A Guide to Hip-Hop Stardom

Jordan and Keegan know what it takes to become a master MC.

People assume becoming an internationally renowned rapping genius is easy. And it is — as long as you follow Key & Peele’s simple rules.

  • Never Admit to a Crime Through Song

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    Nothing derails a music career faster than committing murder and then confessing to that murder on a multi-platinum album. Remember, more time in jail means less time in the studio.

  • Define Yourself as an Artist

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    Are you a socially conscious street poet or a cartoonish goofball who raps about titties? Either way, you should probably stay out of the other’s music videos.

  • Pick the Right Hype Man

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    There’s a fine line between “supportive hype man” and “insane person who needs to be euthanized.” Make sure the people in your crew fall on the right side. (Just give a quick RAAARGHHH!! if you understand.)

  • Know How to Handle the Press

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    Now that you’re a celebrity, gossip journalists will hound you nonstop. But when an interviewer pries into your personal life, it’s important to know when to walk away — no matter how physically awkward it ends up being.

  • Don’t Let Age Stand in Your Way

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    Turns out middle-aged moms can rap. Now, get out there and put the pussy on the chainwax.