Playtime is over, people. These are the quarter-finals in the only March bracket that matters — the one that will decide definitively what is the greatest Donald Trump tweet of all time (barring the impossible event of him tweeting anything insane in the future, of course).
Roy Wood Jr. and Hasan Minhaj stacked up the competition. Now let’s take a deeper dive into the tweets to watch as the third round of voting continues.
Both of these heavy hitters get points for being terrifying. Incompetence isn’t included in the constitutional grounds for impeachment, which Trump himself definitely knows as a guy who has totally read the Constitution. If it were, it’s unlikely that a Republican-controlled Congress would go against a member of its own party — even if he happened to be, say, so inept as to undermine his own initiatives. So we’re stuck with him. Then again, if impeachment won’t save us from Trump, maybe the increasingly volatile climate he refuses to acknowledge will put us all out of our misery.
Trump’s brazen attacks on national treasure Bette Midler have advanced through the ranks, but they face some stiff competition from his equally misogynistic dig at Arianna Huffington. Whichever tweet wins, at least we can all agree that nobody respects women more than Donald Trump.
Speaking of people The Donald hates (and oh, there are many), let’s talk about Mitt Romney, the ex-presidential candidate Trump publicly humiliated by pretending like he’d ever, ever, EVER pick him to be Secretary of State. Trump’s sheer persistence in attacking Romney gives this tweet legs, but it may meet its match when it goes up against his baseless wiretapping allegations. If the infamous “tapp” tweet does have an edge, it’s because it’s so damn topical.
This head-to-head is a personal favorite. There’s just so much on display: Trump’s strange and complex sympathy for the haters and losers, his holistic misunderstanding of what constitutes racism, his obsession with television. No matter which comes out on top, this is one for the history books.