Relationship Do’s and Don’ts

Learn from Meegan, Andre and many more.

No one ever said that being in a relationship is easy. It’s like walking a tightrope, where there’s the constant danger of falling off and accidentally revealing your true personality; you have to make sure that you maintain your balance. Check out these tips to take your relationship IQ to the next level.

  • DO: RECOGNIZE THE WARNING SIGNS OF SOCIOPATHY

    Here they are: Meegan and Andre, the ultimate cautionary tale of dating. They’ve had lots of upsetting (link: http://www.cc.com/video-clips/ymj65b/key-and-peele-come-back–meegan) interactions (link: http://www.cc.com/video-clips/c4krrb/key-and-peele-fighting-meegan-s-battles) over the course of their toxic romance. But their first date may be the worst, if only because it was Andre’s best chance to avoid making the biggest mistake of his life. Learn from his example. Teach yourself to recognize soullessness and bloodlust in the eyes of your potential partner. It may be your only hope.

  • DON’T: HAVE DIFFERING LEVELS OF COMMITMENT

    This is a relationship killer. There’s nothing wrong with casual flings, but if one of you is picking out wedding venues while the other is still pretty lukewarm, it’s a recipe for disaster. Even if it’s a historic day for civil rights, ask yourself, “Do I really want to get married on a cloud with this person?”

  • DO: UNDERSTAND AND RESPECT YOUR PARTNER’S BIOLOGICAL FUNCTIONS

    There’s really nothing to add. Listen to T-Ray Tombstone and Shaboots Michaels, and memorize their every word.

  • DON’T: BE A BLOWHARD

    It’s good to be worldly; many people find it attractive. What they don’t find attractive is you lying about your familiarity with a different language and culture. If you can’t understand what the waiter tells you at a French restaurant, fess up right away. It’s better than having a date end the way this guy’s does.

  • DO: GET TO KNOW THEIR FAMILY

    This is especially important if you’re serious enough to be planning a wedding. And while your partner’s family may not immediately understand certain things, what matters is that they make a good-faith effort to embrace you as one of their own. (They should also ask you before throwing any Skittles.)