Booyah, baby! New White House communications director The Mooch made his President Show debut last night and quickly won the prez over with his rude ’tude. In honor of this historic event, let’s give it up for the coolest, raunchiest guy in D.C. (besides the president, of course) and highlight The Mooch’s Moochiest moments.
WHEN HE THREATENED TO FIRE EVERYONE
Right off the bat, The Mooch makes two things very clear: He is totally devoted to the president, and he’s willing to fire anyone who crosses him — especially the chief of staff. Then, The Mooch quotes his grandmother — something about getting an umbrella shoved into an uncomfortable place. It’s not clear exactly what this aphorism means or how it relates to what he’s saying. In other words, he and the president are made for each other.
WHEN HE WAS THE PRESIDENT’S NUMBER ONE FRIEND
Armed with a bottle of his own signature cocktail and a frat boy’s blissful lack of self-awareness, The Mooch is everything the VP isn’t. Can you blame the president for preferring to hang with him instead of a buzzkill milk drinker like the vice president? The Mooch supports the president blindly (no matter how many orgy jokes he makes in front of Boy Scouts), and that’s all the prez ever wanted.
WHEN HE TRIED TO FLIP THE OVAL OFFICE DESK
Only a true patriot like The Mooch would get so pissed off at the media that he’d take it out on an important historical artifact — and convince the president to help him do it. We should all aspire to be as confident as The Mooch yelling, “Prosecution whore!” while sullying the Oval Office with little regard for those around him. There’s truly no better man for the job.