Paul F. Tompkins Is About to Make You Feel Really Dumb About Nipples

But rest assured: It's the wake-up call we all need right now.

We bet you’re one of those people who thinks that they can easily differentiate between male-gendered nipples and female-gendered nipples. “I’m Dr. Areola, foremost expert on the nips,” you probably whisper to yourself as you fall asleep at night.

Well, we challenge you to play along with Gorburger’s guest Paul F. Tompkins as he tries to separate man boobs from lady boobs.
Really makes you rethink all your s**t, doesn’t it? Yep, when you get right down to it, a man’s nips are pretty much the same as a woman’s nips. And aren’t you glad you practiced with your good friend, television’s own Paul F. Tompkins? After all, in the wake of Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction at the 2004 Super Bowl, CBS was fined $550,000. We’re guessing you don’t have that kind of money — and if you do, you probably want to spend it on something cool, like your own personal indoor roller coaster or college tuition.

So let’s stop with all this nipple discrimination. It’s Paul F. Tompkins, yet again, who provides the message we need in these divisive times of body censorship.

Thank you, Mr. Tompkins, and may we all take something away from your brave statement. Namely, that nipples are beautiful, but all that crotch stuff is G-R-O-S-S.