Normally, when someone attacks a world leader – or even a former world leader – one of two things happens: They don’t live to tell the tale, or they’re imprisoned for years. At the very least, they are subject to intense public scrutiny. As we learned from Jim this week, however, these rules don’t seem to apply in Australia.
After a man known as Astro Labe head-butted former Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott, he was interviewed the next day with no sign that he had faced any major consequences. And that was it! Naturally, we have some questions for this mysterious individual.
WHY DID YOU DO IT?
As Jim notes, Abbott has long been an opponent of marriage equality in Australia. Since the country is in the middle of a vote on this issue, it would follow that Mr. Labe’s actions might have been politically motivated. Turns out, nahhhhh. He was just drunk. Violence is never cool, but there is one thing we can say for this guy: He can now best anyone in a “One time, I got so drunk that I…” competition.
DID YOU GET IN TROUBLE AT ALL?
Despite how the video makes it seem, Astro Labe is planning on pleading guilty to a “minor assault charge,” according to the Huffington Post. (Sorry to destroy your vision of Australia as some awesome, lawless, “Mad Max”-style dystopia.)
WOULD YOU DO IT AGAIN?
After committing an act of this magnitude and receiving nothing more than a slap on the wrist, most people probably wouldn’t want to push their luck by doing it again. Not so with Astro Labe. Would he repeat the head-butt? “Probably,” the Labe-meister says. “Depends on my level of sobriety.” Jim is essentially taking this as a promise.
WHY ON EARTH DO YOU CALL YOURSELF “ASTRO LABE”?
Unfortunately, there’s not a clear answer for this, and we may never get one. Sometimes it’s best to let the mystery be.