The Drunk History Guide to Fame

You'll need a bear, for one.

Celebrity has its ups and downs. You live under constant scrutiny, sure, but you might have a cool best friend like Ella Fitzgerald or Marilyn Monroe. (Hell, you might be one of those people.) And if you’re really lucky, you might be a bear-owning waterfall jumper.

If you find yourself suddenly famous, always remember the two most important rules of stardom:

  • GET A BEAR

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    As comedian-slash-drunk-historian Nick Rutherford says, getting a bear was just how famous people operated in the old days. It’s not quite as common in the 21st century, but that’s all the more reason to do it. Plenty of stars have fancy cars with shiny hubcaps, but how many show up on the red carpet with a bear as their plus-one?

  • HELP OUT YOUR FRIENDS AND STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

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    This is just as important as the bear thing — maybe more. Legendary singer Ella Fitzgerald got her big break with help from Hollywood icon Marilyn Monroe. Both women found themselves unfairly pigeonholed by the entertainment industry, but Marilyn helped Ella fight racial discrimination to become the household name she was always meant to be. To quote Ella: Boom.