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Taxi Service/Hot Dog Stand

Nathan comes up with a way to get a failing taxi company some much-needed press and implements a risky new line-cutting policy at a hot dog stand. (20:59)

AND HE BLAMES ALL HIS TROUBLESON ONE THING.

- TRENDY RIDE-SHARING PROGRAMS,LIKE UBER,

HAVE BEENGRABBING HEADLINES LATELY

AND CAUSED TAXI COMPANIESLIKE ANDY'S TO TAKE A BIG HIT.

- I WANT TO BE HONESTWITH YOU.

I'M VERY BROKE.YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

VERY BROKE.

- SO I PAID HIM A VISITWITH A GUARANTEED WAY

TO GET HIS COMPANYBACK IN THE SPOTLIGHT.

THE RIDE-SHARE PROGRAMS,YOU KNOW,

ARE SCREWING YOU, RIGHT?- RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, THEY TOOK LOTS OFTHE CUSTOMERS FROM CAB BUSINESS.

- AND YOU NEED TO GET THEATTENTION THAT THEY'RE GETTING.

AND THE WAY TO DO THAT

IS TO GIVE FREE RIDESTO PREGNANT WOMEN.

- HOW THIS CONNECTEDTO THE, YOU KNOW,

SUCCESS IN THE CAB BUSINESS?

- EVERY TIME A BABY IS BORNIN A TAXICAB

IT BECOMESA HUGE NEWS STORY.

SO IF ANDY DIDA SPECIAL PROMOTION

WHERE HE OFFERED FREE RIDESTO WOMEN WHO WERE PREGNANT,

IT WOULD ONLY BEA MATTER OF TIME

UNTIL THE MIRACLE OF LIFEHAPPENED IN AN O.C. TAXICAB.

THE PLAN--INCREASE THE ODDSOF A BACKSEAT BIRTH

WITH FREE RIDESFOR THE PREGNANT.

- I NEVER HAD THE--I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THIS.

- YOU JUST DO ITTILL YOU GET ONE.

THEN YOU'LL GETALL THIS PRESS.

- YEAH,THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

- I-I SHOULD ASK.YOUR CABS ARE CLEAN, RIGHT?

- YEAH, SURE.

LIKE A LINEDOWN THE BLOCK.

AND FOR L.A.'S PINK'S HOT DOGS,

THEY'VE GOT THATDOWN PAT.

BUT EVEN THOUGHTHINGS ARE GOING WELL,

OWNERS,GLORIA AND RICHARD PINK,

ARE ALWAYS LOOKINGTO STEP THINGS UP.

- ANY BUSINESS THAT ISN'TIMPROVING IS FALLING BEHIND.

- YEAH, WE'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FORWAYS TO IMPROVE THE BUSINESS.

- THE PINKS WERE CLEARLY CRAZYABOUT THEIR BRAND.

BUT WHEN I WENT UNDERCOVERTO SCOPE THINGS OUT,

I DISCOVEREDA GLARING PROBLEM

THAT WAS KEEPING THEMFROM MAKING EVEN MORE MONEY.

SO I PAID THE COUPLEA VISIT

WITH A WAY TO ATTRACTA NEW TYPE OF CUSTOMER.

I WOREA PINK SHIRT TODAY

BECAUSE YOUR NAMEIS PINK'S.

- RIGHT. OKAY.

- RIGHT NOW,THE HUGE LINE AT PINK'S

IS TURNING OFFA SLEW OF CUSTOMERS

THAT DON'T HAVE TIMETO WAIT.

BUT RICHARD AND GLORIAWOULD EASILY BE ABLE

TO CAPTURE THOSE SALESWITH A SIMPLE RULE CHANGE--

LINE CUTTING ALLOWEDIF YOU'RE IN A HURRY.

- I HATE TO, LIKE,PREJUDGE IT,

BUT CUSTOMERS THAT SAW

THAT SOMEONE ELSEGOT AN ADVANTAGE

WOULD PROBABLY BE UPSET.

- I WANT YOU GUYS TO KNOWTHAT I'M DETERMINED

TO PROTECT YOUR BRANDAT ALL COSTS.

- ALL RIGHT, SO LET'S SEEHOW YOU DO THAT.

- OKAY.- OKAY.

