It’s nearly over, and you missed it. Sorry to be glib, but unless you are one of the hordes of fans that poured into San Francisco for Comedy Central’s inaugural Colossal Clusterfest, you’ve been missing out on one of the greatest weekends of comedy, parties and music. We feel nothing but pity for you. (And maybe a teensy bit of scorn.)
Here are some of our favorite moments documented for posterity, thanks to the magic of social media. It’s not the same as being here, but you’ll think twice about skipping the next one.
Kevin Hart Debuted a Killer Set
Holy shit….The crowd at clusterfest was amazing!!!! Outdoors & cold & laughing….I am blown away! You guys were unbelievable
— Kevin Hart (@KevinHart4real) June 3, 2017
Let’s start with Night One’s headliner. Kevin Hart dropped an incredible new hour on the main stage to an audience jam-packed with chilly — but thrilled — fans. Hopefully laughing was enough exercise to ward off hypothermia.
Ice Cube Brought Back the Classics
Legendary rapper Ice Cube dug deep into his past to perform hits from his time in N.W.A. as well as from his illustrious solo career. At one point, he even did a bit where he ditched the show after three songs, saying he was done. Not letting him get off that easy, the crowd was led in chanting the lyrics, “F**k you, Ice Cube,” until he returned on stage to finish his set.
Jerry’s Apartment Made Everyone Nostalgic
And for everyone who existed in the 90s — and was willing to stand in an hour-long line — a replica of Jerry’s apartment from “Seinfeld” was constructed so that comedy pilgrims could pay their respects to this hallowed ground. Even the comedians couldn’t resist dropping into Jerry’s place. Jason Mantzoukas “Kramered” his way in on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s Rob McElhenney.
The Soup Nazi Returned
Speaking of “Seinfeld,” Larry Thomas reprised his role as the Soup Nazi, denying bowls of soup to fans all day long. But if you were sneaky enough, like this guy was, all he could do was take away your precious napkins. Better luck next time, Soup Nazi.
Karaoke Came to Paddy’s Pub
In another instance of pop culture universes colliding, Roy Wood Jr. dropped in to wrangle a karaoke night in the legendary Paddy’s Pub from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Performances varied in quality, but we can confirm that at least one person absolutely nailed it.
Randy Got Arrested
— South Park (@SouthPark) May 31, 2017
Outside the South Park Experience, a re-creation of Colorado’s most famous fictional town, a few police officers allowed a couple of the Bay Area’s finest a chance to assist in the arrest of Randy Marsh. We can’t say he didn’t deserve it, though.
Broad City Fans Found Themselves in Heaven
Broad City fans had a lot to enjoy on Day Two: a Q&A with Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer; a special screening of a brand-new episode from the upcoming season; and a star-studded reading of the script for “Wayne’s World.” They even brought out an all-female Queen cover band that backed Tia Carrere (who reprised her role for the reading) as she belted out her songs from the movie. Tig Notaro also killed in the role of Benjamin Oliver, originally played to jerky perfection by Rob Lowe.
Hannibal Buress Seduced the Crowd — and Then Some
No surprises that Hannibal Buress turned out to be one of the highlights of the fest. He, of course, brought his A-game as well as a video of him, uh, getting intimate with a coffee machine that his audience will never forget (no matter how hard they try).
Comedians Lived Their Rock Star Dreams
You don’t usually see a lot of crowd-surfing at comedy shows, but The Comedy Jam isn’t your typical comedy show. With Bill Burr, Michelle Buteau, Pete Davidson and Big Jay Oakerson all singing their faves backed by a live band, the audience simply couldn’t help themselves. Even so, we still think fans crowd-surfing to comedians is weird.
Gorburger Met the Earthlings
You’re probably thinking, “Sure, this is already the greatest event in human history, but where are the puppets?” Oh, baby, did we ever have puppets. Gorburger was there to meet and greet his adoring public before his show. It was weird, but could you expect anything less?
Need some redemption? Watch the Colossal Clusterfest special airing tonight at 10/9c.