The Battle for Lillian’s Soul

That is, if she actually has a soul anyway.

Fire and brimstone. Torture and suffering. Speaking with poor people. These are but a few of the terrible fates awaiting Lillian in Hell if she doesn’t change her sinful ways. Will Sister Beatrice be able to save Lillian’s eternal soul before it’s too late?–satan
Bursting into a local watering hole, Beatrice finds her sister drunk and corrupted by “Mr. S” himself: Satan. Beatrice quickly develops a plan to stop Lillian’s wicked ways and uses her hatchet to destroy every bottle in the bar. Unfortunately, her righteous mission hits a snag when Lillian whacks her head on a table, possibly killing her instantly. Whoops!
With no other choice, Beatrice carries Lillian to the abbey, appealing to the heavens to revive her sister. Of course, that doesn’t work, so she destroys the place. Only then does she find Lillian awaking from her slumber. Was it God? No. As it turns out, the scent of cash trumps divine intervention when it comes to reviving a Bellacourt.

So while Beatrice didn’t actually end up saving Lillian’s soul, she did save her from something far worse: a lifetime of boring, asexual piety. Hell schmell — Lillian can worry about that later.