As Jim reported on the latest episode of his show, NASA is currently looking for a planetary protection officer, which is basically someone who ensures that Earth cooties don’t infect aliens (and vice versa). Not only is this position real, but right now, you — yes, you! — might be fully qualified to have it.
Let’s take a closer look at the qualifications listed in the job description to determine if you could be Earth’s next cootie protector.
“ADVANCED KNOWLEDGE OF PLANETARY PROTECTION”
NASA likely won’t just take your word for it. So just as Jim used hand sanitizer after shaking an alien’s hand in his own application video, you might have to go the extra mile to show NASA that you have “advanced knowledge” of the field. May we suggest filming yourself reading the “planetary protection” Wikipedia page? There are equation-looking things on it and everything. It’s very impressive.
“EXPERIENCE…OVERSEEING ELEMENTS OF SPACE PROGRAMS”
You own a space-themed video game, right? What about a sci-fi choose-your-own-adventure book? The key here is that it doesn’t say the space programs you’ve overseen can’t be fictional. Jim has his Galaga, and you have your “Star Wars” Legos that you’ve flown around while making blast-off noises. That should’ve given you the gist, and we’re sure you’ll learn the rest on the job.
“DEMONSTRATED SKILLS IN DIPLOMACY”
This is the easiest one. “Skills in diplomacy”? You talk to people all the time! Traveled to another country? That counts as double diplomacy. If you’ve ever talked your divorced parents into getting back together, you’re overqualified already.
Even if you don’t think all this is enough, apply anyway. We’re sure that NASA will at least take you into consideration. After all, during his application video, Jim admitted to buying cocaine from two drug dealers. So your competition for the job is pretty easy to beat.