Starting a business is hard in any climate, but it’s particularly hard in a saturated market and a struggling economy. Fortunately, South Park is home to a large tribe of business and intimate apparel experts, known as the “underwear gnomes,” who have a foolproof method for growing the revenue of any small business. So grab a seat, shut your mouth and listen up, because underpants gnome business school is in session.
STEP 1: COLLECT UNDERPANTS
Now, depending on what your business is, it may not seem like you would need to collect underpants. You are wrong. In fact, the majority of your time should be spent collecting underpants. Collect them from anyone — your parents, your friends, your professor, the pizza guy, whomever. If you have to close your business down for months at a time to do this, so be it. Again, the goal isn’t to overthink why you have to do this; the goal is to keep collecting underpants.
STEP 2: ?
STEP 3: PROFIT
Here’s where all your hard work pays off. Thanks to all the underpants you collected, you now get to rake in the cash. Just sit back, keep refreshing your online banking account, and watch the cash flow in. You did it. And it was all thanks to underpants. Make sense? Great.
That concludes today’s lesson — and coincidentally, the entire curriculum. This is probably a good time to say we don’t give out refunds, and we’ve already collected your underpants from your bedroom as payment. Our commencement ceremony is at 3 PM this Saturday.