How to Plan a Killer Party

Make sure your guests have an ameezing time.

Planning a party is like performing surgery: If everything doesn’t go perfectly, lives are at risk. OK, it’s not that serious (unless you’re supposed to perform at a yogurt water release party and can’t sing like you promised everyone). But even if the details aren’t life threatening, they are important to your reputation and your ability to thrive in society. Follow these steps so that you don’t become your social circle’s latest pariah.

Invite Impressive Guests—liz-g–on-the-red-carpet
Everyone knows that the most important part of every soiree is spotting and talking about the famous guests roaming around, so you better have some. If you can’t get an A-lister like Adele, at least try and snag one of the stars of “Pawnsylvania” to rock your step-and-repeat.

Serve Fancy Food—dunch
Rich Dicks Wendy and Aspen know that you can’t serve a party crowd pigs in a blanket and stale tortilla chips. Step up your food game by hiring a famous chef who will do things like go truffle hunting or burn his arms off in liquid nitrogen. Nothing impresses guests like visual fanfare accompanying their food.

Play Killer Music–broin–country—ft–senor-feeture-
The first and only song you need to play? Bobby Bottleservice + Peter Paparazzo + a pickup truck + bedazzled cowboy hats = a country hit that will get everyone dancing, even Senor Feeture.

Dress to Impress
Don’t just look good — look like dis. Dis, in this case, is leopard-print-bodysuit-rocking Farley. What are you going to wear to a party, a stupid turtleneck? No. Now is the time for a feather vest and metallic hot pants.

Whatever You Do, Don’t Invite These Two–hello—a-heart-to-heart-with-dr–neuringer
Trust us.