I am going to be sentenced to the StairMaster ring of Dante's 'Inferno,' where I have to get on a StairMaster, and they're going to tape my feet to the pedals. And I realize that StairMaster time is, in fact, the slowest increment of time known to man. It just hangs there. And the only music I get is Michael Bolton, karaoke-style, from a drunken secretary on margarita night.
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