Everyone knows the old line, “There’s no place like home for the holidays.” That’s probably because home is the only place that’s a stressful prison full of family members, cream-based alcoholic beverages and regifted argyle socks that need to go back to the bargain bin from whence they came. Lucky for us all, Chappelle’s Show knows how to make that trip home as painless as possible.
UPGRADE YOUR FLIGHT
The first leg of every trip home is family-free, but that doesn’t mean it’s painless. The cramped seating, the lack of snacks, the inevitable screaming baby — these are just the tip of the nightmare iceberg that is sitting in coach. Do yourself a favor and upgrade to first class. There are plenty of people judging each other up there, too; but at least it’s quiet.
DOWN SOME LIQUID ENERGY
Once you’re back in the house you grew up in, you’re going to be bombarded with questions about how you’re doing, how work is going, what’s new in your dating life and whether you remembered to call Aunt Carol on her birthday. You’ll need a pick-me-up to survive, so why not take a page from Tyrone Biggums and down some Red Balls Energy Drink?
GO SEE YOUR FRIENDS
Your hometown has more than just your parents, your cousins and the last remaining video-rental store in the country — it also has your friends from high school. Nothing erases the memories of a lunch spent watching your great uncle chew chicken salad than a dudes’ night out! So round up your buddies and hit the town (but not each other).
HEAD TO THE MOVIES
When you’re tired of unwrapping presents, eating and explaining Snapchat to your 70-year-old aunt, opt for the tried-and-true holiday tradition of seeing a movie together. Movies are great, because it’s two hours of no one talking. If you need a recommendation, consult Mooney on Movies. His spot-on reviews will make picking a film for the family as easy as pie — by which we mean the leftover pie you’ll scarf down drunkenly in the middle of the night later.