Clear your browser history and throw all of your dirty clothes into the closet: Your mom is here to see you. Now, don’t panic. As we learned from Abbi’s experience, it’s entirely possible for this parent-child time to go smoothly — if you steer clear of some pitfalls. Let’s take a look at some of the big ones.
TALKING ABOUT YOUR JOB
Of course, like any normal person, you’ve been lying to your parents about what you do for a living for years. It was easy when you only had to fib for a few minutes during your biweekly phone call; but now that you’ll be one-on-one for a long period of time, you’re sure to trip yourself up. So just don’t broach the subject — or if you must, keep it general. “How’s work?” “Good.” See that? Easy.
GETTING REALLY HIGH
We’re not saying that you should ever get high at all (our lawyers would have a heart attack if we did), but you definitely shouldn’t get high with your mom, especially if she’s never done it before. She will freak out and fall into a decorative pool at a restaurant, guaranteed.
CHATTING ABOUT SEX STUFF
This one might be obvious. Let’s just say that if your mom lets loose, she might just feel comfortable enough to talk to you like a peer. She might, for example, bring up her sexual frustration in a candid and vulnerable way. Don’t let that happen. Our tip: Stock up on some wacky local news stories to talk about so that you can change the subject at will.
Feel free to disregard all of this if you’re one of those weirdos who feels comfortable hanging out with your parents. At the end of the day, we’re not here to tell you how to talk to your mom. We’re here to tell you how not to talk to your mom.