It’s May, so the days are longer, the weather is warmer, and the flowers reach to the sky to herald that most sacrosanct summer tradition: the annual deluge of mediocre Hollywood action movies. Don’t get us wrong — we love action movies, when they’re good. But you can only see the same Hollywood A-lister save the world (using a plot eerily similar to the one from his last movie) so many times.
So if you want a shot of action without that 30-year-old-TV-remake feeling, you can save yourself money and time with these sketches from Key & Peele. Keegan and Jordan didn’t just parody the conventions of the genre — they reconstructed them with love and care. These clips will satisfy any mood, like, say:
WHEN YOU WANT RETRO S**T
The 1980s and 90s: The decades you already know and love. But did you know they have an enduring legacy beyond the rise of Madonna and neon slap bracelets? It’s true! As any Steven Seagal superfan can attest, action movies from that era have a style all their own, and “Strike Force Eagle 3: The Reckoning” totally nails it.
WHEN YOU WANT TO USE THE WORD “GRIZZLED”
Here’s a surefire sign that s**t is about to get real: A retired military guy shows up, and he doesn’t want back in the game — until he totally does. It is optional that this guy lives in the woods and has a big beard, but it’s strongly preferred.
WHEN YOU WANT ALIENS…AND METAPHORS
A really good action movie doesn’t just have explosions, though the explosions are important. A really good action movie has a point. Sure, sometimes that point is “explosions rock,” but other times it’s something larger and more subversive.
WHEN YOU WANT A F**KING ICON
The man, the legend, Liam Neesons. In the course of his balls-to-the-wall action career, starring in such classics of any ’splosion junkie’s DVD collection as “Taken” and “Husbands and Wives,” Liam Neesons always brings it — and brings it hard.