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Extended - Thursday, April 16, 2015 - Uncensored

  • 04/16/2015
  • views: 11,700

Tim Minchin, Rich Fulcher and Rhys Darby learn about a racy museum exhibit, #AddBlartImproveAMovie and list awful government domain names in this extended, uncensored episode. (30:06)

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)GOOD NEWS FOR ALL YOU BILINGUAL

STAR WARS NERDS IN BRATISLAVA.

A YOUTUBER NAMED MATTEO DIPASTENA RECENTLY UPLOADED A

SUPERCUT INCLUDING ALL THEDIFFERENT FOREIGN LANGUAGE DUBS

OF THE "EMPIRE STRIKES BACK"SCENE WHERE DARTH VADER REVEALS

TO LUKE THAT HE'S HIS FATHER.

SPOILER ALERT-- DARTH VADER ISLUKE SKYWALKER'S FATHER.

IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT IN YOUROWN LANGUAGE, YOU'RE ABOUT TO

HAVE YOUR MIND FUCKIN' BLOWN.

(LAUGHTER)(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

>> HARDWICK: I ALSO DREW DARTHVADER'S DICK.

I DREW DARTH VADER'S DICK ON...

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)YEAH.

BUT, UH...

>> THAT'S NOT HIM.

THAT'S-THAT'S...

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S...

THAT'S...

DON'T USE FORCE.

UH...

(LAUGHTER)>> THE, UH...

>> HARDWICK: AND, YOU KNOW, JUSTFOR FUN, I ALSO DREW BANE'S DICK

BECAUSE, UH, I FEEL LIKE BANEWOULD HAVE TINY BALLS.

(LAUGHTER)"CUP THE SHAFT, BATMAN.

PLAY WITH THE SHAFT.

TICKLE THE BALLS."

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)I WAS BORED AT DINNER BREAK.

ANYWAY...

>> AT LEAST HE'S RIBBED.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. YEAH, HISDICK SHAFT HAS A SIX-PACK...

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: ...UH, RIGHT THERE.

HE IS... HAS A WASHBOARD TAINT.

>> IT'LL GO NICE.

FEEL THAT GOING ON.

>> HARDWICK: UH... ALL RIGHT.

>> DOESN'T EVERYONE HAVE AWASHBOARD...?

>> HARDWICK: WAIT A MINUTE.

>> UH, WHAT?

>> HARDWICK: NO. WHAT?

ALL RIGHT.

>> SO AWKWARD.

>> HE SAID "TAINT."

>> HARDWICK: I DID.

I DID.

I GOT TO GET THESE DICK DRAWINGSOVER TO...

ALL RIGHT, THE ROMANCE LANGUAGESCAN EVEN MAKE A SITH LORD SOUND

LIKE HE'S TRYING TO GET INTOYOUR PANTS, SO, COMEDIANS, I

WOULD LIKE YOU TO TELL LUKEYOU'RE HIS FATHER IN YOUR

DISTINCT NATIVE TONGUE.

TIM, YOU'RE AN AUSSIE.

>> UH, LUKE, MATE... DON'T JACKA WOBBLY.

I ROOTED YOUR MOM.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

FANTASTIC. FANTASTIC.

RICH FULCHER FROM MASSACHUSETTS.

>> THIS IS NOT GONNA BE AMASSACHUSETTS, BUT, UH...

(WITH LISP): LUKE, COULD YOUCOME OVER HERE, BUDDY, FOR A

SECOND?

UH, LET'S RAP FOR A LITTLE BIT.

UM, I GUESS I'M YOUR DAD, SO, IOWE YOU A LOT OF BIRTHDAY

PRESENTS AND ABOUT A MILLIONHUGS.

LET'S START NOW.

(LAUGHS)>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

ADORABLE.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY

DAD.

>> HARDWICK: AND RHYS DARBY WITHKIWI DARTH VADER.

>> (CLEARS THROAT)(HIGH-PITCHED DARTH VADER

BREATHS)(LAUGHTER)

(HIGH-PITCHED COUGH)(HIGH-PITCHED): HEY... HEY,

LUKE, UM... HEY.

UM, HOW'S THINGS?

HOW'S YOUR MUM?

UM... UH...

DID YOU FEED YOUR BUDGIE TODAY?

(LAUGHTER)UM, DON'T GET UP-- JUST KEEP

EATING YOUR STEAK-AND-CHEESEPIE.

