How to Pretend You’re a Member of the Upper Class

If you’re a lowly servant looking to sample the finer things, here's a handy guide.

Are you a filthy servant of little to no redeeming value to society? Have you ever dreamed of a life filled with diamond necklaces, cocaine wine and basic human rights? It’s your lucky day. With this handy guide, you’ll be able to trick those you serve into thinking you’re one of them, if only for a few hours.

CASE STUDY 1: BLANCHE
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/3eljt7/another-period-beatrice-s-best-friend–blanche
First, notice how Blanche is barely covering her maid’s uniform. As it turns out, you don’t have to put any effort into your appearance to appeal to the upper class, aside from wearing a single expensive piece of clothing. Because your masters have never really looked at you before, you already have the perfect disguise: being born poor.

Second, learn to disparage the underclass with confidence. To make sure you’re not caught, go after your friends and peers with a viciousness that should never be visited upon another person. (Fortunately, servants don’t exactly qualify as “people.”)

CASE STUDY 2: MR. PEEPERS
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/weim06/another-period-the-commodore-s-world-order
Remember to adopt the philosophies of the wealthy — particularly the doctrine that servants are lazy scum that will destory the planet if not kept in check. It helps if, like Peepers, you buy into this belief yourself. Coupled with a good, old-fashioned table slap, this will throw everyone else off your scent.

Continue to do all these things until you slip up and are either fired or thrown back into the basement. No matter what happens, we think you’ll find it was well worth your while to spend even a couple hours as a member of high society. …Or you’ll be horribly depressed because you now know there’s a better life out there that you’ll never be able to have for yourself. Either way.