How to Contribute to Thanksgiving Even if You’re a Terrible Cook

Note: Your "delightful company" doesn't count as an offering.

Your great-aunt’s weird date may have shown up empty-handed, but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable for you to. Be classy for once in your life and bring one of the following:

  1. Side Dishes

    The turkey’s the star of the show. The rest of the table, though, is up for grabs. Stuffing and sweet potato casserole are the obvious staples, so branch out. Blow some minds and bring something unexpected, like collard greens, stork ankles or a bowl of plump mosquitoes for hors d’oeuvres.

  2. Refreshments

    Not everyone has an inner Julia Child (or even an inner Chef Boyardee), and that’s OK. There’s still a niche for the culinarily challenged to fill: buying the copious amounts of booze that make tolerating family possible. In other words, offer to bring a bottle of wine or shake up a seasonal cocktail by serving a cranberry martini or a gravy gimlet. Or depending on how wild your fellow thanksgivers are, just say f**k it and grab a jug of hooch.

  3. Post-Meal Activities

    Most Thanksgiving meals start on the early side, leaving revelers with some time on their hands when dinner finally ends. We recommend arriving with a low-key activity that will let everyone digest. Pack your favorite board game or strap your lawnboat to the top of your car – assuming, of course, there won’t be any riffraff present to scuff it up.

Happy feasting! And remember: While no one will say anything if you stuff your pockets with leftovers, it’s still frowned upon.