Tom Price recently stepped down from his position as Secretary of Health and Human Services after it was discovered that he had spent roughly $1 million of taxpayers’ money on private international travel.
Price tried minimizing the bill by claiming that he was traveling to connect with “real American people,” but spending $1 million strictly on airfare doesn’t seem like the best way to do that. Here are more useful things he could have spent the money on instead.
GREYHOUND BUS TICKETS
If Price wanted to learn more about average Americans, Jim suggests Price would have been better off commuting via Greyhound Bus. With its agonizingly uncomfortable atmosphere and tendency to take unnecessary detours, the bus would have provided Price with an inside look at which issues are really affecting everyday citizens.
Looking at his suspiciously dark eyebrows, Jim theorizes that Price saves a bit of money by “only dying his eyebrows and not the rest of his head.” But what if he splurged on the whole thing instead of flying in style? Granted, after a professional root-to-tip dying process, Price would still have about $999,800 left over. But the silver (or brunette) lining is that, with all that taxpayer money at his disposal, he’d never have to dip into his wallet for the treatment again.
PEOPLE WHO COULD COVER UP ALL THESE SCANDALS
Price wasn’t the only person facing a wasteful spending scandal recently. EPA Chief Scott Pruitt and VA Secretary David Shulkin similarly sprang for all-expenses-paid-by-everyone-else trips in private jets, despite how insanely easy it is for the media to find out about all this. Maybe Price should have used some of that cool million to cover everyone’s tracks a bit. That’s Thievery 101.