If Movies Were Truer to Life

Listen up, Hollywood.

Chappelle’s Show has always kept it real, from true stories of Prince’s basketball-and-breakfast hangs to making more honest iMac commercials. But the place where Dave really breaks down fact from fiction is his more believable versions of popular movies. In the real world, romantic comedies aren’t contrived, and apocalyptic dramas have a lot more boobs.

True love can survive anything — except new strange. If this 90s hit happened in the real world, Demi Moore’s character would meet someone, get some and forget all about her dead husband.

“Half Baked”
Even though Dave was in the original movie, he didn’t find certain aspects of the plot to be particularly life-like. The potheads’ plan for getting a friend out of prison? In the real world, it would be much less plotting, much more sitting around and smoking weed.

“The Matrix”
It would be a lot more believable if Morpheus wasn’t actually an inspirational leader but in fact a fellow corporate drone playing a prank on his colleague. Also, more farting. There’d definitely be more farting.

“Pretty Woman”
The “prostitute with a heart of gold meets a millionaire” story wouldn’t have quite the same fairy tale ending, especially if the pretty woman in question used her sad financial history as pillow talk.

“Deep Impact”
Years before “Thanks, Obama” became the rally cry of Americans blaming a black president for pretty much anything negative, Dave knew that the president in “Deep Impact” (Morgan Freeman) would be blamed for the impending, life-destroying asteroid. And of course, he would reveal all of the secrets the government had been hiding. Wouldn’t you?