Dating Deal-Breakers

They'll do anything for love, but they won't do that.

When it comes to dating, we all have our hard noes, like people who wear flip-flops year-round or are way too into mini golf. But what makes Abbi and Ilana kick somebody to the curb — or get dumped themselves?

After Ilana had a steamy hookup with a hot guy she met at a bar, she made the mistake of seeing him do improv. As she watched him continually tag out his female teammates to make horrible jokes, Ilana realized she couldn’t sleep with him…too many more times.

When Ilana first spotted her doppelganger, she thought she’d met her dream girl. And just as their similarities were starting to creep her out, one important difference tore them apart: their feelings about Ilana’s beloved marijuana.

Abbi finally got a shot at her crush Jeremy — and he wanted her to take some jabs at his butthole with a prosthetic penis. Like any empowered woman would, she strapped one on and gave pegging her best thrust. In the end, it was Jeremy’s uptight bourgeois materialism that sent her running, taking her mid-priced sex toy with her.

While on their way to a wedding out of town, Abbi and her handsome date really hit it off. Alas, it was only their second rendezvous — way too soon to face the ultimate test of a relationship: Penn Station. It’s a place so gross it could reasonably be blamed for at least half of all New York City divorces.