UM... YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TOSAY SOMETHING, AND THIS DOESN'T

CHANGE ANYTHING, SO DON'T THROWYOUR JANDAL AT ME.

(LAUGHTER)IT'S JUST, UM, I'M YOUR REAL

DAD, SO, UM, WOULD LOVE IT IFYOU'D COME TO OUR SIDE.

(LAUGHTER)(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

VERY WELL PLAYED.

IT IS NOW THAT TIME OF YEAR WHENTHE WEATHER IS GETTING WARMER,

THE GRASS IS TURNING GREENER ANDMUSEUMS ARE GETTING WETTER.

AT THE MANHATTAN MUSEUM OF SEXYOU CAN BE TITILLATED BY A

VICTORIAN-ERA DILDO, PLAY IN ABOUNCY CASTLE OF BOOBS, AND

MARVEL AT THIS NATURE-INSPIREDPIECE-- THIS IS...

(LAUGHTER)>> HOW CAN THEY IGNORE THAT!

(LAUGHTER)LOOK BEHIND YOU!

>> HARDWICK: DON'T LOOK.

DON'T TURN AROUND.

DON'T TURN AROUND.

UH, WHAT SHOULD THIS EXHIBIT BECALLED?

RICH FULCHER.

>> WHEN SANTA'S AWAY, THE REALFUCKING BEGINS.

(LAUGHTER)(WHOOPING)

>> HARDWICK: WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT MEANS THAT THERE'S STILLSOME KIND OF FUCKING WHEN

SANTA'S STILL AROUND.

>> YEAH. JUST A LITTLE BIT,AROUND THE EDGES.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT. POINTS.

UH, RHYS DARBY.

>> UH...

DOE ME! I TRIPLE DEER YOU!

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

>> TRIPLE DEER YOU!

>> HARDWICK: TRIPLE DEER, YEAH,TRIPLE DEER YOU.

>> IT'S A PUN.

>> HARDWICK: TRIPLE DEER.

THEN IT MAKES SENSE.

(WHOOPING)>> I JUST... IT SHOULD BE CALLED

"WHEN SANTA STOPPED HIS SLEIGHTOO FAST."

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: YES.

POINTS, RHYS DARBY.

AND ADDITIONAL DONNER POINTS TOTIM MINCHIN.

>> THE ONE UNDERNEATH SHOULD BEA HUNTER.

NOW WHO'S GETTING MOUNTED, YOUFUCK?

>> HARDWICK: HE DOES.

TIM, YOUR SCENARIO WOULD EXPLAINWHY RUDOLPH'S NOSE WENT RED.

(LAUGHTER)>> MUSEUM OR DEER PRISON?

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: YOU DECIDE.

THIS ONE'S JUST TRYING TO GET APACK OF CIGARETTES, UH...

FROM THIS ONE.

ALL RIGHT, BEFORE I INTRODUCETHIS NEXT STORY, I SHOULD

MENTION THAT I AM FROM THESOUTH.

I AM VERY PROUD OF IT.

UH, WAS RAISED IN MEMPHIS,TENNESSEE.

I MAY LIVE IN L.A.

I ALWAYS LOVE VISITING THESOUTH.

I ENJOY THE FOOD, THE PEOPLE ARELOVELY, THE AIR IS NICE AND

CLEAN-- IT'S WONDERFUL!

SO WITH THAT STORY IN MIND, THISNEXT STORY FROM GEORGIA IS SOME

SERIOUS REDNECK SHIT!

ROLL THE THING.

>> A LEE COUNTY WOMAN ISRECOVERING TONIGHT AFTER A

BIZARRE SHOOTING.

HER SON-IN-LAW FIRED THE SHOT ATAN ARMADILLO.

>> AND THE BULLET HIT THEARMADILLO, THEN RICOCHETED OFF

SEVERAL THINGS BEFORE GOINGTHROUGH A DOOR AND HIT THE

WOMAN.

IT'S A STORY THAT HAS A LOT OFPEOPLE SCRATCHING THEIR HEADS.

>> HARDWICK: HEY, GAIL!

GAIL! PICK UP THAT ARMADILLO BUTDON'T ASK WHY!

AW, FUCK, I MISSED!

THIS IS AN AWARD-WINNING NEWSCLIP, CHANNEL 10. WAY TO GO.

YOUR PRIORITIES ARE CLEARLY INORDER.

