Setting the Valentine’s Day Mood

When just candles won't cut it.

Ah, St. Valentine’s Day: the most romantic holiday of the year, second only to Columbus Day. If you’re planning on a super sexy night with that special someone, you can’t just wing it. This isn’t the presidency — you need to actually prepare.

If you remember to follow our advice while prepping for your night of passion, you’ll be drooling onto your pillow next to your true love before you know it.

  • Clean the Place Up

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    Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a messy home. OK, that’s not completely true. There are other things that kill the mood, like crows or the sudden appearance of a dead body. But a nice, clean apartment will show your amour that you’re taking tonight seriously. And look, if you have to clean your apartment by hiring two half-clothed ladies from Craigslist to do it… well, that’s OK, too.

  • Dress Super Sexy

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    Step up your style game to woo your woman by taking a page from the sexiest actor/tax evader in the world: Wesley Snipes. Blake, Adam and Ders know that the quickest way to do this is to head to your nearest Costco for the signature hat and oversized jacket.

  • Choose the Right Entertainment

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    Everyone knows that “come over and watch a movie” is code for “let’s try and get through the credits before we start aggressively making out all night.” But that smooth move won’t work if you make an awkward movie selection. Avoid torture porn, social documentaries and anything where a dog wins a sporting event. Trust us.

  • Carbo Load

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    You’re going to need it for the, ahem, active night ahead of you.