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Miss BS

The guys put the entire office in danger after showing off their office-pranking skills in front of their favorite undercover business reporter. (21:14)

AT A BUS STOP,

CRUSHING BURGSIN THE MORNING WITH MY BOYS.

- NOTHING LIKE IT.- WITH THAT SAID,

UH, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GETTHE 'VO FIXED, DERS?

- DUDE, WHEN I GET $600TO FIX THE BRAKES.

- WHEN DO YOU THINK THAT'S GOINGTO HAPPEN FOR YOU IN YOUR LIFE?

- I DON'T KNOW.WHEN I WIN THE LOTTERY?

- THAT'S, LIKE, A GREAT PLAN.

MY NEIGHBOR GROWING UP--

HE ACTUALLY BOUGHTA LOTTO TICKET EVERY DAY.

HE'S HOMELESS NOW.

- RIGHT, 'CAUSE IT'S NEXT TOIMPOSSIBLE TO WIN THE LOTTERY.

- IT WASN'TABOUT THE--THE TICKETS.

HE WAS ADDICTEDTO METHAMPHETAMINES.

- NICE BUNS.- THEY ARE.

- THEY'RE GOOD, RIGHT?- YEAH.

- EXCUSE YOU?

- WHAT'S UP?

- OH, NO. UH, WE WERE TALKINGABOUT THE BURGERS.

WE WERE--WE WERE COMMENTINGON HOW DELICIOUS THE BUNS ARE.

- WE CAN'T EVEN SEE YOUR BUNS.- BITCH!

- HEY, LEAVE HIM ALONE,ALL RIGHT?

- OH, IS THIS YOUR MOMMY?

- NO, IF ANYTHING,I'M THE DADDY,

AND I'M ASKING YOU TO STEP OFF.

- AND I'M--I'M A COOL BACHELOR UNCLE,

AND I'M--I'M JUST, LIKE,HANGING AROUND.

I RIDE A MOTORCYCLE.I HAVE GOOD HAIR.

I'M LIKE UNCLE JESSE, BASICALLY.- I'M DANNY TANNER.

- I'M COMET.- TOO BAD YOU'RE ALL BITCHES.

GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!- NO, WHAT?

WHAT THE--- OH, JEEZ!

- WHOA! JUST TAKE--JUST TAKE OUR MONEY, THEN.

- IF YOU JUST REACH IN MY FRONTPOCKET, IT'S IN THERE.

- JESUS.

- JUST LEAVE THE RECEIPT,THOUGH--I NEED THAT.

- JUST GIVE ME YOUR SODA.- YEAH, OF COURSE.

UH, I MEAN, I'VE ALREADY HADTOO MUCH CAFFEINE ANYWAYS.

[chuckles]- BITCH.

- HIT MY LIMIT.- OH.

- [exhales deeply]OOH.

- TAKE IT.- YEAH. SO TAKE IT.

- RIGHT?- "I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR SODA."

I WASN'T EVEN SCAREDOF HER, DUDE.

I WAS SO BRAVE RIGHT THEN.

OR I WOULD HAVE KNOCKEDHER BLOCK OFF.

- YEAH, MAN. I MEAN, I'M STILLSTEWING ABOUT IT OVER HERE.

- GET IN THE BROTH, BABY.- I KNOW.

IT'S NEVER OKAY TO HITA CHICK, RIGHT?

BUT...- HMM.

- THAT CHICK WAS, LIKE--SHE WANTED THE FUNK, MAN.

SHE WANTED TO HIT ME!SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

MY HANDS ARE TIED, AND I'M NOTGOING TO HEAD-BUTT HER EITHER.

- LOOK, I'M AMERICAN,BORN AND BRED,

BUT AS A COUNTRY,I THINK IT'S TIME WE RETHINK

THIS WHOLENEVER-HIT-WOMEN POLICY.

- I AGREE.- WHOOP! SHE'S ON.

IT'S ON.- OH, HERE WE GO.

- TURN IT UP.TURN IT UP.

- MAGGIE SIMS,OR AS YOU KNOW HER, MISS B.S.

- OH, IT'S HER, IT'S HER--MISS B.S.

- SIR, DO YOU RECOGNIZE ME?

LAST WEEK YOU SOLD ME BOGUSJASON MRAZ TICKETS.

THAT'S A B.S.!

HOW DO YOU FEELKNOWING THAT THE WHOLE WORLD

KNOWS YOU BY THE PONZI SCHEME?

THAT'S A B.S.

ILLEGAL PIZZA DELIVERY!

I DON'T REMEMBERORDERING THIS TOPPING.

THAT'S A B.S.

- DAMN!- WHO'S FINE?

