If you’ve spent the past few months unsure of what to buy for your friends and family this holiday season, your worries are over. We’ve helpfully compiled a list of the best — and, really, the only — things worth giving. Things like:
A CHILI SUIT
Everyone has that one family member: the one who trundles through life sadly bereft of chili on demand. Show them that you care by gifting them a super functional chili suit, as featured on Nathan For You. With this heat-resistant polyvinyl chloride suit (designed to hold over 100 servings of fresh chili at a time), your loved ones will never feel peckish ever again. So why not give that special someone a bodysuit filled with slop? It’s more than just a gift; it’s a lifesaver.
It may seem a little pricey, but the cost will be worth the look on your friend or family member’s face when they unwrap a vehicle that’s both fun and, more importantly, practical. We recommend buying something with utility that can take a bit of slamming and has plenty of room for roughhousing and horsin’ around. That could mean a drab van — or if you want to actually have some fun, a little red motorcycle. We hope that you make the right choice.
Sometimes the simplest gifts are the most meaningful. We’re not quite certain what it is about marbles that make them so intoxicating and irresistible, but we do know that they’re the perfect gift for the loved one in your life whom you hope to drive to insanity.
A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF THE RECIPIENT
It doesn’t have to be a friendiversary for you to craft an enormous cardboard likeness of someone. The person who receives this gift will delight in knowing not only that you care for them, but also that you had a lot of cardboard lying around.
TOO MUCH TUNA
What more can we say? It’s the perfect gift and the perfect prahnk.