You fought all year,beat out scandal after scandal,
got your husbandto keep his dick in his pants--
though, that was probablylargely because of his age--
and finallyreached the big night
where you're officiallynominated
as the Democraticpresidential candidate.
What better way to celebratethan with a kick-ass video?
Jack, roll the kick-assness!
Yeah, that's whatI'm talking about.
Rise to the topand destroy all of your haters!
As with most videos released onthe Internet, this got a remix.
Comedians,what was the video mashed-up
with Stone Cold Steve Austin'stheme song,
-or the Imperial March from...?Yes, Matt Mira. -It's...
I mean, it's got to beStone Cold. The glass shatters.
-You're thinking Hillary 3:16.-All right, let's find out.
-♪ -OTHERS: Yeah!
Hillary 3:16 says
I don't understand e-mail!
How awesome, though.She smashed the ceiling
but cracked a smile.
It is now for the #HashtagWars,the time!
In this tumultuouselection season (bleep) storm,
it's common to see people onlinepublicly shame one another
for their political views,but as a wise woman once said
the other day,July 24 at 11:23 on Twitter...
And that's my mom.Well done, Mom.
Uh, hello to all moms out there.
Hello to my mom,hello to all moms out there.
That's whytonight's hashtag is...
-Oh. What?-MIRA: Wow! Wow!
I don't think we...
Play it again!
-One more time? One more time?-Yeah!
Yay! There it is! Yay!
examples of this might be,#MotherhoodMovies:
They Grow Up 2 Fast 2 Furious;
and: I'm Not Mad, Max, Just Disappointed, Max.
I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.
-Kevin. -Batmom v Supermom: Dawn of Martha.
-All right, points.-(laughter, cheering, applause)
Would have been a good movie.Kathryn.
Star Wars: The Force Needs You to Wake Up Right Now!
All right, points.I'm late for school, Matt Mira.
Throw Mother from the Train.
-I see what you're doing.Yeah, points. -HAHN: Yep.
-Kathryn. -Close Encounters of the Third Marriage.
-All right, points.-(laughter)
-Serial Mother? -All right.
I gotcha, points. Kevin.
The Secret Life in Sweats.
-All right, points. Kathryn.-(laughter)
The Hand That Rocks the Cradle and Has Postpartum Depression.
-All right, points. Points.-(laughter)
-Kevin.-Um, not so much a movie
but based on the new HBO show,it's called Ballers.
-All right, points.-HAHN: Yeah!
-Kathryn. -Schindler's To-Do List.
-(laughter)-All right, points!
-(applause)-So much. So much.
Whether you love heror you hate her
or you begrudgingly support herbecause the alternative
is the literal apocalypse,you got to acknowledge
the historical natureof Hillary Clinton becoming
the first female presidentialnominee for a major party.
And as a signof just how far we've come,
Boing Boing noted a 1995 article
in which a T-shirt reading
"Someday a womanwill be president"
was pulled from Wal-Mart shelves
because it offended shoppers
and "goes againstWal-Mart family values."
If this all sounds unbelievable,keep in mind this was back
in 1995-- the 1900s, guys--
when TLC's "Waterfalls" toppedthe charts,
Time magazine's Man of the Yearwas Newt Gingrich,
and every Vine star was justsome really annoying (bleep).
-over the break...-(cheering and applause)
It was a different time.
A young, floppy-hairedChris Hardwick
was helping Jenny McCarthybecome famous. Uh...