The Art of Sophisticated Conversation

Don't show up to your next party without something to talk about.

The most important part of belonging to high society (besides employing small children) is the ability to create meaningful conversation. From major balls to intimate dinner parties, true aristocrats know exactly which topics are appropriate for public discussion — unless, of course, they’ve had too much cocaine wine.

Inflexible devotion to your personal dietary code is not only sophisticated, it makes for interesting conversation. Whether your dog refuses to eat halibut from Maine or you require all vegetables to be coated in gold leaf, make sure to voice your concerns to whatever under-people are responsible for feeding you.

The state of the world is the responsibility of the rich, so naturally, politics and class are an excellent topic for open discussion. Nothing creates a more sparkling discussion than vehemently supporting the importance of the serving class.

Everyone loves a good parlor trick. Sitting, standing and begging are all truly impressive moves for even the most well-behaved child servant. Celebrate their good work by denying them the quadruple berry birthday cake everyone else is enjoying.

When in doubt, just make it all about you. It’s the most aristocratic topic there is.