Keys to the Perfect Presidential Birthday Party

Humiliating the vice president is crucial.

Presidential birthdays come but once a year. Fortunately for this commander-in-chief, his vice president pulled out all the stops to make the day special. When the president turned the big 7-1, he was taken on an emotional trip back to his boyhood neighborhood of Jamaica Estates, Queens. Boy, was it magical — see for yourself.
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/hbv54r/the-president-show-donny-goes-home
Wow. Parties don’t get much better than that. But how did the vice president make the day just so? If you watch with an attentive eye, you’ll notice certain tricks that help make a presidential birthday great.

1. HIGHLIGHT FOND MEMORIES
There’s nothing like returning to the homes you grew up in. For the president, this naturally stirred up some conflicting emotions. On the one hand, he was angry that his first house was too small. On the other, he enjoyed remembering how he would playfully insult and degrade his mom at his second home. When you’re the birthday boy, you can do what you want. (Ditto when you’re famous.)

2. MAKE NEW FRIENDS
Even if you’re turning 71, you can keep yourself young and vital by meeting new people. The president found this out when he ran into a nice, young woman in his old neighborhood. Even though the vice president was keen to keep things moving, there’s no denying that the president made a genuine connection here.

3. …AND CATCH UP WITH AN OLD ONE
Who wouldn’t love this? When the president crossed paths with his old schoolmate Paul, the two couldn’t help launching into their sweet memories of physically bullying people in class. Childhood is truly a wonderful time.

4. DO SEX STUFF TO AN ORANGE
It’s a hilarious, classy and mature thing to do. Again, when you’re the birthday boy, you can do what you want.

5. FORCE YOUR VICE PRESIDENT TO EAT FOOD FROM THE FLOOR LIKE A DOG
Nothing is more gratifying than this.