I don't have a big penis, and you know what -- I don't want one. I don't need one. I'm good with my discreet penis. It's been mine all my life. I know exactly how to use it. I know its strengths; I know its weaknesses. It's compact, but it handles the road, you know. And it gets great gas mileage, and it has a sun roof and power locks. Anyway, just imagine a warrior, the deadliest warrior in the world, but he's only deadly with a dagger. Doesn't matter the size of your weapon if you're deadly. What I'm trying to say is, ladies, just let me come at you with my dagger. I promise I will slay thee.
Watch highlights from season one and find out why that's great news.
Get full episodes of your favorite shows on the Comedy Central app.
Unlimited streams and downloads of the best Comedy Central specials.
Stream hours of the best clips from our huge stand-up library on your iPhone or iPad for free.