COMEDIANS, THIS BROADCAST KNOWSWHAT SIDE THE BREAD IS BUTTERED

ON.

PLEASE HELP THEM GET MORE CLICKSWITH AN EVEN MORE DEEP-SOUTHY

HEADLINE THAN "MAN ACCIDENTALLYSHOOTS MOTHER-IN-LAW WHILE

TRYING TO SHOOT ARMADILLO." TIM.

>> UM... UM...

RACIST GAY WHITE MAN TURNS OUTTO BE SELF-LOATHING CLOSETED

STRAIGHT BLACK WOMAN.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

POINTS.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)MR. FULCHER.

>> GEORGIA ADOPTS NEW STATEMOTTO: GET OFF MY LAWN!

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. POINTS.

THAT'S THE UNOFFICIAL MOTTO.

RHYS.

>> UM...

GAY BLACK MAN SPOTTED BY LOCALHUNTER, SHOTS FIRED, HUNTER

LATER FOUND FUCKED TO DEATH BYTRIPLE DEER THREAT.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> QUITE A LONG HEADLINE.

>> HARDWICK: IT IS LONG. YEAH.

>> BUT HE GETS IT IN THE END.

>> HARDWICK: HE DOES.

>> IN-IN THE END.

>> HARDWICK: MY FAVORITE PART OFTHAT IS THAT THE GAY BLACK MAN

HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THEOUTCOME OF THAT STORY.

>> HE WAS JUST SPOTTEDINNOCENTLY.

(LAUGHTER)BUT SHOTS WERE FIRED, CHRIS.

>> HARDWICK: NO, I UNDERSTAND.

>> THAT'S WHY HE GOT FUCKED BYTHE DEERS.

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S WHY THEDEERS...

>> SORRY, HOLD ON.

EXPLAIN IT AGAIN.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> YEAH, PLEASE.

>> IT'S A... IT'S A BLACK...

>> A SPOTTED GAY BLACK MAN.

>> ...GAY BLACK MAN...

NO, HE WAS SPOTTED-- SEEN.

>> OH, OH, OH.

(LAUGHTER)>> THIS IS WHERE YOU'VE GONE

AWRY.

IT'S NOT SPOTTED.

IT COULD BE.

THAT MIGHT ADD TO IT.

BUT HE WAS JUST SEEN.

I SHOULD HAVE SAID SEEN.

(LAUGHTER)SHOTS WERE FIRED.

WHAT A... WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

(LAUGHTER)THE LOCAL HUNTER.

AND THEN LATER, HUNTER FOUNDDEAD, FUCKED TO DEATH BY TRIPLE

DEER THREAT.

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

IT'S MUCH MORE CLEAR NOW.

I'M JUST GLAD THAT SPOTTED BLACKGAY MAN GOT AWAY AFTER BEING

SHOT IN THE ASSHOLE.

I'M SO HAPPY THAT IT WORKED OUTFOR HIM.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE HASHTAGWARS.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING)IT'S NO SECRET WE LIVE IN THE

GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLDTHAT ISN'T NAMED CANADA.

THIS IS DUE IN NO SMALL PART TOAMERICAN HERO AND SEGUE

ENTHUSIAST PAUL BLART.

THIS WEEKEND PAUL BLART: MALLCOP MAKES ITS WAY WEST TO THAT

BEAUTIFUL DESERT OASIS KNOWN ASLAS VEGAS, NEVADA.

THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS,BLART IS BACK.

THERE IS NO QUESTION IN OURMINDS THIS MOVIE WILL KNOCK THE

SOCKS OFF OF MIDDLE AMERICA, SOIN HONOR OF PAUL BLART 2...

THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT FORPAUL BLART, BY THE WAY.

THEY DID NOT GIVE US MONEY TO DOTHIS.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT ONEOF MY BEST FRIENDS AND WRITER

MATT MIRA WILL NOT SHUT THE FUCKUP ABOUT PAUL BLART 2.

SO... IN HONOR OF MATT'SOBSESSION WITH PAUL BLART 2,

ROLLING INTO THEATERS THISWEEKEND, WE FELT-- OR MATT

FELT-- THAT IT WAS OUR DUTY TOIMAGINE A WORLD WHERE PAUL BLART

COULD MAKE EVERY MOVIE BETTER.

SO TONIGHT'S HASHTAG ISADDBLARTIMPROVEAMOVIE.