- THE PINKS AGREED TO LET MEPROVE MY IDEA TO THEM

DURING THE FRIDAYLUNCH RUSH.

SO THE NEXT DAY I PLACED A SIGNNEAR THE STREET

ADVERTISING THE NEW RULE.

TO AVOID CHAOS BY EVERYONESAYING THEY WERE IN A RUSH,

I CAME UP WITH A LISTOF FIVE ACCEPTABLE REASONS

FOR CUTTINGTO THE FRONT OF THE LINE...

OR IF YOU'RE AN AIR TRAFFICCONTROLLER THAT'S LATE FOR WORK.

THE NEW POLICY SEEMED TO BEATTRACTING CUSTOMERS

WHO WERE DRIVING BY

EVEN THOUGH MOST OF THEMDIDN'T QUALIFY FOR LINE CUTTING.

- UH, NO.

- BUT YOU'RE NOTAN AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER.

BUT THERE WERE SEVERAL PEOPLEWITH LEGITIMATE PLACES TO BE.

YOU HAVEA DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT TODAY?

- YES.- AND WHO'S YOUR DOCTOR?

- DR. PIA.- DR. PIA?

- DR. PIA'S OFFICE.

- HI, I'M CALLING TO CONFIRMAN APPOINTMENT FOR...

- JASON.- JASON...

- WOLF.- WOLF.

- YEAH, WE HAVE JASONCOMING IN AT 5:30.

- GREAT.OKAY, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

AND ONCE I WAS ABLE TO CONFIRMTHEIR REASON...

HE HAS TO CUT IN LINE.HE HAS A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.

IS THAT OKAY?- YEAH, THAT'S OKAY.

- OKAY.

CUSTOMERS COULD CUTTO THE FRONT OF THE LINE

WITHOUT ANYONE GETTING ANGRY.

AS THE DAY WENT ON, THE SYSTEMSEEMED TO BE WORKING GREAT.

YOU ARE GOING TO A FUNERAL.- YEAH.

- REALLY?- UH-HUH.

- WHO'S THE FUNERAL FOR?- CONNIE MENDEL.

A FRIEND OF MINE.- OH, I'M SO SORRY

FOR YOUR LOSS.- IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

- BUT AS THE LUNCH RUSHWAS WINDING DOWN,

I SAW SOMETHINGTHAT DISTURBED ME.

ONE CUSTOMER THAT I MET EARLIERSAID HE WAS IN A HURRY.

- I HAVE A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.I FORGOT.

- YOU HAVEA DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT TODAY?

- YES. MM-HMM.- YOU REALLY DO?

- MM-HMM.- BUT WHEN I TRIED

TO CONFIRM IT, HE COULDN'TGIVE ME ANY INFORMATION.

WHAT'S YOUR DOCTOR'S NUMBER OR--- I DON'T HAVE HIS NUMBER.

I JUST--I DON'T HAVE IT WITH ME.

I JUST HAVE TO GOAT 3:00.

- GIVING HIMTHE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT,

I ALLOWED HIMTO CUT TO THE FRONT.

BUT NOW,45 MINUTES LATER,

HE WAS STILL SITTING THERETAKING HIS TIME.

AND I BEGAN TO SUSPECT

THAT HE DIDN'T HAVEA DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT AT ALL.

SO I TOLD ONE OF MY CAMERAMENTO SECRETLY FOLLOW HIM

TO HIS CAR,AND ONCE HE DROVE OFF,

I FOLLOWEDIN CLOSE PURSUIT

TO SEE IF HE WASTELLING THE TRUTH.

A BIT LATE FOR THE DOCTORBY NOW, AREN'T WE?

HUH.

AFTER 30 MINUTESOF TAILING HIM,

HE LED USSTRAIGHT INTO A LIE.

HE WASN'TGOING TO THE DOCTOR.

HE WASSEEING A MOVIE INSTEAD,

AN EXCUSETHAT WASN'T ON MY LIST.

IT WASAN UNBELIEVABLE SLAP IN THE FACE

TO THE PINK'S NAME.

SO THAT EVENING,I RETURNED TO THE RESTAURANT

TO SEE HOW GLORIAWANTED TO HANDLE THIS.

- SO HE--HE CUT IN LINE,

GOT HIS FOOD,AND THEN LATER?

