Rapper (and Gorburger’s New Best Friend) Danny Brown Is the Coolest Person Alive

The data confirms it.

After testing our hypothesis through a series of carefully controlled laboratory experiments and submitting the resultant data for review by a panel of peers, we now feel confident enough in our findings to reveal that Danny Brown is definitively the coolest person alive.

Quite simply, Mr. Brown displays all the traits consistent with the assertion that none are cooler than he.

• He possesses a casual, easy demeanor.

• He unironically and unselfconsciously deploys catchphrase-type language and pulls it off. (See: his use of the phrase “Facts!” to signal agreement)

• He can discern without difficulty things that are weak from things that are on fleek.
• He was once the recipient of a certain illicit sexual act while onstage — and continued to rap during the proceedings.

Despite the bombshell nature of this report, we encourage skeptical colleagues to just accept that they’re jealous haters and move on.