(LAUGHTER)(WHOOPING, APPLAUSE)

EXAMPLES OF THIS MIGHT BE:BLARTACUS; THE GOOD, THE BLART

AND THE UGLY; OR... THE PAULT INOUR BLARTS.

NOW... IF YOU USE PAUL AND BLARTIN YOUR ANSWER, AS EVIDENCED IN

THE PAUL IN OUR BLARTS, YOU WILLGET DOUBLE POINTS, ALL RIGHT?

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK, AND BEGIN.

YES, RHYS.

>> BEING PAUL BLARTOVICH.

>> HARDWICK: YES! ALL RIGHT!

DOUBLE POINTS TO RHYS.

RICH.

>> SPONGEPAUL SQUAREBLART.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: YES. DOUBLE POINTS.

RHYS.

>> BLARTOPUSSY.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: NO, SIR, I WILL

NOT!

>> COME ON!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. ALL RIGHT.

YOU SAID "COME ON." TIM.

>> ETERNAL PAULSHINE OF THEBLARTLESS MIND.

>> HARDWICK: DOUBLE POINTS.

DOUBLE POINTS.

RICH FULCHER.

>> FAST AND BLARTIOUS 7.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

RHYS DARBY.

>> INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLEOF THE CRYSTAL PAUL BLART.

>> HARDWICK: UH...

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT, I'LL ALLOW IT.

DOUBLE POINTS.

TIM.

>> O BROTHER, WHERE BLART THOU?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. AMAZING.

(WHOOPING)AMAZING.

RICH.

>> FROZEN, BUT WITH PAUL BLARTINSTEAD OF A LOT OF PRINCESSES.

>> THAT'S NOT...

>> HARDWICK: I'M JUST GONNA GIVEYOU SINGLE POINTS FOR THAT.

RHYS DARBY.

>> BILL & TED'S & PAUL BLART'SEXCELLENT ADVENTURE.

>> HARDWICK: I'M GONNA GIVE YOUA SINGLE HUNDRED POINTS FOR

THAT-- AMAZING.

ALL RIGHT.

THIS HAS BEEN A FUN... THIS HASBEEN A FUN STORY I'VE BEEN

FOLLOWING ON REDDIT FOR THE PASTCOUPLE DAYS-- SOME POOR, DRUNK

POKEMON AFFICIONADO GOT A TATTOOOF CHARMANDER ON THEIR STOMACH,

AND IT WOULD SEEM THAT THEARTIST TOOK SOME CREATIVE

LIBERTIES.

THERE WE GO, UH...

EMPHASIS ON THE "CHARRED".

UH, THIS OF COURSE MADE WAVES INREDDIT'S EVER-THRIVING POKEMON

COMMUNITY, WITH ONE REDDITERPOSTING, "I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT

I DIGITIZED THIS GUY'S SHITTYCHARMANDER TATTOO."

BUT IT'S ACTUALLY BASED ON THISPOSTER BY ARTIST HATBOY, WHO WAS

CHANNELING TIM BURTON, ALLRIGHT?

THAT'S PRETTY RAD.

UH, THIS LOOKS WAY BETTER AS APOSTER THAN ON A PALE FLESH

CANVAS.

UH, BUT THE CHARMANDER THINGSNOWBALLED, SO THEN ANOTHER

REDDITER WROTE, "I DON'T KNOWWHY, BUT I PUT THAT SHITTY

CHARMANDER TATTOO ON A T-SHIRT."

UH, THERE IT IS.

AND NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUTI'M PUTTING THAT SHITTY

CHARMANDER ON TV.

AND NEXT UP, SOME FILM EXECUTIVEWILL BE SAYING, "I DON'T KNOW

WHY, BUT I'M MAKING THIS SHITTYCHARMANDER TATTOO INTO A MOVIE."

SO COMEDIANS, WHAT WOULD A MOVIESTARRING THIS CHARMANDER BE

CALLED?

RICH FULCHER.

>> UM...

CHARMANDERS ON A PLANE.

I WANT THOSE MOTHERFUCKINGCHARMANDERS OFF THE

MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

JUST DON'T BRING YOUR POKEMONSTARTER PACK ON A PLANE, AND

THAT'S EASY TO SOLVE.

RHYS DARBY.

>> I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S GOING ON,CHRIS.

>> HARDWICK: WAIT A MINUTE.

