share

When Aliens Attack

Aliens invade Earth in search of a TV star from 1999. (21:59)

I'M GOING TO BEA SCIENCE FICTION HERO,

JUST LIKE UHURAOR CAPTAIN JANEWAY OR XENA.

Fry, this isn't TV,it's real life.

Can't you tell the difference?

SURE. I JUST LIKE TV BETTER.

( imitates laser firing )

( alarm sounding )

BENDER-- DAMAGE REPORT.

THE AUXILIARY POWER'S OUT.

AND THEY SPILLED MY COCKTAIL.

( short-circuiting )

ALL RIGHT, SCUMWADS...

THIS ONE'SFOR BENDER'S COCKTAIL.

( laughing )

WE DID IT! WE WON!

YEAH, BUT IT'LL NEVER BRING BACKMY MARTINI.

WELL, WHO WANTS A MARTINI?

( ice cubes rattling )

( glasses clinking )

Good work, everyone.

The mother ship is destroyed.

WHAT THE HELLIS THAT THING?

IT APPEARS TO BETHE MOTHER SHIP.

THEN WHAT DIDWE JUST BLOW UP?

THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE.

STOP EXPLODING,YOU COWARDS!

THIS IS HOPELESS.

IF WE'RE GOINGTO GET BLOWN TO BITS

WE MAY AS WELL DO ITIN THE COMFORT OF OUR OWN HOME.

( engines screeching )

( reverse warning beeps )

WHY NOT?

IT'S CLEVER,IT'S UNEXPECTED...

BUT THAT'S NOT WHYPEOPLE WATCH TV!

CLEVER THINGS MAKE PEOPLEFEEL STUPID

AND UNEXPECTED THINGSMAKE THEM FEEL SCARED.

( static on TV )

Attention, McNeal--

Your unexpected marriage planscares us.

You stole our heartsas a single female lawyer

and so shall you remain...or else!

YOU SEE? TV AUDIENCESDON'T WANT ANYTHING ORIGINAL.

THEY WANT TO SEE THE SAME THING

THEY'VE SEEN A THOUSAND TIMESBEFORE.

WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT, FRY?

TRUST ME ON THIS.

WHILE OTHER PEOPLE WEREOUT LIVING THEIR LIVES,

I WASTED MINE WATCHING TV,BECAUSE DEEP DOWN,

I KNEW IT MIGHT ONE DAYHELP ME SAVE THE WORLD.

PLUS, I WOULD'VE LOSTMY WORKMEN'S COMP

IF I HAD GONE OUTSIDE.

NOW JUST READ THESE CUE CARDS.

AND... ACTION!

"MISS McNEAL...

"I'M AFRAIDI MUST DECLINE

"YOUR OFFER OF MARRIAGE,

"FOR YOU SEE, I'M DYING.

COUGH, THEN FALL OVER DEAD."

"MY GOD, HE'S DEAD."

"I WILL NOW MAKEMY CLOSING STATEMENT.

"WITH MY FIANCÉ DECEASED,

"I HEREBY RETURN

"TO MY SINGLEFEMALE LAWYER CAREER

NO MATTER WHAT ANY MAN SAYS."

"WE FIND THE DEFENDANT

VULNERABLE YET SPUNKY."

( all cheering )

AND... CUT!

♪ SINGLE FEMALE LAWYER ♪

♪ HAVIN' LOTS OF SEX... ♪

HUH?

Attention, McNeal.

We are reasonably satisfied

with the events we have seen.

Overall, I would rate ita C-PLUS.

Okay; not great.

As a result, we will not destroyyour planet,

but neither will we provide youwith our recipe for immortality.

WAY TO OVERACT,ZOIDBERG.

And now we must returnto our planet to catch the end

of a thousand-year-oldLeno monologue.

( eerie whirring )

( all cheering )