Supping with the Bellacourts

Cuisine with a side of cruelty.

Fine dining in turn-of-the-century Newport, RI, is an activity best suited for the monetarily rich and the morally bankrupt. No wonder the Bellacourts — America’s favorite family of wealthy sociopaths — are such pros at it. Let’s look at some of their culinary staples and breathe a sigh of relief that today’s insanely rich have more traditional tastes (we think).

ORTOLAN
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/6f9ukq/another-period-proper-ortolan-preparation
Ah, the ortolan: a dish so decadent and so arbitrarily evil that the recipe is indistinguishable from a torture manual. While birds cooked for the common folk may feature plebeian seasonings like rosemary or lemon, this luxurious fowl is flavored with the fear of its impending death. How deliciously disturbing.

HALIBUT (FOR DOGS)
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/o9gudj/another-period-trying-the-halibut
There’s nothing inherently wrong with serving halibut. It’s even fine (albeit eccentric) to serve halibut to your dog during an elaborate canines-only dinner party. But to throw away halibut because its pedigree is not up to snuff for your bow-wow is perhaps the purest and most infuriating decadence of all.

COCAINE WINE
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/0x1f6t/another-period-too-much-cocaine-wine
Aperitif, digestif — you can drink your wine anytime when it’s chock full of the era’s favorite medicinal supplement: cocaine. And while cocaine wine is readily available to the masses, only people like the Bellacourts have the coffers to buy and drink it in such quantity. Whatever else is on the menu, sleep sure as hell isn’t. Luckily for the Bellacourts, it doesn’t matter if they’re well rested the next day. It’s not like they have work in the morning.