Let’s be real: There’s nothing more embarrassing than being unprepared in the face of a zombie uprising, poltergeist infestation or vampire attack. Follow these simple tips, and you’ll be sure to leave with your head intact.
USE THE VANITY OF VAMPIRES TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
For some reason, these undead bloodsuckers are all about that black leather Eurotrash look. If you wear a conservative pair of slacks and a Christmas sweater, they’ll be too disgusted to maintain their appetite.
MAKE ZOMBIES’ RACISM YOUR BEST FRIEND
The only thing more repulsive than a zombie’s rotting flesh is its racial intolerance. So if you’re not white, you’re golden. If you are, it’s been nice knowing you.
GET PERVY WITH THE POSSESSED
Little-known fact: Demons are surprisingly freaky. Dangle the promise of some oral in front of them, and they’ll do pretty much whatever you want.
DON’T ASSUME IT’S A POLTERGEIST
Just remember: even though they’re evil spirits capable of releasing swarms of insects from their mouths, house ghosts are often more afraid of you than you are of them. Plenty of poltergeists are good citizens, students and friends. Oh, also, if you piss them off, they might eat your soul. So just play it cool, OK?