TO BE FAIR, CHARMANDER SOUNDSLIKE SOME FUCKING WEIRD THING

THAT WOULD BE IN NEW ZEALAND.

>> AH, RIGHT.

LIKE THE HOBBIT.

>> HARDWICK: YES.

>> OKAY, AH, YEAH.

WELL, HE'S GOT RINGS ON HISTAIL.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> THE-THE RING-TAILED FIRE...

CHARMANDER FROM...

WELLINGTON.

>> HARDWICK: YES, OKAY, GOOD.

>> STRIKES BACK!

>> HARDWICK: I'LL GIVE YOU...

I'LL GIVE YOU 100 POINTS FORTHAT.

>> HOW'S THAT?

>> HARDWICK: THAT WAS AMAZING.

>> CHRIS, BY THE WAY...

>> HARDWICK: WHAT?

>> THAT'S... YOU SAID SHITTYCHARMANDER, BUT THAT COULD ALSO

BE SLUTTY CHARMANDER.

>> HARDWICK: AAH, FUCK ME!

FUCK ME!

>> DON'T SLUT SHAME THECHARMANDER, MAN.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S NOW TIME TOPLAY ANGRY OLDE ENGLAND.

ANGRY OLDE ENGLAND.

UK NEWSPAPERS ARE ALMOST ASDEPRESSING AS THE WEATHER.

ALMOST EVERY STORY SEEMS LIKE ITWAS WRITTEN BY MORRISSEY AFTER A

CODEINE BINGE.

THE BLOG "ANGRY PEOPLE IN THELOCAL NEWSPAPER" CATALOGUES THE

SADDEST SUBJECTS OF THE CROWN.

WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU SOME BLEAKBRITS FROM THE BLOG AND FOR 250

POINTS YOU HAVE TO GIVE US THEHEADLINE FROM THE STORY THAT

ACCOMPANIES IT.

FIRST ONE, THIS BUMMED BUNCH.

THIS BUMMED BUNCH.

(BELL DINGS)RICH.

>> THE QUEUE'S ALREADY FORMINGFOR "FAST & FURIOUS 8".

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

YUP, POINTS.

TIM.

>> LOCAL THEATRE GROUP STAGESRARE REVIVAL OF "ONE DALMATIAN".

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

RHYS DARBY.

>> UH, "DOWNTON ABBEY" JUMPS THESHARK WITH 80S FLASHFORWARD.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NEXT ONE, THIS VISION OFCHRISTMAS CHEERLESSNESS.

RIGHT THERE.

SO UPBEAT.

(BELL DINGS)RHYS.

>> UH, MAN KILLS FAMILY WITHWRAPPING PAPER RIFLE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

YEAH, POINTS.

RICH FULCHER.

>> ♪ I'M A WRAPPER NEAR ACHRISTMAS TREE...♪

THAT'S ALL I GOT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

TIM.

>> UM, MUSICIAN ANDPHILANTHROPIST DONATES OBOE

COLLECTION TO CHRISTMAS CHARITY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NEXT ONE, THIS CRAFTY PAIR.

WHAT ABOUT THESE TWO?

I'M ALREADY HAUNTED BY THEM.

(BELL DINGS)RICH.

>> SAME-SEX MARRIAGE NOWEXPANDED TO BAG OF RICE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

UH, TIM.

>> GIRL WITH EMBARRASSING BODYHAIR GIVES DRIED MAC AND CHEESE

TO BOY GEORGE.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

POINTS.

RHYS DARBY.

>> PAUL BLART'S SISTERS...

COLLECT A BAG OF HIS DRIED COME.

>> HARDWICK: OF COURSE, YEAH.

>> BIT ON THE NOSE.

>> YEAH, YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: HOPEFULLY, NO.

HOPEFULLY IT'S ALL IN THE BAG.

UH, POINTS.

LAST ONE, THESE SCHOOL CHUMS.

LOOK AT THAT.

(BELL DINGS)RHYS.

>> DARBY, NEW ZEALAND.

S...

THAT'S WHAT WE SAY IN NEWZEALAND.

YOU ALWAYS SAY YOUR SURNAME ANDTHEN WHERE YOU'RE FROM.

AND THEN YOU CAN SPEAK.

>> HARDWICK: SO EVERYONE...

EVERY NEW ZEALAND NATIVE REMINDSOTHER NEW ZEALAND NATIVES THAT

THEY'RE FROM NEW ZEALAND?