- I'M HERE OUTSIDEOF BIG HANK'S AUTO BODY SHOP,

WHERE LAST WEEK I WENT INWITH A HIDDEN CAMERA

AND GOT A PRETTY PRICEY QUOTEFOR A NEW MUFFLER.

- OH, YEAH, LADY,I CAN REPLACE THAT MUFFLER,

BUT IT'S GOING TO BE,LIKE, $900.

- SO THAT WAS THE PRICEFOR MISS B.S.

NOW LET'S SEEWHAT KIND OF PRICE...

MR. B.S. GETS.

MY LADY'S ALWAYS TRYINGTO CONTROL ME.

LAST MONTH I HAD TO EAT SOUPFOR FOUR NIGHTS.

SO--SO WHAT DO WE GOT HERE,I MEAN, JUST BETWEEN US?

- LISTEN, JUST BETWEEN US GUYS--- JUST BETWEEN US DUDES.

- 400 BUCKS.- 400 BUCKS FOR A NEW MUFFLER.

- EXACTLY.IT'S A GREAT DEAL.

- IT IS A GREAT DEAL.ONLY, IT'S B.S.

- WHAT THE--- AND IT IS SEXIST!

- GET OUT OF MY SHOP.- WE GOT HIM.

- GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF HERE.GET OUT!

- HE CAN'T B.S. MISS B.S.- COME ON, DUDE.

- SEXISM'S, LIKE,MY LEAST FAVORITE THING,

BESIDES SALAD BARS.

I ALSO HATE SALAD BARS.- YEAH.

- AND IF YOU KNOWOF A CORRUPT BUSINESS,

CALL THE NUMBERAT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SCREEN.

- WHAT IF WE, LIKE, UH,

THREW A "SAVE THE 'VO,"LIKE, FUND-RAISER?

- I LIKE THAT.- YEAH, MAYBE SHE'D COME OVER.

YOU KNOW HOW,LIKE, CELEBRITIES--

THEY LOVE GOINGTO CHARITY EVENTS.

- WHAT?

[sniffs]DO YOU SMELL MY FART?

- DID YOU--OH. OH!

- WE'RE THE GUYS.- MM-HMM.

- I GOT YOU A GIFT.- YEAH.

- I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

IT IS THE BOOK TWILIGHT.- OH.

- IT'S ABOUT--IT'S BASICALLY YOU.

IT'S, LIKE, A STRONG, EMPOWEREDWOMAN WHO FALLS IN LOVE

WITH, UH, A DUDEWITH A DOPE HAIRLINE.

- THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR THAT.- YOU'RE WELCOME.

UH, IF YOU WANTTO COME ON IN HERE...

W-WOULD YOU LIKE ANYTHINGFROM THE BREAK ROOM?

WE GOT WATER IN THERE.WE GOT SOME OLD BANANAS.

WE GOT SOMEMULTI-GRAIN CHEERIOS.

- OH, NO, THANK YOU.I'M ON KIND OF A TIGHT SCHEDULE.

SO WHAT'S THE STORY?

- WELL, THE STORY STARTSWITH A BROKE-DOWN 'VO

AND HOPEFULLY WILL END WITH YOUBEING OUR A-LIST CELEBRITY

AT THE 'VO FUND-RAISER PARTYTHIS WEEKEND.

- IT'S A FUND-RAISER?- YEAH.

- SEE, I WAS TOLD

THAT THERE WERE UNSAFEWORK CONDITIONS HERE.

- THERE IS.- THERE ARE, YEAH.

THERE'S A TON, LIKE,UM, THE BREAK ROOM?

YEAH, IT'S MORE LIKE THESLIP-AND-BREAK-YOUR-NECK ROOM.

YOU CAN REALLY BUST YOUR NUTIN THERE.

- OKAY. SO THANK YOU SO MUCHFOR WASTING MY TIME.

- WHAT?all: NO, NO, NO, NO.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO, NO.

HEY.AH, I'M SORRY.

I PROBABLY CAME OFFAS A REAL FREAKIN' PERV.

[mumbling incoherently]- [laughs]

- IT'S LIKE YOU...- YEAH.

- M-MAKE ME ALL FLUSTERED.

WE WANT YOU TO COMETO OUR 'VO FUND-RAISER

BECAUSE IT MEANSTHE WORLD TO US,

AND IF YOU'D JUSTSPEND SOME TIME WITH US,

YOU'D REALIZETHAT WE'RE COOL, NORMAL DUDES.

WE MAKE FUNNY JOKES.WE DO FUNNY PRANKS.

- OH, SO MANY FUNNY PRANKS.- YEAH.

- LIKE, UH--LIKE WORLD-STAR-WORTHY STUFF.

LIKE, UH, WE DO SMACK HAMS.

WE MESS WITH PEOPLE'S FOOD.[laughter]

- WE DO EUROPEAN SHARKING,WHICH--GOOGLE THAT.

