Amy Schumer and Wanda Sykes have big plans on the day they’re promoting their new movie — but things go off the rails when Amy fears she’s about to get kidnapped, “Taken”-style. Here are four ways you could find yourself in a similar disaster. You know, assuming that’s what you’re into. We don’t judge.
1. GET HAMMERED WITH STRANGERS
This has got danger written all over it. If you don’t exercise caution when drinking with strangers in unfamiliar surroundings, you automatically make yourself vulnerable — especially if those people are dentists, partying at a convention. They simply can’t be trusted.
2. GIVE COPIES OF YOUR ROOM KEY TO RANDOM PEOPLE
OK, so getting drunk with strangers is one thing. But giving them the ability to enter your room at any hour of the night is just asking for trouble. You might as well be wearing a sign that says, “Kidnap me!” Which is actually way more efficient than getting the front desk to make all those key copies.
3. FOCUS ON USELESS FACTS
If you’re in danger of being kidnapped, it’s not the time to brag about having safe sex. Still, congrats on that.
4. PUNCH YOUR KIDNAPPER’S FOOT WHILE HIDING UNDER THE BED
We can’t stress what a bad idea this is — particularly if the kidnapper hasn’t even found you yet. From under the bed, there’s no way you can get a good enough angle to deliver a powerful blow. Also, the foot is one of the least vulnerable parts of the body. The foot is essentially a callused, armored piece of flesh that smells bad.