- HE WENT TO SEE A MOVIE.- AH.

- YOU KNOW, I THINK IF YOUDON'T DO SOMETHING TO RESPOND,

IT COULD MAKE YOU, AS A BRAND,LOOK WEAK.

- WELL...

- SO WITH YOUR PERMISSION, I'DLIKE TO TAKE THIS GUY ON A BOAT,

AND THEN ONCEHE'S TRAPPED AT SEA,

TEACH HIM A LESSONHE'LL NEVER FORGET.

- WHOA. WHOA.

THAT'S PRETTY HARSH.

- AFTER MY CONVERSATIONWITH GLORIA,

RICHARD ESCORTED ME OUTAND SAID

THAT HE NO LONGER WANTED MY HELPAT PINK'S.

BUT WHEN I MAKE A PROMISETO A BUSINESS...

I'M DETERMINED TO PROTECTYOUR BRAND AT ALL COSTS.

I ALWAYS KEEP IT.

AND THAT MEANT I HADTO SHOW THIS GUY ON MY OWN

WHAT HAPPENSWHEN YOU MESS WITH PINK'S.

SO USING THE NUMBERFROM HIS APPEARANCE RELEASE,

I TOLD JONATHAN I WAS CALLINGFROM THE PINK'S HEAD OFFICE

WITH SOME EXCITING NEWS.

YOU, MY FRIEND,

ARE THE 10 MILLIONTHPINK'S CUSTOMER.

- I AM SERIOUS.

- YOU HAVE WONA LOBSTER LUNCH FOR ONE

AT SEA.

- AT SEA.

- CONGRATULATIONS.

JONATHAN BOUGHT ITHOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.

SO I DOCKED A BOATIN THE SAN PEDRO HARBOR

AND THEN SENT A LIMOWITH TWO HIRED MODELS

TO KEEP THE RUSE GOINGON THE WAY TO THE SEA.

- I'M SO EXCITED TO BE

THE 10TH MILLIONTH CUSTOMEROF PINK'S.

I LOVE THEIR HOT DOGS.

I'M SO EXCITEDTO REPRESENT THEM.

- ONCE JONATHAN ARRIVED, I HADHIM RIGHT WHERE I NEEDED HIM,

AND HE WAS ABOUT TO LEARNTHAT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF PINK'S

DOES NOT GO UNPUNISHED.

SHORTLY AFTER,WE HEADED OUT TO SEA,

AND JONATHANHAD NO IDEA

THAT HIS LIFEWAS ABOUT TO CHANGE FOREVER.

- WHAT'S YOUR PERSONAL TAGLINE?

- LIVE LIFE HOW YOU WANTTO LIVE IT AND ENJOY IT...

- MM-HMM.- BECAUSE NO ONE

IS GONNA--NO ONE CAN HURT YOU.

- DON'T ANSWER TO NO ONE.- EXACTLY.

- YEAH.- DO NOT ANSWER TO NOBODY.

- YEAH.

I'M JUST SO HAPPY

THAT THE 10 MILLIONTHPINK'S CUSTOMER

TURNED OUT TO BESUCH A SELFLESS AND HONEST GUY.

- YES.

- ONCE WE GOTTO DEEP ENOUGH WATERS,

I LED JONATHANUP TO THE TOP DECK,

WHERE MY PLANWAS ABOUT TO UNFOLD.

HAVE A SEATAT YOUR OWN PERSONAL TABLE...

- THIS IS SO GORGEOUS.- OUT AT SEA.

HUH?

AND HERE WE GO.

I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY

FOR NOTHING.

NOW.

- [gasps]

- HIDING BEHIND A CURTAINWERE FOUR OF THE PEOPLE

THAT JONATHAN HAD CALLOUSLYCUT IN FRONT OF

TO GETHIS HOT DOG FIRST.

YOU'RE NOTTHE 10 MILLIONTH CUSTOMER.

YOU'RE HERE TODAYBECAUSE I KNOW

YOU DIDN'T HAVEA DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.

I SAW YOUGO INTO A MOVIE THEATER.

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?- YES.

AND THESE ARE FOUR PEOPLETHAT YOU CUT IN FRONT OF

THAT YOU THOUGHTYOU WERE BETTER THAN,

INCLUDINGA NINE-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

- DON'T BE MAD.

