Eric Cartman is elementary school’s answer to a James Bond villain: He’s devious, uncaring and willing to go to insane lengths to get revenge. But just how evil is this kid? Here are only some examples. (There are many, many more.)
HE IMPERSONATED A SLAVE OWNER
Most people would never pretend to be a slaveholder from the Old South. Most people would never use such a disguise to try to exploit athletes. And most people would never start a sport in the first place that pits crack-addicted babies against one another. Then again, most people are not Eric Cartman.
HE PRETENDED TO BE TRANSGENDER
Even for Cartman, this one goes beyond the pale. In an effort to be allowed to use the girls’ bathroom at school, he claims to be transgender. Sweet mercy. Let’s move on.
HE TOLD A GROUP OF INNER-CITY STUDENTS TO CHEAT AT LIFE
Even when Cartman’s trying to do good, he can’t help being condescending and racist. Impersonating a middle-aged Hispanic teacher (already off to a bad start), Cartman tells a group of disadvantaged teens that the way to get ahead in life is to cheat. Even worse? His advice is actually compelling in its own twisted way. This bastard is good.
HE DECEIVED HIS FRIENDS
Cartman’s in full double-cross mode here. When the kids decide to brave Black Friday to score new video game systems, Cartman channels “Game of Thrones” to reach a new level of deviousness. As he and Stan stroll through a garden, Cartman proves that he has no problem lying to his close friend’s face. If only he could get better at keeping his plots secret.
HE RAN A COMPANY WITH A RACIST NAME
Starting a successful business isn’t easy. But starting one with an extremely racist name that’s shared by a certain professional football team? That’s nearly impossible. Unless you’re an evil genius, of course. Titties and balls, indeed.