Lillian and the Terrible, Horrible, S**tty F**king Day

It wasn't one of her best.

Some days are good. Some days are bad. But Lillian has just had a terrible, horrible, s**tty f**king day.
It all started at her wedding. Lillian was meant to marry a very nice (and very, very rich) man named Laverne.

But Laverne was too old to survive the march down the aisle, and he died. Oh, drat!

As if that weren’t bad enough, Laverne’s handsome grandson stood at the very same altar to marry Lillian’s sister, Hortense. Fiddlesticks! Lillian could already tell that today would be a terrible, horrible, s**tty f**king day.
Lillian tried to make herself feel better by helping herself to some of her favorite treats, like cocaine wine, cigarettes and taffy.

It looked like maybe her terrible, horrible, s**tty f**king day was turning around. Hooray!

Then her sister Beatrice showed up and told her that she’d go to Hell if she didn’t stop. Oh, brother! She even threw all of Lillian’s taffy on the floor. Shoot! It’s a good thing Lillian’s hammered, otherwise this terrible, horrible, s**tty f**king day would be too much to bear. Chin up, Lil! Tomorrow might be better (but probably not).