Football Night Football

(Because we couldn't call it by its actual name without getting sued.)

It’s finally fall, and you know what that means: Football is back, baby! Time to celebrate! If you’ve got friends, party with some wings and your favorite non-copyright-infringing football team. If you own a college team, celebrate with a few violations of U.S. labor laws. And if only you have the internet, get pumped with Key & Peele.
What’s every true fan’s favorite thing about football? Touchdown celebrations, of course. There is no other answer. Don’t ask anyone to try and refute this.
A new year, a new batch of players. Learn ’em. Love ’em. Memorize the name “Eeee Eeeeee.” Scream it in the fog of night, or you’re not a real fan.
Calling it now: In five years, absolutely everyone will be wearing a jersey that says “POOPSIE.”
As we grow older, the sports heroes of our day will begin to define our youth. Someday, we’ll get to tell our children that we lived in a golden age — the age of Triple Parakeet-Shoes.
Oh, also, the league covered up widespread brain injuries. Still a fun game, though!