Are You as Hard as Wayne Brady?

Let's examine this scientifically.—uncensored
In this world, there is one simple truth: Some of us are hard, but most of us are not. To the untrained eye, TV’s Wayne Brady appears to be one of the latter.

“Surely,” you say haughtily, “Surely I am at least harder than TV’s beloved Wayne Brady of ’Let’s Make a Deal’ and ’Whose Line Is It Anyway?’ fame.”

But before you jump to conclusions, consider the following:
• Do you instill fear in your enemies merely by rolling up in your SUV?
• Is said SUV equipped with a novelty mariachi-style horn?
• Do you possess a gaze as steely as it is cold?
• Are you a literal, honest-to-goodness pimp?
• Do you dispatch your enemies with the same casual disdain you use to flick a fly off your shoulder?

If you answered no to any of the above queries, we have some bad news for you: You’re nowhere near as hard as beloved TV host Wayne Brady. Move along.