- PHONE CALLS.- YES.

- WE DO THOSE ALL DAYTO, LIKE, OLD PEOPLE AND STUFF,

SO IT'S FUNNIER.

- WE MAKE 'EM BUYTHE STUPIDEST [bleep]...

ALMOST LIKE IT'S OUR JOBS.- RIGHT.

- WAIT A MINUTE.IT IS.

[laughter]- IT IS. WE'RE TELEMARKETERS.

DOY!- YES.

- WHAT WE DO IS WE'LL JUSTTARGET OLD PEOPLE, YOU KNOW?

WE'LL LOOK AT THE LIST,AND THEN WE'LL BE LIKE,

"THAT'S AN OLD NAME.THAT'S A LONELY NAME.

WE'RE GONNA CALL THAT NAME."- EDITH?

I WILL [bleep] AN EDITH.

OVER!I'M SORRY.

OH, GOSH. I JUST--I-I, LIKE,STOPPED THE SENTENCE.

- OKAY. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?I-I HAVE AN HOUR TO KILL

BEFORE MY NEXT MEETING,

SO I WOULD LOVE TO SEESOME OF THOSE PRANK PHONE CALLS.

- COOL. AWESOME.- COOL.

- OKAY. YES. YES, BUT FIRST,

YOU GOT TO SEESOME OF THE CLASSICS.

- OKAY.- WILL YOU TOUCH POOP?

[rock music]

[air horn blows]

[laughter]

- OH, [bleep].

- REGULAR DAY IN THE OFFICE.- WHERE WE WORK.

all:POOP DOLLAR!

[laughter]- THAT IS MY POOP!

- [coughing]

- IT WOULD BE, LIKE, AN HONORIF YOU'D, LIKE, SMOKE WITH US.

- AAH!GOD, IT'S SO HOT!

MY [bleep] MOUTH,MY [bleep] THROAT!

- WHO DOES THE BEST, UH, FACE,

LIKE, RIGHT BEFOREYOU'RE ABOUT TO GET KILLED?

- GO. GO!

[high-pitched voice]HEY, GRANDMA? IT'S ME, RICKY.

YEAH, I'M SELLING MAGAZINESFOR SCHOOL AGAIN,

SO I NEEDA LITTLE BIT OF MONEY.

- [weakly] ETHEL, THIS ISTHE SPIRIT OF YOUR DEAD HUSBAND.

THEY WON'T RELEASE ME FROM HELLUNLESS YOU BUY SOME STEAKS.

[groans]

- [deep voice]YEAH, NOW, UH, REAL QUICK--

I'M GONNA NEEDTHE EXPIRATION DATE

AND THE THREE-DIGIT CODEON THE BACK.

THAT IS VERY GOOD, DORIS.YOU PASS YOUR ALZHEIMER'S TEST.

UH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[normal voice]AND I GOT HER.

LET'S CHUG THESE.- BOTTOM'S UP.

- CHEERS. CHEERS.- CHEERS. CHEERS. CHEERS.

- MM-MM.

- OH, YEAH,YOU GOT TO PUT IT BACK.

- [groans] OH!- OH.

- OW.- ARE YOU OKAY?

- NO, HE'LL BE FINE.- IT'S OKAY.

- YEAH, LET'S CLOSE THE DOOR.

WE'RE NOT TRYING TO HEATTHE NEIGHBORHOOD.

- OKAY.- YEP.

- [humming] I LOVE YOUR BLOUSE.- OH, THANK YOU.

OKAY.- WHOO!

- CHEERS.- OH!

- TO NEW BEST FRIENDS.- TO NEW BEST FRIENDS.

- [laughs]OKAY.

- [laughs]CHUG UP.

- I THINK THAT CALLS FOR A SHOT.- THAT CALLS FOR A SHOT.

- COME ON, GAL PAL.- [chuckles]

- MMM.

- AND I THINK THAT CALLSFOR ANOTHER SHOT.

- OH!- [laughs]

- WHEN MISS B.S. IS OFFTHE CLOCK, SHE'S OFF THE CHAIN.

- YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT, MAN.SHE HAS THE COOLEST MOVES TOO.

LOOK AT HER GO. THEY'RE, LIKE,INDIAN-INFLUENCED.

- [imitatingNative American chant]

I WOULDN'T MIND, UH,SLEEPING WITH HER.

I'M PART CHEROKEE, SO...- YEAH.

- MY DAD DRIVES A GRAND ONE.- THAT'S SICK.

- UH-HUH.[siren wails]

- COPS!

COPS, COPS, COPS, COPS,COPS, COPS, COPS, COPS!

- TIME TO GO.COPS ARE HERE.

- MISS B.S., YOU PROBABLY WANTTO GET OUT OF HERE

BEFORE THE COPS SEE YOU.

