Crowded parties. Expensive nightclubs. A giant glittery ball descending atop a skyscraper. Thousands of people standing around in the cold with limited bathroom access, all harboring the shared delusion that the passing of time means anything at all. Why would anyone subject themselves to the horrors of going out on New Year’s Eve when they could stay in? You don’t need much to plan the perfect evening — just some drinks, tunes and a little indoor streaking.
LOAD UP ON BOOZE
“Less is more” doesn’t apply when it comes to stocking up on alcohol to celebrate the end of a disastrous year. Sure, you could buy a case of beer, but you’d be better off making like Adam, Ders and Blake, and just lifting the inventory of an entire brewery. That should (hopefully) last you until at least 12:01 AM.
PLAY SOME HIP TUNES
Nothing rings in a low-key, at-home New Year like some festive music playing as the clock strikes midnight. Relax on the couch with a drink, and put on a classic holiday song like “Auld Lang Syne” or Gelmania’s “An Act of Disrespect.”
CUDDLE UP WITH FURRY FRIENDS
Small talk sucks. No one wants to mingle at a party and find out what their acquaintance got for Christmas, or listen to an ex go on and on about her honeymoon in Tahiti when you’ve already seen the pictures on Instagram. You know who won’t bore you to tears with stupid conversations? Dogs and cats.
SAVOR YOUR ALONE TIME
You’re drunk. You’re relaxed. You’re home alone on the biggest night out of the year. Time to turn up the Lady Gaga and strip down to your birthday suit. Usher in 2017 by putting your best foot — and also every other body part — forward. Just cover your dog’s eyes first. He’s very impressionable.