F**k It. Should We All Go Live in Azerbaijan?


Bad news, people: The U.S. can no longer call itself the greatest country in the world. At least, that’s Jim’s take. Enter his new segment, We F**ked This Place Up… Where to Now?, a field piece where he searches for the new greatest country in the world. This way, we can all move there.

First option: Azerbaijan, a secular Muslim nation. To examine the country’s likelihood to be called the greatest, Jim visits its ambassador in Washington. Ready to pack your bags, America?
Initially, Ambassador Elin Suleymanov doesn’t seem like much fun. Not only does he decline Jim’s offer to do coke, but he won’t even admit to masturbating in his office.

However, the interview changes course when Suleymanov admits that he likes breasts, barbecuing and booze — which we’re gonna go ahead and assume puts him in good company with plenty of men who want to live in the world’s greatest country.

As for Azerbaijan itself, the only information Jim can gather about the nation comes from what he sees in the ambassador’s nicely furnished office and what he learned during their conversation: There’s limited freedom of the press, and Suleymanov admits the nations that border Azerbaijan are part of a “difficult neighborhood.”

But for Jim, the pros outweigh the cons, and he’s willing to deem Azerbaijan the world’s greatest country. That might say more about the rest of the world than it does about Azerbaijan, but hey — a win’s a win.