIS BUTTIS COOKING?

IT STINKS.- UP HERE!

- [groans]FLY, YOU DUDES.

[farts]FLY!

- OH, I SMELL IT ALL THE WAYTO HERE.

- [gagging]- WHOO!

- OH, SNAP.- OKAY, CAREFUL, CAREFUL.

- OH, WHOA, WHOA.

I LOVE YOU, GUYS!

I LOVE KISSING THOSE CHICKS,AND I LOVE D.Q. BLIZZARDS.

- STOP IT.- LET'S GO TO D.Q.

- UH, I THINK WE SHOULD PROBABLYBACK UP.

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GONNA FALLON US.

- I'M GONNA KISS YOU ON THE NAPEOF YOUR NECK, GIRL.

- YEAH, YEAH.- THAT'S RIGHT HERE.

IT'S THE SENSUAL PART.- YEAH.

- A LITTLE LATE, GUYS.

OUR CAR IS BASICALLY HERE.

- OKAY, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, WE'VEGOT TO GET DOWN THERE RIGHT NOW.

- THEN WE'VE GOT TO JUMP INTHE BEER.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAYWE'RE GONNA SURVIVE.

- ADAM, WE JUMP IN THE BEER,WE RUIN THE BEER, NO CHICKS.

- OH, YEAH.

- THEN WE'VE GOT TO JUMP INTHE STREET.

- ARE YOU KIDDING, BLAKE?IT'S TOO HIGH.

- AND I'M JUST TOO HORNY.

I'M TOO HORNY!- YEAH!

- OH, MY GOD![all screaming]

- OH!I BROKE A BONE,

BUT I GREW A BONER.WHO'S NEXT?

- [panting]

HORNY!

[all screaming]- OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD.- OH, MY GOD.

- WHAT IS GOING ON?- GOT A BAD BREAK.

- SO, WE'RE DOING THIS, HUH?

RIGHT ON.

I DO IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE!

[all screaming]- [screams]

[all shouting]

- WE DID IT, GIRLS.WE GOT YOU BEER.

- SO MUCH.SO MUCH BEER.

- WE COULD'VE JUMPED INTO IT,BUT WE DIDN'T, YOU KNOW?

SO LET'S GO GET SOME ICEAND PARTY.

- THAT IS SO CRAZY.- YEAH.

- IT WAS, LIKE, STEVE-O HOT.[giggling]

- I'VE BEEN TOLDI LOOK LIKE PARTY BOY.

- YOU DO, DUDE. [chuckling]- GERONIMO!

- DON'T! DON'T DO IT!- NO, DON'T JUMP!

- NO!- DON'T DO IT!

[all shouting]

NO, NO, OH, NO!

- EW, WHA--- I'M ALL GOOD.

- THAT IS SO GROSS.KARL, YOU RUINED EVERYTHING.

- YEAH, THERE'S POOP INHIS DIAPER.

- YEAH, I POOPED.

ALL MY POOP CAME OUT OFMY DIAPER.

- UGH, LET'S GO.- EW.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, WAIT, WAIT.I'M SO HORNY NOW.

YOUR BUTT, YOUR BOOBS,

YOUR MOUTH,IT MAKES ME SO HORNY.

- YEAH.I'M SORRY I WAS BEING MEAN.

YOU'RE OBVIOUSLYTHREE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.

I WAS JUST NEGGING YOU,YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE PROBABLY TOO STUPIDTO REALIZE IT.

SEE, THAT WAS ANOTHER NEG.- YEAH.

- YEAH, LIKE THE GAME IS FROM,LIKE, 10 YEARS AGO.

THAT CRAP DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE.

- NO, IT WORKS.- IT WORKS.

- WE WANTED TO PARTY WITHYOU GUYS,

BUT NOW WE'RE MISSINGOUR OWN PARTY

AND WE STILL DON'T HAVEANY BEER.

- WE CAN GO BUY YOU SOME.- YEAH.

- [laughs]TOO LATE.

all: NO, NO, NO, WAIT!

[all groaning, wincing]- OH, COME ON!

- OH, PLEASE![all shouting]

- GOOD EVENING.I HAVE A PICKUP FOR HALEY.

- YEAH, THAT'S ME.

- PLEASE!- I SWEAR TO GOD,

I WILL THROW MY DICK AT YOU.[all groaning]

- HEY, GUYS!

COME ON IN.THE BEER FEELS FINE.

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