Everything More Important Than the James Comey Hearing

Trust us: The president would rather talk about literally anything else.

Lately, the president feels like the media keeps haranguing him about James Comey’s testimony, and as you can see here, he doesn’t know why. To him, it’s just a distraction from what’s really important: anything else.

So for all those apparently blood-sucking fake news journalists out there, here’s a quick rundown of what the president says you should ask him about instead.

Freeways, bridges, sewerage systems, dams — these might not be the sexiest topics in the world, but as the commander in chief says, “Our structure has the best infra.” The president knows this to be true — way truer, in fact, than anything that James Comey said during his hearing. Please trust him on this.

It’s absolutely tremendous. A lot of people have been saying it’s as good as the U.S.’s infra.

Think about it, journalists: Do you want this president to give you straightforward answers about the topic at hand, or do you want a few good quotes that you can show to your editor? Why don’t you ask him if the U.S. has troops in Qatar? The president has absolutely no idea, but he can ramble about it.


It’s really not that hard. The James Comey hearing was full of old people who talked a lot. Why does everyone want to speak about it? Ask the president about pretty much anything else you can think up, and you’re bound to get a better response.

If you need help, here are some suggestions off the top of our heads: Banana splits. Katy Perry’s new album. That funny feeling when you rub your bare foot against a doormat. Russia. Wait, wait, no. Scratch that last one.