>> YEAH, WHEN YOU MEET EACHOTHER, YOU G-GIVE YOUR NAME--

DARBY-- AND THEN YOUR... WHATTOWN YOU'RE FROM.

FOR ME, AUCKLAND, OR, IF YOUCAN'T REMEMBER, OR IF YOU'VE

MOVED A LOT, JUST NEW ZEALAND.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> THEN I'LL RESPOND AND THENYOU HAVE A BIT OF A... A TALK.

>> HARDWICK: OH, EXCELLENT.

THAT'S-THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW WHENI... SO IF I...

>> AND YOU WALK AWAY AND YOUKEEP THINKING, "OH, WHERE WAS HE

FROM?

OH, I'LL MEET HIM AGAIN."

>> HARDWICK: DARBY, OF NEWZEALAND.

>> YES.

YES, CHRIS.

SCHOOLCHILDREN PUSH STEPHENHAWKING THROUGH WORMHOLE TO

ANOTHER DIMENSION.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

SO... BUT...

>> IT LATER... IT LATER TURNSOUT IT WASN'T...

IF YOU PAN OUT, HE'S JUST ON THEFLOOR.

IN... IN THE HALLWAY, YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S JUST A WINDOW.

IT'S JUST A WINDOW.

YEAH, 'CAUSE I WAS-I WAS KIND OFWONDERING WITH THAT STORY,

THEY'RE BASICALLY, UH, TAKING APICTURE FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF

THE DIMENSION.

>> THEY ARE-- THAT'S STEPHENHAWKING TAKING A PICTURE BACK.

HE'S... I DON'T KNOW HOW HE'SDONE IT, BUT HE'S TURNED AROUND,

YOU KNOW?

>> IT'S AMAZING.

>> AND HE'S... AND HE'S TAKING APICTURE OF... OF OUR WORLD.

AND WE-WE'VE LOST HIM NOW,BUT HE'S MADE IT-- HE'S FINALLY

FOUND TIME TRAVEL.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, HE'S...

EVERYTHING'S FINE, OKAY, GOOD.

>> HARDWICK: IT'S TIME FORRIP.GOV.

RIP.GOV.

IF THERE'S ONE THING THE U.S.

GOVERNMENT IS GREAT AT IT'S THEINTERNET.

FOR INSTANCE, THIS AMAZING TREATFROM USA.GOV, "I AM WORKING AT

USA.GOV."

YOU SURE ARE.

GIZMODO TURNED US ON TO A LISTOF TOTALLY REAL, TOTALLY DEFUNCT

.GOV WEB SITES THAT SOMEONE INTHE TOP BRASS THOUGHT WOULD BE

HELPFUL FOR AMERICANS.

SITES LIKE COULDIHAVELUPUS.GOV,FRUITSANDVEGGIESMOREMATTERS.GOV,

AND OF COURSE GIRLPOWER.GOV,WHERE APPARENTLY YOU CAN MAKE A

DONATION TO YOUR LOCAL SPICEGIRL.

COMEDIANS, I WOULD LIKE YOU TOCOME UP WITH SOME EVEN MORE

ABSURD GOVERNMENT WEB SITES IN60 SECONDS.

AND BEGIN.

(BELL DINGS)TIM.

>> LET'S PUT THE ERNMENT BACK INGOVERNMENT.GOV.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS).GOV. RHYS.

>> HOW TO OVERTHROW THE.GOV.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)TIM.

>> ELLO GOV.GOV.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)YEAH, THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT

DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS THAT.

RICH.

>> HILLARY'S LOST EMAILS JUSTKIDDING.GOV.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)RHYS.

>> TRIPLE DEER SEX.GOV.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)TIM.

>> I HAVE A THIRD NIPPLE AM I AWITCH.GOV.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)RICH.

>> PELOSI SHARTING.GOV.

(BELL DINGS)>> HARDWICK: TIM.

>> DOES SCIENTOLOGY MAKE YOUSHORT.GOV.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)RHYSIE DARBY.

>> UH, THE ILLUMINATI AREREPTILIANS THE PYRAMIDS ARE

SPACESHIPS WATCH OUT GUYS.GOV.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)RHYS.

>> TOP SECRET SECRET SERVICECOCKTAIL RECIPES AND HOOKER

ADVICE.GOV.

(BUZZER SOUNDS)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

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