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A-Park-A-Lypse

When Mt. Brickleberry reveals itself as a volcano, Denzel becomes convinced that the apocalypse has begun, and Woody tries to find shelter from the impending eruption. (21:09)

- THIS IS MY BEAUTIFUL BABY.HIS NAME IS DONNIE.

- AWW!- WHAT A PRETTY NAME!

- THANKS.I GOT IT OUT OF A BOOK.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TOGO THROUGH THE OTHER BOOK.

- "BACARDI, LISTERINE,ARUGULA."

- OH, THERE'S MY SHOPPING LIST.[laughs]

NOW CONNIE,I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS,

BUT FEDERAL GUIDELINES DICTATE

THAT I DON'T HAVETO LET YOU BREASTFEED AT WORK

UNLESS YOU GOT A REAL SWEET SETOF MILKIES.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BOOBS?

- BESIDES THE FACT THAT YOU ALSOHAVE A BACK SET?

- AHH! ANTICHRIST!ANTICHRIST!

- THIS IS GOING TOO FAR,DENZEL!

- THAT BABY'S EVIL.I'LL PROVE IT!

- HOW?- THROUGH SCIENCE.

[cocks gun]

IF I SHOOT IT IN THE FACEAND IT LIVES, IT'S THE DEVIL.

- OKAY! OKAY!

SHOOT ITIF IT WILL SHUT YOU UP.

- NO!

I THOUGHT YOU WEREMY FRIEND, DENZEL!

HOW COULD YOU SAY THOSEHORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT MY BABY?

[crying]

- IT'S JUST A BABY, DENZEL.

- THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.YOU REALLY UPSET CONNIE.

- NEXT TIME DON'T HESITATE.AIM FOR THE FONTANELLE.

- ALL RIGHT! ENOUGH WITHTHE BLACK BABY NAMES.

I GUESS I SHOULD APOLOGIZETO CONNIE AND DONNIE.

- LEAVE THE GUN!- FINE!

CONNIE, I'M SORRY...

- [snoring]

- UH, DONNIE, I'M NOT GOODAT THIS APOLOGY STUFF, BUT...

I'M SORRY I SAIDYOU WERE THE ANTICHRIST.

MAYBE WHEN YOU GROW UPA LITTLE, YOU AND I CAN--

- [demonic voice]APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

- OH, THANKS, DONNIE.YOU'RE PRETTY COOL.

WAIT, YOU CAN TALK?

- DENZEL, I'M GOINGTO RIP OUT YOUR DICK

AND FEED ITTO THE DEMONS OF HELL!

[growling]

- [screaming]

- THIS IS IT?

YOU FOUR THINKYOU CAN STOP ME?

- DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

HE'LL USE HIS LIES TO TRYTO MAKE US TURN ON EACH OTHER.

- THE PREACHER SAIDYOU'RE A PUSSY.

- WHAT?

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?- LIKE THAT.

THAT'S A GOOD EXAMPLEOF WHAT WE SHOULDN'T LET HIM DO.

- [laughing]

- OH, LAUGH NOW, ANTICHRIST.BECAUSE SURPRISE!

WE'VE ASSEMBLEDAN EXORCISM DREAM TEAM!

FATHER QUINN!

- I'M GOING TO NEED TO BE ALONEWITH THE CHILD.

YOU DON'T HAVEA NANNY CAM, RIGHT?

- RABBI MALTZMAN!- NO, NO.

YOU STAY IN THERE, DEMON.AS LONG AS YOU'RE COMFORTABLE.

I SCHLEPPED ALL THE WAY HEREFROM BROOKLYN.

BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

- AND WITCH DOCTOR KUZNIAK!

- LUCKY FOR US, I WENTTO MEDICAL SCHOOL IN HAITI.

- AND JORGE,WHO'S SEEN THE EXORCIST

7 1/2 TIMESAND LET US USE HIS CAR.

- I'M NOT WITH THEM!I'M ON YOUR SIDE!

- JORGE, SHUT UP.

- COME ON,LET ME SELL YOU MY SOUL.

I'LL SIGN WHATEVER CONTRACTBEN AFFLECK SIGNED.

WHATEVER!

- [sighs]I WAS UP FOR A CHALLENGE.

THIS IS GOING TO BEFAR TOO EASY.

- THE POWER OF CHRISTCOMPELS YOU!

THE POWER OF CHRISTCOMPELS YOU!

- SHUT UP.

[all exclaim]

SO WHO WANTS TO CHOOSEHOW I WILL KILL THE REST OF YOU?

- BLOWJOBBED TO DEATH?

- YOU GOT IT.BY RABID HELL HOUNDS.

AND HERE WE--

[crying]

- I'M GOING TO WRITE KATE UPTONA NOT-SO-NICE YELP REVIEW.

ETHEL, WHAT THE HELL'SGOING ON HERE?

- WE'RE DOING AN EXORCISMON YOUR CRAZY-ASS DEVIL BABY!

- AND WE ALMOST GOT BLOWJOBS,UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP!

- CONNIE, WE'VE GOTTO TRUST THE LORD.

JUST LIKE IT SAYIN THE BIBLE:

"IF THE EXORCISMDON'T GO SO BUENO,

THROW THAT GODDAMN BABYIN A VOLCANO." HA!

- WHAT? NO!

- SORRY, CONNIE,

BUT IT'S THE ONLY WAYTO STOP THE APOCALYPSE.

- YOU'RE LUCKYWE GOT A VOLCANO RIGHT HERE.

MOST PEOPLE WITH DEVIL BABIESGOTTA PAY

FOR A PLANE TICKET TO HAWAII.

- SCREW YOU GUYS!COME ON, DONNIE.

I'LL PROTECT YOU,I PROMISE!

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