- I JUST DON'T UNDERSTANDWHY YOU WOULD CUT US.

- I AM TRULY SORRY.I'M REALLY NOT LIKE THAT.

I'M NOT A LIAR. I MEAN,EVEN THOUGH I DID SAY THAT,

I WAS--I WASUNDER A LOT OF--I-I JUST--

- HE ASKED USIF WE WANTED TO GO,

AND HE ASKED THE GUY BEHIND USIF WE HAD ANYTHING ON THE LIST,

AND WE BOTH SAID NO.

- BUT, YOU KNOW, I WASN'T LYINGWHEN I SAID--

- AND, YES, YOU WERE LIKE,"OH, ARE YOU SURE?

I DON'T WANT TO DO IT," ANDTHIS, THAT, AND THE OTHER THING.

- NO, I DID NOT.- "SURE, GO AHEAD."

'CAUSE WE THOUGHT IT WASA DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT,

AND WE THOUGHT WE WEREBEING KIND TO A STRANGER

WHO WAS IN A HURRYAND WANTED TO GRAB A BITE TO EAT

BEFORE THE DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.

- NOW THAT JONATHAN UNDERSTOODHOW HIS ACTIONS AFFECTED OTHERS,

IT WAS TIMEFOR HIS PUNISHMENT.

THE INITIAL PLANI HAD IN MIND

WAS TO UNLOAD ALL THE PASSENGERSEXCEPT JONATHAN

INTO A SECOND BOAT

AND THEN SINK THE MAIN BOATWITH JONATHAN ON IT.

BUT MY LEGAL DEPARTMENT SAIDTHAT THIS WAS TOO UNSAFE.

SO I RELUCTANTLY AGREEDON A MILDER PUNISHMENT.

YOU HAVE TO TAKEA PIECE OF GUM

FROM THIS ORDINARY PACKOF GUM.

- WHAT IS THAT?

- IT'S JUST AN ORDINARY PACKOF GUM.

- I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.

- JONATHAN, THIS IS NOTA NEGOTIATION.

YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG,

AND YOUR PUNISHMENT ISYOU HAVE TO TAKE A PIECE OF GUM

FROM THIS ORDINARY PACKOF GUM.

- OKAY. I'M GONNA TURN AROUNDWHILE I DO IT.

- OKAY.- I DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE--

[buzzes]AAH! THAT HURT.

- YES. IT WASN'TA NORMAL PACK OF GUM.

IT WASSHOCK CHEWING GUM.

NOW THAT HE HAD PAIDFOR HIS CRIME,

I WANTED TO BE SURETHAT JONATHAN

LEFT THIS BOATA BETTER MAN.

INSIDE ALL OF OUR ANATOMIES,THERE'S TWO PARTS.

THERE'S A PARTTHAT'S A LIAR

AND A PARTTHAT'S A COOL GUY.

AND YOU'RE LETTINGTHE PART THAT'S A LIAR

TAKE OVER YOUR WHOLE BODY.

DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU,JONATHAN,

I KNOWTHERE'S A GOOD, COOL GUY.

AND I FEEL LIKEIF YOU REALLY WORK ON YOURSELF,

WITHIN A FEW YEARS,YOU COULD EVEN BE THE ONE

TRAPPING PEOPLE ON BOATS.

- OH, MY LORD. OKAY.[laughs]

- YOU SHOULDN'T BE LAUGHINGRIGHT NOW.

- NO,BUT YOU'RE SO WEIRD.

- NO, JONATHAN, I'M NOT WEIRD.- YOU ARE CRAZY.

- NO, I'M NORMAL.

I TEACH PEOPLE LESSONSWHEN THEY DO SOMETHING WRONG.

- YOU'RE VERY MANIPULATIVEAND CONNIVING,

AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

- WHETHER OR NOT JONATHANLEARNED HIS LESSON,

I LEFT THAT DAY KNOWING

I HAD ACCOMPLISHEDSOMETHING IMPORTANT.

I UPHELD MY PROMISEAND RETURNED DIGNITY

TO THE NAMEI VOWED TO PROTECT

BY LETTINGTHE WORLD KNOW

THAT THIS IS WHATWAS WAITING FOR THEM

IF THEY DECIDEDTO [bleep] WITH PINK'S.

- [screams in slow motion]

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