- [laughs] WHAT?- YEAH.

COPS ARE ALWAYS JUST SNATCHINGUP CELEBRITIES UNJUSTLY,

LIKE MEL GIBSON.

- WHY WOULD I CAREIF THE COPS SEE ME?

I MEAN, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL,YOU KNOW?

WE'RE ALL JUST HAVING A FEWDRINKS, ENJOYING THE PARTY.

- ACTUALLY,THAT IS THE BIG DEAL.

UM, EVERYBODY DRINKING HEREIS PRETTY MUCH UNDERAGE.

- YEP.- THIS IS GOOD FOR A MERLOT.

- YEAH, THE ALL THREE OF THEMCOMBINED ARE PROBABLY 30.

- WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?

- WHAT?OH, NO.

WHAT--SO I'M AT, LIKE,A HOUSE PARTY WITH MINORS?

WHY ARE THERE CHILDRENAT YOUR HOUSE?

- WELL, THEY RAGE.- KIND OF.

- THEY CAME WITH ME.- OH, SO WHAT?

YOU'RE JUST HERE TO GETYOUR ASS KICKED AGAIN?

- I'M GONNA CUTTHIS--

- OH, YOU LADIES GOTSOME HISTORY, HUH?

CHECK THIS OUT.- WHAT?

- LOOK AT THIS FUNNY VIDEO

OF YOU JUST GRINDING UPON A CHILD--THAT'S COOL.

- THAT'S DISGUSTING.

- TURNED INTO A MANRIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES.

- SO HERE'S THE DEAL.

WE DON'T WANT THAT TO LEAK,AND THAT'D BE BAD NEWS.

I MEAN,THERE'S FACEBOOK, TWITTER.

MYSPACE IS BACK AGAIN.[pounding at door]

- NO, MYSPACE IS NOT BACK.- DUDE, I'M TELLING YOU.

IT'S BACK, OKAY?I GOT A PROFILE ON THERE NOW.

THE FORMAT IS SICK.

- I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHTBECAUSE I'D LOVE TO BRING BACK

MY "HEY, TOM,I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND," JOKE.

[pounding at door]- OPEN THE DOOR!

IT'S THE POLICE!- OKAY. OH, MY GOD.

THIS IS HAPPENING.

I--YOU GUYS,I COULD LOSE MY JOB.

- OH, THAT SUCKS.IT'S A TERRIBLE FEELING.

WE KNOW IT WELL.- TERRIBLE.

- BUT WE'RE COOL, RIGHT?

WE COULD PROBABLY FIND A WAYTO NOT TELL THE COPS--

LIKE, GET RIDOF ALL THESE VIDEOS.

- OKAY, I SEE IT.I SEE ALL--

I SEE WHAT YOU DIDAND, YOU KNOW, CUE THE APPLAUSE.

KUDOS ON THAT.

ALL RIGHT,HERE'S THE DEAL.

IF YOU GUYS PROMISE TO KILLALL THIS FOOTAGE OF ME,

AND I-I WILL NOT RUNTHE TELAMERICORP STORY.

- ALL RIGHT!- YES!

- YES, YOU GOT IT.YOU GOT IT.

- WAIT, WAIT.WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WAIT A SECOND.HOW DO WE KNOW YOU'RE NOT LYING?

- YES.- [sighs]

- YOU CAN'T B.S.THE B.S.ERS.

- SHE'S SLIPPERY, ISN'T SHE?- THAT'S US.

- WHO IS IT?- RICK.

- IT'S RICK.- DON'T RUN THE T.A.C. STORY.

- IT'S RICK. IT'S HIM.- OKAY, I GOT THE FACTS WRONG.

JUST RUNTHE DOG-PARK STORY AGAIN.

EVERYBODY LOVES THAT CRAP.

- DOG-PARK STORY.THAT'S THE ONE.

WHERE'S THAT DOG PARK TOO?'CAUSE, LIKE, CHICKS FOR DAYS.

[pounding at door]- OPEN THE DOOR!

I'M NOT GONNA ASK AGAIN!

- OKAY, SO WE'LL TAKE ITFROM HERE.

YOU HIT THE BACK DOOR,ALL RIGHT?

WE'LL CALL YOU.- DON'T EVER CALL ME!

- WAIT!- OH, MIKE.

- SEE YOU LATER, MIKE.

- THAT'S A REAL BONDING MOMENTWE SHARED.

- RIGHT? IT WAS, LIKE, EYEFOR AN EYE, AND NOW LET'S HUG.

- YEAH. NOW GET IN HERE,AND LET'S FRENCH-KISS.

LET'S THREE-WAY KISS.- YOU WANT TO GET LOCO?

I THINK SHE KNOWSWHAT THAT MEANS.

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