The Smartest, Best Executive Orders Ever

The president unveils his array of ingenious ideas.

This president’s great at signing executive orders, OK? He’s the best at it. Many people are saying this. He’s amazing at thinking up the orders. He’s phenomenal at signing the orders. And he’s world-class at telling people how amazing and phenomenal the orders are.

During the latest episode of The President Show — which absolutely killed in the ratings, by the way* — the president revealed his latest batch of orders. They’re smart, OK? So smart. See for yourself.
Where to begin? The idea to demote the First Amendment to the end of the Bill of Rights is brilliant. As the vice president correctly notes, “Rights are a privilege — not a right.”

And the president’s plan for a dictator sleepover is as shrewd as it is adorable. After all, other heads of state will now get the privilege of seeing the president’s leadership techniques up close, which will make for more efficient (and classy) governments throughout the world. Plus, “spin the dissident” just sounds like fun!

Those are only some of the magnificent new executive orders the president thinks up regularly, all by himself. Count yourself lucky that you get to behold such an intelligent, attractive leader making decisions that directly affect your daily life.

* Seriously. We’re talking billions of viewers, OK?**
** Our attorneys state that we must note that this is not an accurate statement of facts.